Flaws Within The Matrix

A Spiritual Awakening-- Some believe, others can not seem to understand. Frankly, that is okay. Us humans, we are programmed by society to become what is defined as successful.

At a young age, I envisioned myself as a college athlete: a future, hopeful doctor, surgeon, something that was considered a "higher-up" in society. Of course, high school is usually the time when mental illness starts to fester. I got lost in my own thoughts for years-- a once A+ student, 4.0 GPA, a varsity competitive gymnast.. It was put on halt. I had spent my time in the bedroom, lights off, and trying to sleep my days away. My grades were failing, I was losing friends. I was left with myself, and myself only.

That is when I had discovered writing in it's truest form. When the pain had reached its peak and I knew that the only way to heal was to come to terms with my emotions that I had put off for so many years. I started to research heavily into spirituality; The antidepressants had made me feel absolutely nothing. Westernized medicine was not helping me, and neither was therapy.

I put my energy into the words that came off my hands, the subconscious thoughts that my mind did not want to acknowledge yet. I wrote about the future, what I had intended to happen years to come. Partly because I couldn't bare to live in the present and aspired for the coming days to get better. I continued this, everyday since.

What I did not know, was I was actively manifesting. I was putting written words, intentions, and energy into what the future would look like for me. It took me some time, but I came to the realization, (that I am nearly positive that every person who has gone through a spiritual awakening has), every thing we are taught at a young age is false. That society is not functioning to help people, rather help capitalism. It is all for profit: diet pills, high-end brands, weight-loss in 10 days. We are programmed to always want more, to never be present in the moment, to be so materialistically involved that we lose touch with ourselves completely.

It is hard to reconnect with yourself. The you before the rest of the world inflicted trauma and the ugliness of mankind got to you. The unpolished, authentic, true version of you. The one that talked to animals, with imaginary friends, super powers that let you fly and teleport, the world where you felt safe.

To me, that is what being human is about. It is not about who has the most money, or more expensive clothing, or better car, etc. It is about healing what the world has done to you, what brings you happiness despite the darkness of others. What makes your soul soar? What gives you a sense of purpose? It does not have to be what society expects from you. You live life on your own terms. You find yourself in whatever way needed. Do not let anyone or anything hold you back. Everyone deserves a chance to heal, a chance to tap back into the Divine, to heal their younger selves.

-What I wish someone had told me.