Employee Grievance

The company is doing very well, and our important role as key employees in this success is undeniable. Not only do we have new patrons, but we create repeat customers who go out their way to highly recommend us. Fancy that! Customers market our company as a result of the high they get from our services. Business is booming in our retreat, and it's time to dole out acknowledgment where it's due.

The proprietors of this large farm we work in are super attentive to their customers. They believe in the maxim that customers are royalty. We the employees, are constantly reminded to remember that. This has even shaped our spontaneous spirit.

They run this Yoga class, and we are their star employees. The customers giggle, laugh, and enjoy when we make our entry. They try to treat us extra special. I must admit it can be quite lovely sometimes.

Yes, we are rewarded for treating a customer with care. Instead of tips, we are offered treats, kind words, and acts. Despite it all, there is that disgruntlement amidst us. They appointed me spokesperson to air our grievances. We are sure our employers will give us the time and take positive action.

Take the case of Billy. He is the youngest, almost a kid. Yet, he must work. OSHA guidelines do not apply to us, nor child labor laws. His pet peeve comes in the form of a few little kid customers. They do not treat him with the same care as others do. He doesn't ask to be treated with kid gloves, but a little gentleness would go a long way.

Shakira does not like the adults fussing over her. She'd rather be shaking her hips to her Colombian namesake. With a superwoman effort she keeps herself from headbutting the customers who get too close to her face to nuzzle when most of the time she is unwilling. This much love suffocates her. She too (sans hashtag), is ready to start a movement called toomuchlovenothanks!

Djali likes the gypsy lifestyle. He is forced to put out roots in here. Discipline is not in his DNA, and he wants to break free during routine work. Yes, creatures must build a routine that coincides with the classes people take in this retreat.

We have no training, yet we are expected to dole out love, reciprocate affectionate moves, and even give gentle massages to folks doing their meditative thing.

They will sell anything in the name of cuteness it seems! The owners reiterate to the customers that we are natural climbers, and their backs should be the surface we climb on. Agreed, we do love to jump, run, climb and play. But our employees think we have no say or preferences. We just don't climb anything or anyone. I mean, we too have standards. Given a chance, we’d love to be in the mountains.

The other day, we ran around in class doing our thing. I confess we were a bit boisterous. We were taken behind the scenes and told to calm down. Meanwhile, the instructor extolled the virtues of staying calm within when the world was in chaos. That is the yogic state of mind.

"Think of the chaos swirling around, and continue to be centered."

So this is the mantra they're selling now to their customers? Behind the scenes, it's a totally different scenario. When they think no one is watching, we know the so-called yogi instructors lose the equanimity. All this after making it out as though we were the representation of chaos in the world! The open-hearted customers will believe anything these days. Can't blame them, I am also taking deep breaths and positive action instead of butting everything in rage.

We're going to let our employers not conduct any behavior modification experiments with us. If we do something they like, they slip in a treat. We have consequences if we don't do what they deem as undesirable behavior. Well, we too have the undesirable parts of the job. I don't want to play masseuse with that gassy old windbag just because she is a paying customer.

One bright sunny day, Van Dyck here mistook one lady's hair for straw. Yes, she had over processed it with bleach, and the bunch of hair got pulled out of the head. He had to face consequences for that. This is why I have specified a condition in the contract. “Long haired ladies must have their hair secured.”

Look at Djali! He now inspects closely before taking a chew. He is quite happy with this customer. She has followed the right protocol.

We'd rather be climbing hills than backs of people. We must gently run around their backs to give them the feel of a massage. Van Dyck here mentioned that his hoof got stuck into someone's crack. I know, I know, we are known to butt, but this is different. Well, I understand extending this much concern for the paying customer. However, it's not an extra cost to spread some TLC to the one whose leg got stuck in a crack, n'est-ce pas?

The information below has nothing to do with the above incident. It's just a link showing how our employees use our expertise.

Sometimes, we get all stressed and leave pellets all over. We get no treat for this. Instead, someone with a scooper and mop comes by to clean the mess. They give us cold stares while cleaning up. It’s hard to keep it all in the litter box. We’re not cats, we are goats!

Well, I must also put out points on what we like about this job in a fair and balanced manner. We love the customers, well most of them. Just yesterday, I enjoyed bonding with this sweet, young couple. Their kids were most well-mannered. They handled us just the way we wanted.

Not everyone loves us like this loved-up duo. There is the right way and the not so correct way of handling us. We just want to air our requests and concerns. A good employer takes care of his customers, but a great employer takes care of his customers and employees.

Listen, we are not "cut up" about the job. No siree Bob! Besides, we thrive in most of the love we receive. We could be in a far worse situation and quite frankly, in a boiling hot soup! We just desire better work conditions, that’s all! After all, we are GOATs or quite simply, Greatest of All Times.