dysfunction or beauty

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had woken up like 4 times in the night because Jackie had an earache, and cried each time she rolled over. The pressure caused by the fluid inside was painful, and for me, it meant walking, and standing, and trying to think cognitively when all my body wanted was rest. My boss at work was also increasing the pressure on the project I had been working on for the past 3 months, We were supposed to have six months on this one, but the client just bumped the deadline up to dour months. I had just let go a jerk-of-a-human, who happened to be great under pressure, and probably would have helped us pull out of this nosedive. I needed to cry, I needed to release the pressure that was building up inside of me, like the lid of a 2 liter of soda. And that is when I opened my computer and typed in decier.com. I had heard of this site that recommends movies, and where to stream them. I smiled slightly given my mood when I saw the category title “choked up” with a broken heart emoji.

I clicked.

The first title that popped up was “The Father” - initially, I shrunk back in my chair, this role in my life was strongly mis played. So in this case “choked up” could send me back to therapy if the screenplay went awry. I decided to go for it.

I sat, well lounged on the bed while I watched, I found it on amazon prime, the feature I really like about decider is that you can click the icons of where a specific movie or show is said to be streamed on and it takes you right there. I am the sort of person who tends to get lost in the internet wormholes while looking for things, so this really helped me. Anyhow, I did not know that I needed to rent this film, but I did in fact splurge and rented it.

I enjoyed the pace of this film and what I enjoyed best is that it really took me into what it might be like to have dementia like Alzheimer's - for that it was very intense. I had the visceral sense of the confusion and the way this type of disease and memory for that matter can be so disheartening. The way our brain remanufactures memories and tries to make sense of things.

I love the way they morphed characters and stories into what the father’s mind was trying to make sense of, and the strain aging and life, in general, can be on ourselves and on those who care for us.

My fatherly issues were not triggered in this film, and I was glad. But it did allow me to release some pressure, in terms of tears. After watching this film, I would recommend moving over to something a bit lighter, yet still confusing in a similar more comical way. It is a series on Netflix called Firefly Lane. This show is also full of dysfunction - this time more in relationships versus inside one person’s mind. There is space within this show that I was very confused about, and it made it more interesting to watch how those gaps were filled in with content in a way that felt similar to dementia. For example, I literally thought I had skipped an episode, only to realize the structure of the episode was in flashbacks and foreshadowing. I like this play on content, it feels fresh and unpredictable.

The friendship and bond that time builds between friends are strong and complicated. In this show, the girls/women have fun and also go through very challenging life situations together. I love the flashes to the ’80s and the hair, the clothes, and the culture, so fun! It gives some breathing room for the larger issues addressed within this series.

Both ‘The Father’ and ‘Firefly Lane’ are love stories, just not the rom-com type, haha maybe I am just a romantic viewing disorganized function with rose-colored glasses.