December 30, 2023 – 2:46 pm

I find myself reaching out to you, Jehovah, through Jesus, in quiet moments of thought, with a heart overwhelmed by the intricacies of life. Life's inequity has been a constant companion, and as the year comes to a conclusion, I feel forced to communicate the plethora of feelings that have passed through my spirit. This year has been filled with a slew of adventures, each of which has left its imprint on my heart. I've struggled with frustration, resentment, and the hard fact that closure is rarely forthcoming. Desires are frequently unsatisfied, and it appears that my efforts are never quite enough. The sting of seeing others attain their goals while mine remain elusive has left me bitter.

By Courtanae HeslopPublished 2 years ago • 3 min read

December 30, 2023 – 2:46 pm

In the quiet moments of reflection, I find myself reaching out to you, Jehovah, through Jesus, with a heart burdened by the complexities of life. Life's unfairness has been a constant companion, and as the year draws to a close, I am compelled to express the myriad emotions that have traversed my soul. This year has unfolded with a cascade of experiences, each leaving its mark on my heart. I've grappled with frustration, anger, and the harsh reality that closure is often elusive. More often than not, desires remain unfulfilled, and it seems that my efforts are never quite enough. The pang of seeing others achieve their aspirations while my own seem elusive has etched a bitterness within me.

As I navigate this labyrinth of emotions, a revelation surfaces—an inclination towards change, a desire to invest in myself and my business. Perhaps, a strategic shift in focus is in order—a reclusive introspection, a recalibration of priorities in both relationships and friendships. It's a peculiar juncture in life, one I never envisioned, compounded by a dissatisfaction with my weight. However, I harbor the hope that with your divine assistance, a transformation will unfold, and I shall witness the fruition of my efforts by this time next year.

Embracing an "It is what it is" mindset, I found myself contemplating the concept of life everlasting during recent meetings. The notion of an eternal purpose for the earth resonates, yet in the midst of personal tribulations—mental, emotional, and financial—the prospect of an extended existence prompts introspection. Why would one desire a thousand more years, let alone an eternity, in a world marred by injustice and unrestrained hardship?

The disheartening reality persists—unresolved financial matters, unreturned funds, and an absence of concerted efforts to rectify the situation. The question lingers: why subject oneself to the company of those who exhibit such disregard? Love, trust, and kindness were the virtues instilled, yet ironically, they became the catalysts for my greatest suffering. The weight of grief strains my very personality, creating fractures in my essence. Only my parents stand as pillars of support amidst the tumult, but even their assistance cannot fully assuage the pain.

In contemplating my faith and the organization to which I belong, a difficult decision emerges—one of choosing to remain outside, defying the expected norms. The hurt runs deep, leading to a willingness to face consequences if it means avoiding further anguish. Prayer has been my solace, a continuous plea for understanding, for release from the enduring ordeal. Yet, the answer seems to echo the mandate to endure, to survive, to persist through the days that unfold like a relentless punishment.

Amidst this, the frustration swells—employment remains elusive, and attracting clients to sustain myself proves an insurmountable challenge. The question reverberates: Is any of this fair? How, in the face of such adversity, am I expected to maintain faith and resilience? The enigma persists.

To rebuild financially, one must embrace a multifaceted approach. First and foremost, consider reevaluating your skill set and exploring job opportunities that align with your strengths. Seek out professional development opportunities to enhance your marketability. Networking is paramount—connect with industry professionals, attend events, and leverage online platforms to expand your professional circle.

Simultaneously, focus on strengthening your business. Conduct a thorough analysis of your offerings, identify areas for improvement, and devise a comprehensive marketing strategy. Leverage social media and other digital platforms to increase visibility and attract potential clients.

Financial rebuilding also involves prudent budgeting and saving. Develop a realistic budget that prioritizes essential expenses while allocating funds for savings and debt reduction. Consider consulting with a financial advisor to create a tailored financial plan.

Exploring alternative income streams is another strategic step. Whether through freelance work, online gigs, or part-time opportunities, diversifying income sources can provide stability and resilience in unpredictable circumstances.

Additionally, seek emotional support from friends, family, or professional counselors to navigate the challenges you face. Building a strong support system is crucial for maintaining mental and emotional well-being during times of financial hardship.

Remember, resilience is cultivated through strategic planning, adaptability, and a resilient mindset. By combining these elements, you can embark on a journey to rebuild yourself financially, transcending the current difficulties and emerging stronger on the other side.

In the name of Jesus, I submit these thoughts, seeking solace and understanding. Amen.