Coping With Unemployment And Disability Denial

For over a year, I’ve been grappling with the harsh realities of not working, compounded by the crushing blow of being denied disability benefits. Since April 2022, the lack of employment has been exceptionally challenging, as my ADHD and PTSD have severely impacted my daily functionality. Adding to the complexity are my diagnoses of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and bipolar disorder, which further exacerbate my struggles. Starting in August 2022, I began attending a mental health center, which has been crucial in managing my conditions. Recently, in May 2024, I applied for disability benefits, only to be denied in the same month, adding another layer of difficulty to my already challenging situation.

ADHD and Its Overwhelming Presence

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has always been a part of my life, but its impact has become more pronounced since I stopped working. Without the structure of a job, my days often feel chaotic. Simple tasks that others might take for granted, like organizing my day or completing basic chores, can become insurmountable challenges. I find myself easily distracted, unable to maintain focus for more than a few minutes at a time. This constant mental turbulence leaves me feeling exhausted and frustrated.

The lack of routine also means that my time management skills, already poor due to ADHD, have worsened. I struggle to stick to a schedule, and this has a ripple effect on my entire day. Activities like preparing meals, taking medications on time, or even maintaining personal hygiene can slip through the cracks. Each missed task is a reminder of my perceived inadequacies, further diminishing my self-esteem.

ADHD has also been a significant factor in my employment history. The inability to concentrate, coupled with impulsivity and forgetfulness, has led to a pattern of job losses. I've struggled to meet deadlines, follow instructions, and stay organized—all crucial skills in most workplaces. The frequent job changes have created a sense of instability and insecurity, making it even harder to maintain a consistent work history and professional growth.

The Weight of PTSD

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) adds another layer of difficulty to my everyday life. Diagnosed about a month after the devastating loss of my oldest son on December 22, 2013 (the date of his passing), when he was just eight weeks old, PTSD has been a constant, unwelcome presence. The grief and trauma from his passing have profoundly affected me. A month later, a doctor confirmed that my trauma extended beyond this heartbreaking loss, tracing back to massive traumas in my childhood.

Flashbacks and intrusive thoughts are a regular part of my life. These episodes can be triggered by seemingly innocuous events, making it hard to predict and prepare for them. When they occur, they are all-consuming, dragging me back into a past filled with trauma and fear.

Sleep, or the lack thereof, is another significant issue. Nightmares are frequent, disrupting my rest and leaving me fatigued during the day. This lack of sleep not only affects my mood and energy levels but also exacerbates the symptoms of ADHD, creating a vicious cycle that is hard to break. My ability to cope with daily stressors diminishes, and I often find myself in a state of hypervigilance, constantly on edge and waiting for the next crisis to hit.

Living with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) brings its own set of challenges. This genetic disorder affects my connective tissues, leading to chronic pain, joint instability, and frequent injuries. The physical pain can be debilitating, making it hard to move around or perform everyday tasks. On some days, even getting out of bed feels like an insurmountable task.

The unpredictability of EDS means that my physical condition can change rapidly. One moment, I might feel relatively okay, and the next, I could be in severe pain. This inconsistency makes it difficult to plan anything, adding to the sense of instability in my life. The physical limitations also feed into my mental health struggles, creating a constant battle between my body and mind.

Bipolar Disorder and Emotional Turmoil

Bipolar disorder has added an extra layer of emotional complexity to my situation. The mood swings, ranging from depressive lows to manic highs, create a rollercoaster of emotions that is exhausting to manage. During depressive episodes, I feel a profound sense of hopelessness and worthlessness. It becomes almost impossible to muster the motivation to do anything, and I often find myself withdrawing from the world around me.

In June 2022, I discovered that bipolar disorder runs in my family. My dad revealed that he had previously been diagnosed with manic depressive disorder, which I learned was later renamed bipolar disorder. A nurse practitioner explained that bipolar disorder is a genetic condition, helping me understand why I might be experiencing these intense mood swings. This revelation was both a relief and a burden—it clarified some of my struggles but also confirmed that this battle is likely to be a lifelong one.

The Denial of Disability Benefits

Being denied disability benefits has been a particularly devastating blow. It feels like a validation of my worst fears—that my struggles are not seen as legitimate or severe enough. The application process itself was grueling, requiring me to relive my traumas and explain my limitations in excruciating detail. To have all that effort dismissed has been heartbreaking.

Without financial support, the burden of managing my conditions has become even heavier. Accessing necessary treatments and therapies is challenging without the means to pay for them. This lack of support feels like a constant reminder that I am alone in this battle, adding to my sense of isolation and despair.

Finding Ways to Cope

Despite these overwhelming challenges, I am determined to find ways to cope. I’ve begun to reach out for support, connecting with others who understand my struggles. Online communities and support groups have become a lifeline, offering a sense of connection and understanding that I desperately need.

I am also learning to be kinder to myself, recognizing that my worth is not defined by my productivity or the approval of others. Self-care has become a priority, even if it means taking small steps each day. Whether it’s practicing mindfulness, engaging in gentle physical activity, or simply allowing myself to rest, I am finding ways to navigate this difficult period.

Attending my current mental health center since August 2022 has been crucial in managing my conditions. The professionals there provide much-needed support and guidance, helping me develop strategies to cope with the symptoms of ADHD, PTSD, EDS, and bipolar disorder. They have become an essential part of my support network, offering a safe space to discuss my struggles and progress.

This journey is far from easy, and there are days when it feels impossible. But I am slowly discovering that resilience is not about being unbreakable; it’s about finding the strength to keep going, even when everything seems to be falling apart.

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