Cleaning Stress

This seems to be a running theme in my writing. I’m overwhelmed by the amount of housework that is required of basic adult living. I haven’t been diagnosed as Neurodivergent but things like this make me wonder about myself…

It’s not just because I’m a Virgo. It’s because these mundane tasks stress me out, so then I can’t focus on desktop tasks (i.e. emails, typing, graphic design, etc), if I am trying to work in a seemingly unhygienic environment.

Others have visited me before and commented that my house isn’t messy, it’s alright. But I feel that pressure. It’s messy for me. It’s my perception, and it makes me very, very unhappy.

It gets to a boiling point. Like this morning. I had to vacuum before even brushing my teeth. Is this pathological, to some degree? I simply could not go through the usual morning routines of brushing my teeth, washing my face, brushing my hair - without first addressing this.

The mess is too much. Too much dust collected. It’d been accumulating for, perhaps a third month now. There is an energetic heaviness with it. It’s almost like my house is being “haunted” by jester spirits, unless I proactively clean, clean, clean!

Have I been hexed? Are others wishing ill of me?

It’s not surprising, I’ve rubbed some trolls the wrong way on my other social media platforms. I’m still balancing between clapping back and deleting and blocking.

When there is physical mess around me, I take it personally as if it is a hex. I know, sometimes, my life just got busy. My routine is tweaked. Social obligations, freelancing obligations. I’ve been juggling so many hats, and I’m still waiting for a more steady flow of abundance to come my way.

Cleaning the house, what does it do? If it’s going to take more time to clean, rather than taking the time and energy to work on projects, continuing to build an audience across platforms and accumulate some form of a niche reputation - does the physical environment's stagnation hinder the abundant energies?

Feng Shui enthusiasts would argue, yes, “You need to clean first, then make your Tik Toks!” Have a clean environment. Declutter. Nobody wants to see you living in squalor. Clean your living quarters enough so that you can share parts of your life with others, without embarrassment or hesitation.

Clean the physical space enough that when you look across the room, you're not frowning, your blood pressure is not rising, and your energy is "free flowing" - there is a sense of ease with a clean environment. Sure, some people manage to overlook clutter, but for me, I know it is a tolerance, not an ease.

Does it help to have dedicated rooms for specific activities? I have a social media room, sort of - more like a social media corner. Just enough space with a blank enough background to record my Tik Tok lives and have a chat with my audience. It's a little cramped, yes. Do I feel sorry for myself about it? Sometimes.

But this house is not mine to determine all aspects of the furniture and room allocations. So, it's a compromise.

I don’t know why I stress myself out with cleaning. My wish is to make so much money from social media that I can afford a cleaner. I want to manifest luxurious living.

Who wouldn’t want to live with a closet full of Hermes bags, 24-hour security guards, regular cleaners and even professional chefs? Or even just a third of those perks. I’m aiming for that level of success in 2023. And still, I need to clear the energies of my surroundings, allow the Feng Shui to work for me.

I'm not sure if anyone else relates. But I had to get this off my chest. The stress of cleaning, and the reflections on motivations behind cleaning. To clear the energies, and make room for success.