Child Hood Soul

As a child I was very curious but cautious. I was shy, almost to a fault. I would hide behind my parents when I got too nervous. One thing I am grateful for in this regard, I did a lot of listening. You learn so much by listening than you do talking. I did a lot of feeling things out and having a chance to decide how I really felt about someone and something.

My grandmother was very religious.... and also a hypocrite. Sometimes my parents would let her drag me to church. She was Christian. Christianity is a tough subject for me. I find something in the Bible very beautiful and somethings that literally make me feel physically ill. Later in my life I would find a way to forgive Christ and my grandmother but that's for another day.

Going to church was awful. It never felt right to me or resonated with me. I would listen to the way my grandmother would preach and it was at odds with the way she would act. Not always, a majority to be sure. I couldn't understand why. It made me resent church, Christianity, and even Christ. I would hear the word Jesus and instantly feel negative about it.

Though I would come to forgive my grandmother and Jesus, I could never consider myself a Christian. Especially not in the traditional sense. As a child I would have supernatural experiences. Seeing ghost or spirits. Some good and some bad. When I was eight my mom would talk about the man that would kneel at the end of her bed while she slept when my dad wasn't there.

One night I was sleeping in the living room and the same man, in a top hat and old timey clothes, watched me from the end of the couch. It was odly comforting and went right back to sleep. This and other experiences told me there was something more to this world. I understand this now as being sensitive to the happenings of the other side.

Music is a wonderful bridge to the spirit world. It's the to this day the easiest way for me to connect to my soul and get "goosebumps." This is different than goosebumps though. It's a profound feeling that makes you feel lighter and full. Like your soul is swelling and trying to lift you from this plain of existence. I didn't really know what was happening as a child. I just knew it was special.

Movies, games,and books were another big one for me. Especially fantasy and science fiction. I loved to pretend and imagine I would was in a world of magic and adventure. This as much as anything has shaped my soul and given me wonderlust. To this day I am a huge nerd and I hold no shame in that.

The forest would become my next spiritual outlet. There is something so special about trees and animals. My dad would take me and my brother hunting and fishing as a child. I absoluty loved being in nature. Most of us do. It feels like home. I didn't know it then but the love I would find for trees and the forest would grow to the point I would long for it. It would become my therapy as much as music would.

These things would become the start. The beginning of my spiritual journey and in my next few articles I will go into detail on each seed that has helped shape the way I perceive this life and the next.