Checked Out while Clocked In

With full confidence, no one that I work with fully knows me like they think they do. Walking into my job on day one I knew that it was up to me to set the tone. I am conditioned to think that no matter what I have to represent my entire race in every action or word I utter.

On the first day of work, I felt like I was in foreign territory. The energy was mixed with either excitement or eagerness to meet the first black woman in the office. It was like I was on display and immediately it felt like I needed to have some sort of captivating story as to who I am and how I got here.

Some of the energy felt like I was insignificant for someone’s time. I remember finding the courage to make a joke in the kitchen with a female co-worker only to be met with pure silence and a blank stare.

I knew I had a role to play. I could either be:

• The “quiet nerdy black girl” who keeps to herself and is not one to engage with others
• The “strong sista soldier” who doesn’t take crap from anyone and listens to Erykah Badhu
• The “bubbly, funny and sassy black chick” that says “YASSS Queen” every other minute

I definitely don’t fit into just one of these categories or any of them at the same time. I wish I was just allowed to be me from day one. However, I chose my spot and it was somewhere happily between option 1 Or 2.

Over time I began to notice how people would treat me. I felt like any time I said anything it was met with a rebuttal instead of understanding. It was like my words were weaponized because they were coming from my mouth and not others. I literally tested my theory and has one of my white female co-workers make the same suggestion as me but after I did and only her voice was well received I was told I was being too challenging.

It made me feel small when I was being stereotyped as larger than life. When I tried to confide with anyone about it I was met with more “well what about when you do this? Or have you considered that?”. I was never met with empathy.

So I stopped trying to engage. I figured well if I have to fight this hard to fit in what is the point? My dreams and ideas of moving up dwindled. I knew that even if I did amazing chances were high that I would never be considered.

My feedback typically consisted of “I behaved in a way that is hard to describe” or “you are unapproachable”. But at the same time, I am asked to coach and train new employees because I had a skill set for connecting with people.

My honest self was only good enough when someone could benefit from it. So I checked out even when I was clocked in. I wasn’t happy or completely unhappy but I was showing up and doing the mundane then leaving.

This is called the "quit and stay" phenomenon. In an article written by Sonya George, she explained

refers to individuals who have mentally checked out. They do just enough work to meet minimum expectations and fly under the radar. This mentality chokes employee engagement, slows productivity and stifles innovation.

We found that African American or black women are affected most often by this phenomenon.

The odds of experiencing quit and stay is 75% higher among Black women compared to Caucasian or White men and 20% higher compared to Caucasian or White women.

African American or Black women who don’t endorse their company to friends and family are 28 times more likely to quit and stay than Caucasian or White women.

What changed for me?

If I truly disliked where I am employed would I still be here? For some, the answer may be yes, for me the answer is no.

I had to start understanding my own personal needs and goals. I had to work on being nicer to myself and reminding her, “you got this job because you deserve this job”.

Taking the time to sit with me and getting to know her allowed me to be my own ally. Automatically, it was like the cosmos started sending the right people my way. As I continued down this path of rediscovering a love for myself, I started to meet likeminded people. I started to find my tribe.

Finding your tribe at work essentially means finding a group of people no matter how small or large that share common interests with you. Finding people who you can relate to and feel like you belong.

Ways to find your tribe at work:

1. Join an employee resource group you feel a connection to. ERGs are meant to offer a place for employees to feel included at work. The common ones are ERGs for the black employee population, veterans, LGBTQIA+ community, etc. In order for people to feel included you have to be exclusive first. This means when you allow employees to separate themselves to find people who share their interests they can then start to feel they belong. Over time you can build these groups larger to include allies as well.

1. Add people to your company on Linked In. Depending on how large your company I do find it helpful to start adding anyone who works there on LI. No, you may not know Joe from Finance but I am sure he would no mind growing his network. From adding people you may find that they do have similar interests as you or they may lead you to someone else who does.
2. Connect with people outside of your company. Some times finding your tribe may not be possible at your job. However, you can still find them in your industry. I am sure they will be just as happy to meet you as you are to find them.

Even if you feel like quitting or giving up, never quit on yourself.