Bouncing Back from Creative Disappointments

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

― Winston S. Churchill

You know, on a logical and fundamental level, that you need to bounce back. You know that the faster you do that bouncing, the better things will be. Despite all that dandy logic, if you’ve experienced a critical disappointment, you’ve probably got about as much bounce as an elephant with bad knees.

Disappointment is a loose word. After any significantly frustrating, stressful, or disappointing experience, it’s only natural to feel put-off. It hangs over you like a dark cloud and gets in the way of you going about your days following the negative event.

It's doubly hard when we talk about creative disappointments. Here's one of mine; NYU's MFA in creative writing rejected me three times. I finally got in when I applied to the low-residency CW program. I just graduated the two year program earlier this year, but there were three springs of disappointment that came before. And it was tough since there is that creative component; the beating heart of the works we create.

Allow yourself to feel the disappointment.

Let yourself feel it and give yourself time to think about it. Look at your disappointment, reverse-engineer why it’s weighing you down so badly, and figure out what you can do to work on that. Look for the lessons in your failures.

It’s a painful process because you can’t escape all those negative feelings of frustration and disappointment when you try analyzing how you feel. You’ve got to let your feelings happen.

Don't invalidate your feelings with comparisons.

The old “it could be worse” thought processes tend to invalidate your feelings. For most of us, trying to brush off your suffering because it isn’t as bad as someone else’s is just going to make you feel guilty for feeling bad. It doesn’t heal why you feel bad.

Those thoughts look something like this. I could say, “Well, I didn’t get into grad school. At least I didn’t break my leg in a terrible subway accident!”

These types of comparisons aim to give perspective, which in theory, makes sense. However, while perspective is important, when it comes to more serious things (like failing to get into grad school three times) writing off your disappointment with a comparison isn’t going to work.

After seeing dozens of social media posts expressing this sentiment, I decided to do a little research. We usually talk about comparing ourselves to others in a positive sense, like jobs, promotions, or any sort of accolade. Psychology Today notes how even in positive contexts, comparing ourselves to others isn’t a good idea.

Try breaking away from your routine.

Now that those feelings are happening, it’s time to work on them.

If you’re right smack in the middle of the workweek, breaking your routine can be difficult. But if you can, deviate from the norm in your non-working hours.

See if you can get up a little earlier one day. I know this might sound like the opposite of a relaxing activity, but you can watch the sunrise and slowly sip some warm coffee or tea and have some quiet time to yourself. It’s very relaxing and cathartic. On a normal chaotic morning, it’s hard to take time to appreciate the beauty of the world around us. If you can give yourself a little extra time one day, it’s a good, easy way to adjust your schedule.

Going for a walk at sunset can have a similar effect if the weather is favorable enough to allow it to be comfortable. Break your routine and do a little self-care; call up a friend you haven’t seen in a while to hang out, go to a yoga class, try cooking something new you really love at home. Just do something completely outside of the norm; bonus points if it involves some kind of physical activity to get those happy little endorphins going.

Write about it in a way that encourages introspection.

Even if you're an artist or musician rather than a writer, try to find words for the disappointment you've faced. If it was bad enough to throw you off, I’m willing to wager you’ve probably vented about it to a person or two. Vent it out if you need to, but try and search for the logic or the lesson in it if you can.

There’s a reason you’re so disappointed and it's probably deeper. There could be reasons arching far back into your past that make the current disappointment sting a bit more than it might for someone else.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

― Thomas A. Edison

Writing about your experience in a productive, healing manner can be incredibly helpful. You’ll be able to see the meaning in your suffering and let it steel you to keep chasing your goal.

Your creative work is always waiting for you, no matter the setback.

If you can find the silver lining, if you can find those lessons in your life story, you can make peace with those disappointments. Once you’ve found it, write about it. You can share it with others or lock it away in a diary.

The important thing is that you find the method in the madness and write about those feelings in a productive manner that encourages growth.