Beulah’s Goodbye

Dear Grey Pony Lounge,

It is with little regret that I have to inform you all that I am resigning from my position as head stripper after 50 years of working your poles. Now if you wanted me to explain why exactly it is that I am resigning after 50 long years, well I would need about 50 years to do such, so I’ll just go over a few key points.

First off , money talks. Now when I first started working here back in 1975 I was getting paid 75 dollars a night. I guess that wasn’t bad for the time, considering that I worked six nights a week. Fast forward to today and I’m only getting paid 20 dollars more 50 years later. I gave 50 years of dropping it like it’s hot and picking it up like it’s not for y’all to only be paying me 95 dollars a night. This ain’t no way to be treating no 50 year veteran with a bad back. It gets hard leaning over and having to pick up those singles after half a century.

Adding insult to injury a lot of the patrons are laughing at me everytime they see me struggling to pick up a dollar. Remember old man Bittleman? Yeah I know he passed away last year after a 20 year bout with cancer, but I don’t feel bad for the bastard because a couple years ago when my back started getting worse he deliberately threw singles on the edge of the stage so I would have to lean over harder just to pick em up. Then he and the rest of the patrons laughed hysterically at my misery, so it’s safe to say that I will not be missing that kind of torture.

Patrons ain’t the only hellraisers that I won’t miss. I will also not miss my unsavory coworkers from 50 years back all the way up to this very moment. Back in the day the older women thought they were better than me with their saggy titties and straight up and down 6’ o clock backsides, but most of them ended up being alcoholics and smelled like pure menthol from smoking a million and one cigarettes everyday on break.

As I got into the age the younger girls didn’t get any better. See they all thought they were better than me with their fake boobies and fake booties that doctor dick Frankensteined into their bodies. They even had the nerve to call me an old hag, but they got theirs. Some of those implants busted on stage and as for the ones with the BBLs some of theirs popped while trying twerk like no tomorrow. That was a hell of a lot of that nasty fluid they had to clean up that night and you best believe I was laughing all night with no filter. One of em’ tried to hit me but I knocked her out with my medical cane that I cleverly said was given to me to make me look cool.

Don’t even get me started on the prostitution ring you guys were running back in the 90’s. That really put me through the ringer. Here I was pushing into my 40s and biology was starting to take a physical toll and y’all decided to let prostitutes do some of their late night hour work in the back of the club. Now the bad part about this that effected me was most of those prostitutes were in my age group and looked like me, so when the cops came and busted them they all automatically assumed I was part of the non liquor licensed crew and I was sent to the bullpen for the night.

I won’t pretend that this letter of resignation doesnt come with some positives of the past 50 years. I am thankful for the barely healthy living I was able to make with the money I acquired from this titty city bar. I was damn near homeless when I first started working here but got myself a small rundown studio that I was able to call home for myself and my daughter that I was pregnant with and my somewhat unhealthy living did paved the way for her to get away from my hellhole living and get herself a house and a nice house with a beautiful family of a husband with my amazing grandkids.

I also had some cool coworkers amidst all the crappy ones. Jimbo Brown was the first boss I had when I came here and never gave me hell when I was late because he understood what I was dealing with. I hate he died from leukemia 15 years back. But we all gotta go sometime and now retirement is calling my name, so dear Grey Pony Lounge. Big booby Beulah is clocking out for the last time. Good riddance…