Being Roger to his Jessica Rabbit

We're not going to act like this is about to be a sweep you off your feet, two tears in a bucket, go through a little drama here and there, cute, cuddly gay love story, cause THIS AINT THAT HUNNY! Instead strap yourself in to the rollercoaster that has unexpectedly, unfortunately known as my Love life, the adult years. Now, I will have to do some quick recapping for everyone that doesn't live inside my head and have been following me around everyday for the last 10-15 years, LOL. Of course, that is to be expected, so bare with me and re-read if necessary.

First things is, I'm a 35 year old BFA holding performing artist, turned what the hell am i going to do with my life now that I have lost and found myself so many times. have fallen in and out and out in and out and now...back in, i think, with the family monarch from which my silver spoon was thus-ly inherited from (In my best Cockney Shakespearian accent, BUT horrible because I absolutely suck art doing , and cant tell the difference between the English accent and an Aussie "Down Under" accent to save your or my own life in an international kidnapping situation, Bible. But, any-whosey-woosey-cuzzey, right so, about 15 years or more ago, wow its hard to even write out its so painfully long ago, that in-between time after high school graduation before people either do or don't go to try college life or begin their traumatic slippery slops of adulthood, parenthood or as the Rugrats would say, "Being a Grown-ups!" LOL

Its hard enough to think that i was fortunate enough to meet , court and end up in an on again, off again relationship with my soulmate at such a young, tender time of my development, but i am convinced that he is exactly that. my soulmate. Have you ever had that feeling about someone, whether they are aware of it or not?? you feel that, even with a gun to your head and one put to your favorite parent's head too, that you would choose this person over any and everything else that some people would otherwise find dyerly important to have in their life. Well, that is exactly how I feel about him (codename: Jessica Rabbit). He is physically everything that I am attracted to in a mate. He's about six feet to six feet one, taller than myself. He holds very well a stocky or thick build, which in numbers pans out to be at least a good 215-230lbs, which suits me just fine because i have always been more attracted to Big Guys. i sometimes joke with people that this subject is brought up with that, " I'm not only a client of the I Love Fat Boys Club, but I am also the President." His eyes are my favorite shades of light brown and green mixed in the most gentle of ways by only the creators Hand. Lips that were only made to be fawned over by anything that isn't his tongue. a smile that has been the downfall of too many guards and walls or defenses that I have ever attempted to put up in hopes of shutting off any feelings that I might still have for him. making me melt, reconsider and eventually completely even forget what I could have possibly been upset with this gorgeous Adonis that stands before me. but, that's the other side to the power that he holds over me. The ways that are not of the Light and good nature. When he chooses to use his gifts for evil instead of the productive positive moments, as he should. the master manipulative ways that his eyes make easy to believe. The lies that he tells are believed and looked over with the breeze and never second guessed in that moment or any other moment in the future. his cuddly poppa bear body is turned into a weapon made to destroy me and bring me harm when things have gotten really out of control. which have only been a handful of times that I am only able to count on one hand, if I'm being completely honest. So I would definitely have to say that his physical abuse track record is much better than any of my other official boyfriends that I have had in my dating career.

So far i guess one could say that i haven't had the best resume when it comes to the relationships I have committed myself to, but just like icon Elizabeth Taylor or Jennifer "J.Lo" Lopez, I am a hopeless romantic in love with the idea of being in love and will take as many partners necessary until "The One" for me is found. Lucky for me I already have a pretty good idea of whom that is. Now, I just have to figure out how to get him to love me from the same depth and passion that I do so adore him or how the hell am I going to get over him, pick up the remaining pieces of my heart and move on with my life, with as little emotional turmoil as possible. This should be fun, smh.

To be continued...