Be Your Own Muse

"I am my own muse. I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to know better." -Frida Kahlo

I wanted to use the note taking function on my Kindle Scribe a little bit more. Just to help me stay consistent with journalling. I bought three of Nina Madsen's books on my birthday. It was a steal of a deal for only $0.99 per book. I started working on this journal and the first few prompts captured my attention.

I wanted to share them with you guys too as well as my answers to the prompts.

• How might a painting of your life look? What colours does it hold; what symbols and images?

A painting of my life would look like a girl holding her head, in shades of blue, black and painted pinks and purples in the background. Bruises and the phoenix rising from the ashes is what came to mind for the background image. Maybe some shades of gold and silvers around the phoenix bird.

• What sort of strength could it provide others?

It can provide people some form of clarity for others struggling with their own wounds.

• How would it guide the rest of your life?

What came to mind, was to treat other people with kid gloves. To treat others the way that I wish I had been treated.

• What lessons could it teach to those who could see it?

People do see it. It is written all over my face. But I can be a model of strength and a pillar of light for those that need it the most. If I can teach myself and others how to love themselves- even when they don't feel so loveable, I'm doing 100% better than I was years ago when I thoroughly hated every part of myself.

• Most of all, how did this story shape who you are today?

I have a big keep out sign around my heart. There is this line from a song by HONESTAV, that goes "And I don't want no new friends, my heart's still got bruises." I really related to that line. I think that line dictated my original imagery at the beginning of this post. And maybe that's what trauma is. I closed myself off to the world but I'm still kind, I'm still loving. I just treat myself with more care now.

But I'm going to love myself regardless if people don't love me back. I wish I didn't hold myself at arms length from other people but I don't have a choice right now.

_____________________________

So far, I'm really enjoying this journal by Nina Madsen. I had to recommend it. There’s something incredibly grounding and honest in the way she writes. There’s another line that keeps echoing in my mind, it’s a popular Facebook quote, but it resonates with me deeply: "Envision your highest self- and show up as her." I think that’s what being your own muse truly means. It’s not about perfection- it’s about choosing yourself, especially in moments when the world seems to forget your worth.

It’s okay to love yourself just a little bit more in situations meant to break you. It’s okay to hold space for your healing and still be soft enough to receive love from others. An example of this: my neighbour showed up with an expensive gift for me that she had won at a work convention. It was expensive makeup. I did not know how to receive such a loving gift from a stranger. Allow that love- whether it’s your own or from someone else- to soak into your wounds like gold, sealing the cracks and making you whole again. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Let it be the fuel that carries you forward into becoming the best, truest version of yourself.

Chloe Rose Violet 🌹