A Rock and A Hard Place

I recently went for an "interview". Felt more like an interrogation.

Let me preface this by saying that this was an attempt at a transfer! It was a sort of internal interview. I wasn't trying to transfer from store to store BUT I was trying to transfer to another store chain owned by the same company.

I have been unhappy in my job for years. Only much more recently I've felt the sudden urge to jump ship as it were. The store I currently work for has been heading in a downward spiral the last three or four years and it doesn't show any signs of slowing.

My best friend works for this other chain and, knowing my plight, tried valiantly to help me by putting in a good word for me with his management. I wasn't super excited about transferring because, let's face it, retail is the same no matter where you go. I've long been of the mind that if I was going to leave this store/company I'd leave the entire retail industry but lately I've been desperate. And with this recent foray back into the "hiring" process I proved my point...to myself. BUT my best friend built it up so much in my head that I really couldn't ignore the pull-

* I would have better hours, allowing me to go to school and not worry about having to cut my hours so I'd get to campus on time.

* I would have better pay. Which, of course, is the main reason many of us even apply for a job! To be honest I've been treading water lately and you'd think after being at a job for almost 20 years that I'd at least be making the same in dollar amount- not so.

* The environment, he assured me, was night and day. He said it was so much less stressful and the managers there care more about their workers. Who wouldn't want that in a job?

* Half of my shift, the store would be closed. Meaning no customers to get in my way. No customers to cause my anxiety to freak out and my heart to jump into my throat. Fucking wonderful.

You know that saying, right? I know you know which one I'm talking about- say it with me everyone!

"If it seems too good to be true, it usually is!"

Somehow I was blind to this. Everything was going right. There was even a serendipitous moment where my best friend and I ran into the manager that he'd spoken to about me. Mind you, this manager had tried to get me over there several times, putting forth a few different positions. My bestie told me, after we had met, that this manager really wanted me to come work for him.

So, I put in the request, he opened the requisition, I applied.

I hadn't told my manager yet that I wanted to transfer, which is frowned upon by management apparently.

But I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch. What if I tell my manager that I want to leave and the other place rejects me or I find I'm not a good fit or whatever? Then I have to go back to my current place and get treated differently by this manager and/or other management. They see it as a disloyal move which makes absolutely no sense. Some of us work for money, some of us work for passion, and some are lucky enough to work for both. When you work for money, you follow the money. Also, I find it hypocritical in the highest and most pure form that a company will put on your evaluation "valued performance", in practice treat you like the dog shit they stepped in, and when you try to leave call you disloyal. Muthafuckah, what?

Let's bring it back, bring it into focus...

This past holiday weekend I spent with my best friend, his boyfriend, and his mother. It was a lovely relaxing time. Sunday night I was informed that I was basically hired but the store manager wanted to meet me in order to get to know me. When I was relaying this story to my mother I got a very odd look. She said in all her years of working for the company the store manager was never part of the hiring process. Now that I think about it...it is odd. Hiring is always done by personnel and at the end an assistant manager might come in but never a store manager. I told her maybe because I was transferring...Anyway, cool, no problem...until my friend tells me that this store manager doesn't like referrals. I found this to be odd because why wouldn't you trust a recommendation from one of your hardest workers? This didn't sit well with me. Then my friend went on saying that I'd have to lie and not mention that I knew him.

Let me make something VERY clear. I don't lie. Maybe a white lie here and there but on the whole I hate liars and it's impossible for me to lie because everything is written on my face. Even with a face mask, people can tell when I'm not myself. I thought to myself, great I'm already nervous, now I have to be doubly so.

My friend tried to coach me with questions he thought his store manager might ask. I would blank, he'd stare at me and say "just tell him what he wants to hear".

And I thought to myself, I've never met this guy, I have no idea what he's like, I don't know what he wants to hear!

Next morning, I drove thirty minutes for this new opportunity. When I go in I see my friend and pretend not to know him. He takes me to their personnel offices. I sit and wait while he goes to the back to announce my arrival. I hear them laughing. He comes back out and says, "they know we're friends". I'm like...ok? Inwardly, I'm thinking what does this mean? Should I still lie? Wait....what?

Five minutes later the store manager comes out followed by the manager I already met who wants me for his areas. He and I exchange very spirited greetings. They talk for a couple minutes until I'm called into the office.

"Nice to meet you, blah...blah...blah." Really though, blah, blah, blah.

He asks me to tell him a little bit about myself. I fucking hate that question and I can't help myself-

"That's a bit vague, isn't it?" I ask with a bit of a chuckle.

My brattiness is already making an appearance. I can't relax and I can't think because I'm too worried about slipping up and saying something I shouldn't.

I fumble on describing myself because I never fucking think about myself like that. I don't list all my traits, strengths, and weaknesses in my spare time! Who does that? I can hammer the fact that I'm a great worker with excellent experience into a manager until the cows come home but how can they take me on my word? They won't know until I start working for them, so what does it matter?

I really hate interview questions. I hate that they're designed to trip you up just like exams. I hate how impersonal they are. I hate how vague they are. I hate how stiff they make me feel. I hate how disingenuous they make me feel. I hate how judgmental they make the interviewer seem. The atmosphere doesn't breed confidence and comfort. And you want your prospective worker to be comfortable so that they'll open up to you. That's the only way to know if they'd be a good fit.

The number one question I hate?

"Why do you want to work here?"

Uh...cause I need money to live?

I understand that in some settings it's necessary- like in political, medical, or entertainment settings because you want to know if their views, mission, or visions align with yours. But in the world of retail? Bitch, please. Nobody wants to work at Walmart, Wendy's, or The Gap because it's the end all be all of their existence. They need a job that will pay the bills, get off your high horse. Honestly.

"Oh yes, I love making Frostys everyday for snot-nosed brats and their Karen mothers!"

Question after question after question, laced with pregnant pauses gave me the distinct impression that this was not going well. I should've just stopped the interview, apologized for wasting our time, and left.

After I left the interview, I honestly felt it went well. I don't know why...

By the end of the interview things had lightened up so I felt okay. The store manager did mention that I'd need to talk to my manager and that I really should've done that first...but remember why I didn't want to? Haha, yes!

The next day I was determined to let my manager know that I had the intention of transferring. I got a text from my friend asking if I'd done just that. I said not yet. A few moments later I get a flurry of texts from him relaying to me how angry he was and that he tried. I replied with..."wait, what?".

He called me and we had a nice, yet infuriating, conversation about how the store manager could tell that I was a good worker, I'd be a great candidate but no. Ok. He could tell I was hiding something...everyone is. We're all lying during interviews. But what I don't get is what he wanted to hear.

My friend eventually told him the reasons why I wanted to leave my place of employment, much the same reasons that now I'm glad I won't be working over there!

So let's recap- this store manager didn't want someone referred, yet didn't want a hard worker. I was told to lie, did, failed, oh well.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I must have dodged a bullet. The stars aligned for one brief hopeful moment before they fell out of the sky and came crashing down where they've always been. The universe clearly told me I read that serendipitous sign incorrectly!

The whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth because for some reason that place will hire a person that can't speak English but won't accept my experienced hard work as a transfer...interesting. The interviewing skills of this manager leaves something greatly to be desired. A manager should make a prospective worker feel welcome, comfortable, and valued not like a criminal. That atmosphere of accusation and silent standoffish behavior breeds contempt at best.

And the more I think about it, the more it seems like a power trip on his part. My friend, his manager, and I spoke at length to each other to set this in motion but the store manager had to prove that he had the last word. He was the ultimate authority. Sad.

On the bright side I have a few other applications floating about and this place was not my first choice.