7 Days of Grieving - 5

November 10, Sunday

Today was a day of prepping for the week: cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and grading and prepping for the classes to teach. Nothing exciting but the routine is good for reflection.

I went about my day, doing regular things, and most of the times not even thinking about the election and Trump. But then it suddenly washes over you: a text from a friend, a FB Messenger ping or an SNL clip on YouTube. And then the despair again rises from the depth of your stomach and you have hard trouble pushing it down.

In between doing all those things, I’ve made good progress on my knitting project that I just started yesterday: the mittens are almost done! I will start on the hat tomorrow night and the scarf will be just a breeze. I’m a fast knitter and knitting helps me a lot to sort my thoughts out. Here’s the picture of mittens:

This yarn also helps me to knit fast: it’s a 100% luxuriously silky baby alpaca wool by Indiecita from Peru. It slides and distributes itself beautifully. When on my hand, it feels incredibly warm and soft.

My dear friend Peg called me to discuss Thanksgiving plans. She and her husband Jim have taken me here as a family member and I can always land with them. They know how much it means for me.

In the afternoon, I’ve spoken with another great friend from my home country whose husband got a good job in Canada last year. They moved to Toronto and seemed to be adjusting well. In the spring, she called me and said that they’d won a green card lottery. I was so happy for them and was looking forward for them to move down here. Selfishly, I was hoping they’d move to where I am as it would be so much easier for documentation purposes. And I would have someone from my home country so close. Now I’m not so sure. Perhaps it would be better for them to stay in Canada for at least the time Trump is president. They are Kyrgyz, so I’m worried that casual racism that is on the rise might target them.

I’m worried more an more about Ukraine. I’m sure Trump will push Zelenskyy to negotiate with Putin on Putin’s conditions, which will mean the end of Ukraine as we know it. It will be another frozen conflict in Europe.

I belong to a couple of FB groups that help me feel I’m not alone. In one of the groups, a woman asked what would be a good response to her co-workers who voted for Trump and know that she is in distress. This is what I wrote I’d say, based on my own experience:

“I know you feel like you’ve won. The fact is, everyone lost in this election. You just don’t know it yet. I hope when the time comes you will realize that what is unfolding is the consequence of your decision. For now, I need my space to grieve and process the loss. Please respect that. If I need something from you, I will let you know.”

It was incredibly liberating for me when I said it. Once you clear the air without blaming them, just focusing on the truth and your feelings, it will make it a lot easier. And you can avoid this person for as long as you want because really, what might you need from them at this point? Be civil, grounded, and chug along, don’t give them a reason to gloat over your “libral tears.”

We’ll start organizing soon. I hear that the national Women’s March is already being called for, right before the Inauguration just like it was in his first term. I’m definitely going and I know several people who will be going as well. Even though I’m sure his people will tell the demented cretin that all those women gathered to congratulate him. We’ll resist every way we can.

Tomorrow will be another day.