23&Broke

I am a 23-year-old IT student in a third-world country. My days often start with the same routine - waking up early in the morning, applying to numerous jobs online, and eagerly awaiting responses. But as the day unfolds, it often ends with nothing but a series of rejections. It's a cycle I've become all too familiar with.

In this unforgiving job market, sometimes, I am fortunate to earn just $8.84 a month. Yes, you read that right - a meager sum that barely covers my daily expenses. I find myself living a life of financial struggle, and the weight of it all can be overwhelming at times.

I am currently in my third year of university, pursuing a degree in Information Technology. I owe this opportunity to my parents, who work tirelessly to pay my tuition fees and provide me with a small allowance to get by. It's not much, but having an allowance is a blessing when compared to the days when I had only $8.84 a month to rely on.

My living conditions reflect the harsh reality of my circumstances. My room is a tiny space, barely larger than a cupboard. Inside, there's just a chair, a table, and a bed on the floor. The room is devoid of any luxury or comfort, and as I lay down to rest, my eyes often drift towards the ceiling, where a noisy fan is my only source of respite from the sweltering heat.

Sitting in this confined space, I can't help but question the purpose of my education. What's the point of pursuing a degree when it feels like I can't even secure a decent job? Doubts creep in, and I find myself wrestling with feelings of inadequacy. I wonder if I am just not good enough, smart enough, or deserving enough of success.

The days seem to pass by in a blur. I wake up early, and when I look outside, all I see is darkness. The world feels like a distant place where dreams are achieved, and aspirations realized. But for me, it often feels like I'm stuck in a perpetual cycle of uncertainty and disappointment.

As I scroll through social media platforms like Instagram, I can't help but notice the success stories of others, especially those who are much younger than me. I see 19-year-olds, 18-year-olds, and even kids as young as 12, who seem to be soaring to incredible heights in their careers and passions. Envy is an emotion that I grapple with frequently. It's an emotion that makes me feel like a bad person, as though I am betraying those who care about me by harboring such feelings.

I wonder if I am too inadequate to achieve anything meaningful. Self-doubt clouds my judgment, and I question my own worthiness. The road ahead seems long and uncertain, and I often find myself pondering how much longer I will have to endure these challenges.

In this room that feels both confining and lonely, I long for connection. I yearn for someone to love, someone to share a smile with, and someone to confide in during moments of sorrow. But for now, my days continue to pass by in seconds, and I hold on to the hope that someday, the darkness will lift, and I will find my path to success and happiness.