2021: My Real Life

Engraved: "I will always love you forever!" I always wanted that sentiment directed at me. On a heart shaped locket is all the better with a picture of me and my sweetheart.

One time I cut the base of my family's Christmas tree about 3 inches up from the bottom when I was a senior in High School, and I carved a heart shaped box to give this girl on Salt Spring Island who I spoke on the phone with every Sunday usually I think it was. You know, I actually don't think I ever finished it. It was close! I gave her a way too nice and expensive Russian Lacquer box instead. My mom gave me that to give to her along with a fresh water pearl necklace. They were nice. Too nice. My mom also gave me chocolates to give to their family.

That was back 22 years ago! Back when people were real, before cell phones and computers started to really wreck everybody's lives. Before all this p.c. culture and liberal activism started making real headway into wrecking peoples lives. Do people love any more? Are they allowed to love? There surely were people back 22 years ago that were in "love" with their dogs and wanted to marry them and have relations with them, but that evil society we lived in wouldn't let them. Love is love.....

I am almost the big 4-0. I went to Hawai'i and on the way back, the whole trip, it was constant quite.  There were many young people, especially many attractive girls on my flight from HNL (Honolulu) to JFK, but nobody was laughing or jovial or really talking. It was basically constant solemness. People were sleeping. It's not how I would have wanted it. I would have wanted it like Lenny Kravitz's hotel room or private plane, but all these losers act like it is jail and sleep.

This is life, and they aren't in it. One guy in Hawai'i works at Costco and was playing a guitar. I spoke to him and said that I'd like to play the guitar. I think I said I think I can do it, and he said that if I thought I couldn't, either way I'd be right.

Hawai'i has some sayings like that. Like, "Can, can" or "Can't, can't." Or maybe it is both put together! -"Can, Can; Can't, Can't." What they mean is that if I can do something-whatever it is you are talking about- I can do it, but if I can't, I can't.

When I was at Gonzaga University in 1999, people were so much fun. In our student center, there would always be people having fun and joking around. About 6 years ago, I visited Fordham University, which is a comparable Regional Jesuit University like Gonzaga, and I went into their student center and everybody had their nose into a lap top. There was no fun and no joking around. It was really sad and shocking. What a sad way to live....if you call that living. People too scared to experience real life and make their own fun and take advantage of what they have and the amazingness of every moment. Instead, they were caught up in what they think other people think and more than likely, what the biggest jerks and losers have to say and spread. They choose to be caught up in sad, insecure people's over compensation.

It's hard to get used to this loneliness and lameness when you were not borne into it. I guess you don't know what you have until it's gone, or in the case of many young people: they don't know because they never had it. They are like real aliens to this world. They only know what they think they know watching.

And I'm like an alien out of place with no one to talk to.