Rabbi Debra Bennet on Jewish Community, the Ethics of Belonging, and Building Inclusive “Third Spaces” at a JCC

Rabbi Debra Bennet is the Director of Jewish Life & Learning at the Mid Island Y JCC in Plainview, NY. Ordained in 2007, she has served as Rabbi Educator at Temple Beth Torah in Melville and Associate Rabbi at Temple Chaverim in Plainview, where she developed programs to engage teens and strengthen the Jewish community. Rabbi Bennet focuses on the ethics and practice of belonging, fostering dialogue across differences, navigating pastoral and communal challenges, and creating inclusive, connected communities in synagogues, schools, and Jewish organizations.

With Scott Douglas Jacobsen, Rabbi Debra Bennet explains that Jewish community is rooted in shared peoplehood, memory, and mutual responsibility. She highlights the minyan as an ethical safeguard against isolation, especially in grief, and frames belonging as a lived practice shaped by holidays, mitzvot, and the call to repair the world. In conversation with Scott Douglas Jacobsen, she describes how JCCs can unite diverse participants through multiple entry points and universal human needs. She discusses conflict as unmet needs, accountability through dialogue, teshuvah as repair, and digital Judaism’s paradox of access and disconnection.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: In Jewish thought, what makes a group of people a community? What are the ethics of belonging in Jewish traditions?

Rabbi Debra Bennet: In Jewish thought, community is at the center of our Jewish identity. We are not merely a religion defined by individual belief, but as "People", a group bound by a shared history, a common culture, and a collective destiny. This transition from a collection of individuals into a true community occurs largely through our commitment to mutual responsibility.

We see this most clearly in the laws of the minyan: our tradition mandates that ten Jewish adults must be present to recite the Mourner's Kaddish. This requirement ensures that a person in the depths of grief is never left to walk that path alone. Instead, they are surrounded by a community that cares for them and holds their pain.

This sense of belonging is further cemented by our shared past, which is woven into the fabric of our holidays. Whether we are reliving the exodus from Egypt on Passover, resisting oppression on Chanukah, or standing together at the foot of Mount Sinai on Shavuot, we experience these milestones not as historical footnotes, but as personal and collective memories.

Finally, a community is defined by its shared mission. To be part of the Jewish community is to be tasked with L'taken et Ha'olam, to repair the world. Through

The performance of mitzvot, the commandments, we move beyond ourselves to take active responsibility for the well-being of others, transforming a group of people, in our greatest moments, we pray, into a unified force for good.

Jacobsen: In a JCC setting, how do you build community across differences?

Bennet: Building community across differences requires a commitment to the idea that we can be a unified community without being a uniform one. In a JCC, we see individuals from a vast array of religious backgrounds, cultural perspectives, and life experiences entering our doors every day. To build a cohesive community among them, we must meet people exactly where they are.

This involves creating diverse 'on-ramps' for communal life. For some, the entry point is a secular one, like a fitness class or a parenting group, while for others, it is deeply spiritual, like a class on Jewish identity or an experience of a holiday. By providing these accessible entry points, we allow people to enter this community on their own terms and feel a sense of comfort and belonging wherever they are.

In addition, the key to building across these differences is to identify the universal threads within our Jewish values. We connect people through shared human experiences, including the desire for health, the education of children, or the need for support during aging. By focusing on these connections, the Mid Island Y JCC becomes a rare 'third space', where people who might never meet can build meaningful relationships based on mutual care and a shared sense of place.

Jacobsen: What are common rabbinical realities in navigating beneath community conflict? How do you design accountability, firm but non-punitive?

Bennet: In navigating community conflict, it is essential to recognize that conflict often reflects unmet needs or deep-seated fears. My approach to leadership in these moments centers on the power of the conversation itself, connecting with individuals and groups through curiosity rather than judgment. By facilitating honest dialogue, we allow individuals to feel heard, which is often the first step in de-escalating tension. The goal is to learn from others and arrive at new conclusions together. This mirrors the Jewish value of Machloket l'shem shamayim (dispute for the sake of heaven), where the objective is to reach a higher truth through the respectful discussion of different perspectives.

Jacobsen: What does repair look like in practice, individually and then communally?

Bennet: Human beings are fallible. We all make mistakes, and we all act in ways we later wish we could change. Rather than faulting this as a flaw, Judaism recognizes it as an essential part of the human experience. This is why Yom Kippur is one of our most sacred days; it is a communal acknowledgement that we have gone astray and a collective commitment to do better. In practice, repair, or Teshuvah, is the process of taking responsibility for our "missed marks" and actively working to realign ourselves with our values.

Individually, repair begins with an honest inventory of our actions, followed by a sincere effort to make amends to those we have hurt. It is not just about saying 'I'm sorry,' but about changing behaviour so when the same situation arises again, we choose a different path. Communally, repair looks like creating a culture of forgiveness and second chances. It means building a community that is strong enough to hold the mistakes of its members without casting them out. When we practice repair together, we move from a place of judgment to a place of grace, recognizing that our shared fallibility is what binds us most closely. We believe in the human capacity for change, and our communal structures should reflect that hope.

Jacobsen: How has digital Judaism changed the texture of belonging?

Bennet: The digital age presents a unique paradox for Jewish belonging. On one hand, technology can feel isolating, with individuals often more connected to their devices than to the people sitting beside them. In this landscape, the Jewish emphasis on physical, face-to-face community becomes a vital antidote to modern loneliness.

At the same time, digital Judaism has expanded our understanding of what belonging means by removing the barriers of geography and physical ability. Today, belonging is no longer confined to a single zip code. We see this when a loved one attends a funeral across the country via Zoom because they can no longer travel, or when millions of Jews tune into Shabbat services from their living rooms. Digital tools allow our most skilled teachers to reach students far beyond their own cities, democratizing Jewish wisdom.

While we must be careful not to let digital connection replace the intimacy of shared physical space, these tools have ensured that no Jew, regardless of their health, location, or mobility, ever must be truly outside the community.

Jacobsen: From teen and intergenerational work, what practices reliably turn participation into ownership?

Bennet: Ownership happens when we make individuals part of the story, showing them that the Jewish narrative is not just something they inherit, but something they are actively helping to create. In my experience with teen and intergenerational work, this transition occurs through agency and shared experience. Whether it is a group of teens exploring the complexities of Israel through deep, honest conversation, or grandparents and grandchildren learning together how to bring the ritual of Havdalah into their modern, diverse homes, the goal is to move from passive learning to active participants in their Jewish lives. The story is not our story; it is their story as well.

Jacobsen: Thank you very much for the opportunity and your time, Debra.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen is the publisher of In-Sight Publishing (ISBN: 978-1-0692343) and Editor-in-Chief of In-Sight: Interviews (ISSN: 2369-6885). He writes for The Good Men Project, International Policy Digest (ISSN: 2332–9416), The Humanist (Print: ISSN 0018-7399; Online: ISSN 2163-3576), Basic Income Earth Network (UK Registered Charity 1177066), A Further Inquiry, and other media. He is a member in good standing of numerous media organizations.