Misha Butler

This is going to sound a bit pretentious, (but please stick with me). As a rule when writing these articles I try not to label individuals as anything other than their professions; writers, artist, filmmaker etc. I try to leave labels and genders at the door and focus on the work of the individual. However it is an undeniable truth that creatives throughout all of history have drawn inspiration and power from both their struggles and their journeys toward self acceptance. For Misha Butler an actor and writer, his career, work and identity have, so far, been inseparable from the fact that he is a Trans-Actor, and as such our interview was largely influenced by discussions on gender and the role it plays, as well as the roles he is now looking forward to playing.

Over the last few years the discussions around gender have changed dramatically, especially in terms of representation and sheer quantity and quality of roles depicting the transitions of the Trans community. Many Trans individuals currently making names for themselves in the acting world never believed acting was an option for them, Misha included. ‘I didn't ever think I would be acting, it was definitely always a very important pastime for me; I loved doing all the plays at school, and literally there are so many videos and photos of me and my siblings and my family friends putting on plays. But I always thought I cant do this. This is not a thing that I can do professionally. And then I did this acting course at Central called Trans Acting Course, I didn't actually get onto it originally, but then someone dropped out I managed to get into the last 3 sessions of it I think, and just missed the Eddie Redmayne session which was very annoying! So through that I got an audition that I actually missed... and then I emailed them being like please please please let me audition, and they were like please audition because we haven't found anyone yet. And I did, and my agent saw it and was like I want him.’

And remarkably this positive experience in the acting world has continued on, ‘to be honest, every single person I've worked with in this industry has been so lovely. And I've heard so many horror stories about people being the biggest drama queens or divas, but the more people I meet the more everyone is like another sibling or a parent, as everyone seems to be older than me as well!’ though not surprising as when you meet Misha he is basically sunshine in human form, and seems the radiate a glow of contentment and optimism (or he could just be an exceptional actor!)

But despite his well maintained and polished demeanor self-care has been a challenging area for Misha over the last few years ‘It's really hard for me personally, it's been a really long process to get to a point where I feel comfortable doing things that are part of that self-care routine. Because I think it's a very masculine trait to not care about that sort of thing, and I think for a long time because I was compensating for having not been designated male at birth I always sort of overly compensated for that and would very much hide that part of me’ But thankfully he has made progress in this area, (And Misha if you are reading this please for the love of Odin take care of yourself, you are a wonderful human and your brilliance deserves to be maintained for as long as humanly possible, so go and light some candles, stick some Beyonce on and have a bath! You’ve earned it!)

One of the things that impresses me such much about Misha is his self-analysis and ability to not only see where he needs to improve to take care of himself but also to take the time to make sure he addresses his issues in a healthy and constructive way. Deciding to Transition can be a huge mental minefield which Misha has navigated seemingly with ease, though the obvious physical Transition can have some unexpected effects ‘I find it very hard to cry ever since I started testosterone, that's why acting has been so useful to me because it means that I can go to those places and I can fully squeeze out some tear tears. Because it's stressful not being able to cry you just get all of the pressure and none of the release. And so sometimes when I'm quite like pent up I'll just grab I hamlet monologue and in my room I would just read a monologue and start crying, it's not the only way but it is an easy way to release a lot of that pent up emotion that comes from life and stress.’

I asked Misha if he had anything to add at the end of our interview, or anything he wanted to say; ‘It's interesting in terms of being a creative and being Trans, I never know in these sorts of things how much to talk about it. But it's something that is undeniably an important part of my process, and my career and my life. But I also find myself, as I grow older, moving away from that as a defining feature. And I know that everyone is like 'I'm not defined by my identity' or whatever, and as a younger person I did feel like, yeah ok, I'm not completely defined by it but it is a large defining feature of me and I still believe that. And I still believe that had I been born different, had I been born cis-gender, I would be deep down a very very different person. I don't regret that, not that I can regret it because I didn't have a choice in it. But I don't resent it. The person I am is someone I am happy to be. And that's what I want to represent as a sort of ambassador as a Trans-actor. I find it hard to be an activist online, and things like that. I just want to be authentically myself within this industry and hope that that means other people can look at that and think this isn't such a crazy thing. Because me at 14/15 whatever, was looking at actors and being like that's not a thing I can do, but now thinking why do I think that? And more and more kids are thinking year I could do that. So yeah that's what important to me…’