Guiding Kids Through Emotions: Parenting Tips from a Therapist

In today's fast-paced world, teaching kids about emotions is essential. Children encounter big feelings—like anger, sadness, fear, and frustration—almost daily, yet often lack the vocabulary and strategies to process them. As parents, we may know the importance of emotional intelligence, but translating that knowledge into practical steps for our children can feel challenging. We know it’s vital to guide them through their emotions, but where do we start?

Leah Matheson, a Kansas City therapist and EMDR-certified counselor, recently shared her insights on helping kids understand and handle their emotions. In this podcast episode, Leah offers practical strategies for parents to talk to their children about feelings and increase emotional comfort. By doing so, children learn how to express their emotions healthily, reducing outbursts and fostering a supportive environment at home.

Let’s dive into some of Leah’s most valuable tips and understand how you can guide your kids through the complex world of emotions.

1. Why Emotions Matter and How They Impact Kids

Emotions play a fundamental role in shaping how children navigate the world. They are natural responses that signal what’s going on internally and externally. For kids, emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming—especially if they don’t yet have the words to express them. That’s where parents come in.

Parents can help children understand that emotions are normal, not something to fear or suppress. Leah explains that emotions are a “compass,” guiding behavior and decisions. For instance, anger often points to deeper emotions like fear or sadness, while happiness signals contentment or excitement. By helping kids recognize these signals, parents can teach them that emotions are not the enemy, but allies to be understood and managed.

Encouraging children to talk openly about their feelings can prevent bottling them up, which often leads to emotional outbursts. Letting kids know that it’s okay to feel frustrated or angry—and that those feelings are valid—can make a significant difference in how they perceive their emotions and ultimately, in how they express them.

2. Helping Kids Name Their Feelings

One of the most powerful tools for guiding children through emotions is teaching them to label what they’re feeling. Leah highlights the importance of providing children with the vocabulary to articulate their emotions. Words like “angry,” “frustrated,” “scared,” or “excited” may seem basic to adults, but for kids, learning these words can be a revelation.

Consider a situation where your child is throwing a tantrum. Instead of immediately reacting or trying to calm them down, you might ask questions like, “Are you feeling upset because you wanted something else?” or “Are you frustrated because things didn’t go as you planned?” Over time, they’ll start to recognize these words and associate them with specific feelings.

Naming emotions helps children feel seen and understood. It also gives them a framework to understand themselves and others, fostering empathy. As they grow, they’ll be more likely to approach emotional situations with curiosity instead of frustration or aggression.

3. Becoming the “Thermostat” in Your Home

One of Leah’s key pieces of advice for parents is to think of themselves as the “thermostat” in their household. What does this mean? Simply put, parents set the tone for emotional responses within the family. If parents handle emotions with calmness and understanding, children are more likely to mirror that behavior.

Let’s say your child has had a hard day at school, and they’re acting out at home. As a parent, if you react with anger or frustration, this response can escalate the situation. Instead, if you respond calmly, it models a measured approach to emotional expression. Leah encourages parents to ask themselves: “What energy am I bringing into this interaction?”

Being the thermostat means acknowledging your feelings without letting them control your reactions. Kids are incredibly intuitive and can sense when parents are authentically managing their emotions versus pretending to be okay. Modeling emotional control—especially when times are tough—can teach children that it’s possible to feel big emotions without losing control.

4. Modeling Compassionate Leadership

Effective parenting is similar to compassionate leadership. When parents approach their children with empathy, patience, and understanding, they create an environment where kids feel valued and respected. Leah describes this as "modeling compassionate leadership," where parents act as supportive guides rather than authoritarian figures.

In practice, this could mean listening without judgment when a child expresses difficult feelings. It’s easy to brush off a child’s emotions, especially if they seem exaggerated or dramatic. However, Leah emphasizes that validating these feelings—by saying something like, “I can see that you’re really upset”—is crucial to helping kids feel safe and understood. This approach not only fosters trust but also encourages children to openly share their emotions in the future.

Compassionate leadership also means guiding children without shaming or punishing them for expressing emotions. When parents demonstrate kindness and understanding, children learn to extend these behaviors to themselves and others.

5. Understanding the Difference Between Emotions and Feelings

A valuable lesson Leah shares is distinguishing between “emotions” and “feelings.” While often used interchangeably, there is a subtle difference between the two. Emotions are automatic, physical responses triggered by external or internal events, while feelings are shaped by our thoughts and experiences.

Understanding this difference can help parents guide children in processing emotions more mindfully. For instance, when a child feels angry (an emotion), they might interpret it as feeling unfairly treated or ignored (a feeling). Teaching children to recognize the emotion and then explore the feeling behind it can lead to healthier expression.

Helping children identify what specific situations or thoughts are causing their feelings can also foster emotional intelligence. They’ll learn to navigate emotions more effectively and make conscious choices about how to respond, rather than acting impulsively.

6. Navigating Anger and Anxiety

Anger and anxiety are two of the most common emotions that children struggle with. Anger, in particular, often acts as a mask for more vulnerable feelings like sadness or fear. Leah explains that teaching children to recognize these underlying emotions can prevent aggressive reactions and promote healthier ways to express feelings.

When a child is angry, a helpful approach is to acknowledge their anger and encourage them to look deeper. Ask questions like, “Is there something that made you feel sad or worried today?” This approach helps children understand that anger is often a response to something more complex. By exploring the root causes, they’ll learn that it’s okay to feel vulnerable and that they don’t have to resort to anger as a primary response.

7. Age-Appropriate Honesty

Finally, Leah underscores the importance of age-appropriate honesty. Children are highly sensitive to the emotions of those around them, especially their parents. While it’s okay to shield children from overly complex or adult issues, being honest about your own feelings in a way they can understand builds trust.

For example, if you’re feeling stressed about work, you might say, “Mom had a hard day at work, so I’m feeling a little tired. But I’m here for you.” By doing this, you’re not unloading your stress on your child, but rather teaching them that it’s okay to feel and acknowledge emotions. This openness can encourage kids to approach their own emotions with similar honesty and awareness.

Wrapping Up: Building a Strong Emotional Foundation for Your Child

Parenting is no easy task, especially when it comes to helping children navigate their emotions. But by following these insights from Leah Matheson, parents can make great strides in raising emotionally resilient kids. Remember, guiding your children through emotions isn’t about eliminating challenging feelings; it’s about teaching them to understand and manage those feelings effectively.

When you help kids name their emotions, model compassionate leadership, and create a home where feelings are respected, you’re setting them up for emotional success. These lessons will carry into adulthood, equipping them with the emotional intelligence they need to thrive in life.

As Leah says, being the “thermostat” means creating a home environment where emotions can be expressed openly and handled mindfully. It’s a gift that will benefit your child—and your family—for years to come.