Empowering Boys: Redefining Strength Through Kindness with Dr. Matt Zakreski

In today’s world, the definition of strength is evolving, especially when it comes to boys and young men. For many years, traditional notions of masculinity have emphasized toughness, stoicism, and dominance as key characteristics of what it means to be "strong." But what if true strength lies in something softer, something more emotionally intelligent—something like kindness?

In an enlightening conversation with Dr. Matt Zakreski, PsyD, a renowned psychologist specializing in adolescent development, we explore the powerful role kindness can play in shaping stronger, more resilient, and compassionate boys. Dr. Zakreski's insights provide a fresh and much-needed perspective, offering practical advice for parents, educators, and mentors on how to empower teenage boys by embracing empathy and compassion.

The Traditional Notions of Masculinity

For generations, society has imposed rigid standards on boys. From a young age, they’re often told to "toughen up," "be a man," or "don’t cry." These phrases reflect the deeply ingrained belief that emotions, especially softer ones like kindness and compassion, are signs of weakness. Instead, boys are frequently encouraged to suppress their feelings, maintain a hard exterior, and assert dominance in their relationships and interactions.

This framework, however, can have damaging effects. Boys who are discouraged from showing their emotions may grow up feeling disconnected from their own emotional experiences. This can lead to issues like poor emotional regulation, difficulty forming healthy relationships, and even mental health struggles such as depression and anxiety. As Dr. Zakreski explains, "We need to break free from the traditional mold of masculinity and show boys that kindness, vulnerability, and emotional intelligence are not signs of weakness but of incredible strength."

Redefining Strength: The Role of Kindness

Kindness, at its core, is about empathy—understanding and caring about how others feel—and taking action to make a positive impact. It requires emotional intelligence, courage, and the ability to step outside of oneself to consider the experiences of others. These are traits that we should want to cultivate in all people, especially in young boys.

Dr. Zakreski points out that one of the biggest misconceptions is that kindness is passive or weak. In reality, kindness often requires bravery and resilience. "Being kind in a world that sometimes celebrates aggression and competition takes real strength," he says. "It means standing up for what’s right, helping others in need, and showing compassion even when it’s difficult."

Teaching boys to be kind doesn’t mean we’re asking them to be passive or overly agreeable. Instead, it’s about giving them the tools to navigate the complexities of life with emotional intelligence and integrity. When boys learn that kindness is a strength, they’re more likely to develop into well-rounded, emotionally healthy adults who can build positive relationships and contribute to their communities in meaningful ways.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

One of the key themes in Dr. Zakreski’s approach is the importance of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It’s a critical skill for success in almost every aspect of life, from personal relationships to professional environments.

For boys, developing emotional intelligence can be particularly transformative. By learning to identify and express their emotions in healthy ways, boys can avoid many of the pitfalls that come from emotional suppression. "Emotional intelligence isn’t about being overly emotional or soft," Dr. Zakreski explains. "It’s about being in control of your emotions, understanding them, and using them to navigate life’s challenges more effectively."

When boys are taught that it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or vulnerable—and that these feelings don’t make them weak—they’re better equipped to handle stress, disappointment, and conflict. They also become more empathetic, which strengthens their relationships and helps them to be better friends, partners, and leaders.

Practical Strategies for Empowering Boys with Kindness

So, how can parents, educators, and mentors begin to instill kindness and emotional intelligence in teenage boys? Dr. Zakreski offers several practical strategies that can be implemented at home, in schools, and in the broader community.

• Model Kindness and Empathy

Boys learn by observing the adults around them. One of the most effective ways to teach kindness is by modeling it yourself. Show empathy in your interactions, whether it’s by being a good listener, offering help when someone is struggling, or standing up for someone who’s being treated unfairly. When boys see kindness in action, they’re more likely to adopt those behaviors themselves.

• Encourage Emotional Expression

Create a safe space where boys feel comfortable expressing their emotions. Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or scared—and that talking about those feelings isn’t a sign of weakness. Encourage them to use their words to explain how they feel and why, rather than bottling things up or expressing emotions through aggression.

• Challenge Traditional Gender Norms

Help boys see that they don’t have to fit into traditional gender roles to be valued or respected. Teach them that kindness, empathy, and emotional intelligence are strengths, not weaknesses. Encourage them to form friendships with a diverse range of people and to appreciate the different ways that people express their emotions.

• Reward Acts of Kindness

Celebrate when boys show kindness. Whether it’s a simple act like sharing or something more significant like standing up for a friend, acknowledge and praise these behaviors. This positive reinforcement helps boys understand that kindness is something to be proud of and that it’s valued by the people around them.

• Teach Conflict Resolution Skills

It’s important for boys to learn how to resolve conflicts without resorting to aggression or domination. Dr. Zakreski suggests teaching boys how to communicate effectively, listen actively, and find solutions that work for everyone involved. These are skills that will serve them well in all areas of life, from friendships to future workplaces.

• Foster Community Engagement

Encourage boys to get involved in their communities by volunteering or participating in activities that promote kindness and empathy. Whether it’s helping at a local food bank or mentoring younger children, these experiences help boys see firsthand the impact that kindness can have on others.

Kindness as a Force for Change

One of the most powerful takeaways from Dr. Zakreski’s work is that kindness has the potential to transform not only individual lives but also the broader community. When boys are taught to value kindness, they become agents of positive change in their schools, neighborhoods, and future workplaces.

"Kindness creates a ripple effect," says Dr. Zakreski. "When boys are kind to others, it encourages others to be kind as well. It strengthens communities, builds trust, and fosters a sense of belonging. That’s real power."

Conclusion

Empowering boys through kindness is not about making them soft or weak. It’s about helping them tap into their emotional intelligence, develop empathy, and build the resilience they need to navigate life’s challenges. By redefining strength to include kindness, we can raise a generation of boys who are not only strong but also compassionate, empathetic, and capable of creating positive change in the world.