Who’s the biggest “don’t-mess-with-me” legend you’ve met?

1. Elementary School Mad Lad

Back in elementary school, in China.

There was this kid in class who asked the teacher if he could go to the bathroom.

The teacher straight-up said, “Nope, hold it till recess. If you can’t, just go in your pants.”

The kid? He took that challenge personally.

Next thing we knew, he actually went in his pants.

Then some of shit fell out onto the floor, and he smeared it around with his shoe like he was painting a masterpiece.

The kid sitting next to him saw it, gagged, and puked right there on the spot.

The teacher noticed the chaos, walked over to check it out, got one whiff, and BOLTED out of the room. The rest of the class followed, some throwing up, others crying.

By the end of the day, the classroom was a minefield of poop and vomit.

Then the kid’s parents showed up. His dad had a BRICK in hand and cornered the teacher in the office. He said, “You like holding it, huh? Fine. Let’s see YOU hold it. You’re not coming out until you crap in this office!”

2. DIY Surgeon

I had a coworker once with ingrown toenails on both big toes. They were curled up so bad it hurt him to walk.

One night, he grabbed a pair of scissors, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and went to work on himself in the dorm. Just sat there and CUT THEM OFF. Blood everywhere.

I came back from my night shift, opened the door, and thought he’d offed himself with how much blood was on the floor, and genuinely thought we’d walked into a murder scene. Turns out it was just his version of “self-care.”

3. The Chicken Slayer

There was this kid in high school—super quiet, clean-cut, looked like he belonged in a library.

One weekend, his mom asked him to kill a chicken for dinner while his dad was out. He was terrified of knives, couldn’t bring himself to do it.

So, what did he do? He grabbed the chicken by the neck and twisted its head off…twisted its head off …Just like that.

When he told the class about it on Monday, he was so calm you’d think he was talking about doing homework. Meanwhile, the rest of us were traumatized for life.

4. Petty Revenge King

When I was a kid, I found my dad’s secret stash of money and immediately ratted him out to my mom. She took all 1,000 dollars, gave me an ice cream as a reward, and left my dad fuming.

But he didn’t say a word.

Instead, over the next three months, he saved every penny he could. Then, right before summer vacation, he enrolled me in three tutoring classes, two extracurricular activities, and bought me a stack of practice books.

From that day on, whenever my mom found money lying around, I’d insist it was mine and this money had no business with my dad. Dad and I had an unspoken truce.

5. The Uber Battle

Once, I was driving Uber, and this lady got in and immediately lit a cigarette. I rolled down the windows.

She snapped, “It’s freezing! Close the windows!”

I didn’t argue—I just rolled them up and let out a massive fart.

She wasn’t backing down either, lighting cigarette after cigarette. So I matched her, fart for fart. It was a silent war, and I think we both lost.

6. “Mini Washing Machine” Revelation

One time, I told my husband we should buy a mini washing machine just for washing underwear.

My mother-in-law overheard and said, “What a waste of money! You don’t know how to live properly!”

Before I could explain, she looked me dead in the eye and said, “From now on, remember: my son’s nickname is Mini Washing Machine.”

7. The Retired Soldier

When I was a kid, I used to watch my dad play soccer. One of his buddies was a retired special forces soldier. He looked like a regular guy, always laughing and drinking at parties. Nothing special, I thought.

Then, during a game, he twisted his ankle so badly that his ankle got twisted—his foot turned 180 degrees, with the heel facing forward and the toes pointing backward.

Everyone freaked out.

He just sat down, took off his shirt, bit into it, grabbed his foot, and yanked it back into place like it was no big deal.

Then he hopped over to the sidelines and casually asked me to grab him five ice packs. I stood there frozen, while someone else ran to get them.

That backward-flipped foot became a childhood trauma for me.

It was only then I truly believed he was a retired special forces soldier.

8. Military Pain Tolerance

I enlisted in the military and got stationed at the border.

It was my first time experiencing a northern winter. During training, my fingernails were soaked in a mix of melted snow and mud. Afterward, there was no way to clean up or shower.

Within a week, all ten fingernails split open, with the nail beds half-detached. I wrapped them in gauze and kept training, wearing gloves the whole time. Every time I came back, the gauze was soaked red, and the pain was brutal.

After enduring it for over a week, I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed a nail clipper and started cutting off the broken nails, slicing right into the meat where they had split. Blood poured out, and the pain had me sweating buckets.

When I was done, my whole body was shaking, and my mind was a blank from the sheer agony. But I powered through and cut all ten nails off.

Then I disinfected them with iodine, wrapped them up in gauze again, and went right back to training like nothing happened.

Looking back now, I have to admit—damn, I was hardcore. Even I’m impressed with myself.

9. The Dad Lockdown

My dad’s a tough guy. The day I got my college acceptance letter, the whole family was overjoyed.

He was so happy, he popped a cigarette into his mouth, ready to light it up. But then my mom said, “College is expensive. You’re not great at making money, so at least you better get good at saving it.”

My dad froze for a second, the smile wiped right off his face. He lit the cigarette anyway, took a look at the pack in his hand, and then—

That afternoon, he smoked every single cigarette in that pack, one after the other.

Since that day, he hasn’t touched a cigarette. Not even when people offered him one. It’s been twenty years now.

That’s what I call being hardcore with yourself.

Of course, my dad’s got his ways of being tough on me too.

The summer of my junior year in college, I went through a breakup. It hit me hard. I locked myself in my room, just lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. Didn’t want to think, didn’t want to do anything, didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to eat.

My mom tried to talk to me, but I ignored her. Then she started cooking all my favorite dishes, trying to coax me into eating just a little.

One morning, she made another one of my favorites, and I snapped. “I said I’m not eating! Stop bothering me!”

My dad calmly took the bowl from her hands, scarfed it down in seconds, handed her the empty bowl, and walked out the door.

When he came back, he had a deadbolt and a padlock in his hands.

He grabbed his toolbox, and after some serious clanking and hammering, he installed the lock on the outside of my bedroom door.

He gave me one hard look, shut the door, and I heard the unmistakable click of it locking.

At the time, I didn’t think much of it.

After a while, I got thirsty. Tried the door—it wouldn’t budge. I called for my mom.

She said, “I can’t open it. Your dad locked it and hid the key.”

Fine, I thought, I’ll just die of thirst then. Good for me. Back to bed I went.

Hours passed. My stomach started growling. I called out again, “Mom, I’m hungry!”

This time, it was my dad who answered: “Stay hungry.”

By nightfall, I was so weak from hunger and thirst I could barely move. I decided to climb out the window. Nope—didn’t work. Turns out, my dad had nailed the window shut from the outside.

I yelled, “If you don’t open this door, I’ll break the window!”

He calmly replied, “Go ahead. Try me.”

Fuming, I threw myself back onto the bed.

By the middle of the night, I was desperate. Weak, dizzy, barely able to speak, I whispered through the door, “If you don’t let me eat, I’m gonna die.”

My dad asked, “Really hungry now?”

“Yeah. Really hungry.”

“Still gonna skip meals to make a point?”

“No. Never again.”

Click. The door unlocked.

I swear, I’ve never been so relieved in my life.

My mom stood there, tears in her eyes, holding a steaming bowl of noodles.

I grabbed it and inhaled it. Slurped up every noodle, drank every drop of broth.

Since that day, no matter how bad things get, I never skip a meal. I know all too well what real hunger feels like.

10. The Aunt Who Does It All

My cousin from the countryside—let’s call her my badass second sister—was pregnant and watching TV one day when her water broke.

The family freaked out and ran off to find a car to take her to the county hospital.

About ten minutes later, the car finally showed up.

By the time they came back inside, she’d already delivered the baby.

There she was, sitting there casually, holding the newborn wrapped in a towel.

She’d snipped the umbilical cord herself with a pair of scissors and neatly bagged up the placenta in a plastic bag.

Oh, and the kicker? She’d mopped the floor clean too.

Absolutely legendary.