The Sociophobic Teenager's Super Book Bag.

"Report to the teacher! Zhang Xiaoming's schoolbag is eating exercise books!"

When my deskmate Li Lei raised his hand to complain for the 18th time, I desperately slapped the red button on the side of my schoolbag. This "social terror survival tool", which I had spent three months transforming, reached out its mechanical claw and crumpled my math paper into a paper ball, and the screen flashed wildly: "Detect human approach, activate self-defense mode!"

It all started on the first day of school.

As a veteran social phobe, I used my pocket money to convert my schoolbag into a mobile fortress: an anti-pick-up acoustic transmitter that could automatically detour people from five meters away; AI speech translators can convert "Hello teacher" into Morse code vibrations; The most proud is the overhead nano projector, which can generate eight big words in mid-air: "Humans do not approach, it will trigger asthma."

Until English class on Monday.

When Miss Jin asked me to read the text by name, I felt for the hidden compartment of my bag with a shiver. Three seconds later, the classroom suddenly began to blare with a blare of words - a voice transmitter in a bag playing Animal World: "In the vast Sahara Desert, shy meerkats evade predators by playing dead..."

As the class laughed, my bag suddenly squirted emergency mints, and Fatty Wang's wig in the back row was stuck to the ceiling fan by candy wraparound. Mr. Jin pushed the smart glasses, and the lenses began to scan my bag: "Mr. Zhang Xiaoming, why is your pencil case playing the Great Compassion Mantra?"

"This is... This is the new stress relief pencil case!" I desperately held down the book bag that was trying to automatically dial the mental aid hotline. "It can also turn wrong questions into bad jokes!"

As if to verify my words, the pencil case suddenly put out: "Why can't parallel lines meet? Because they have more social phobia than you!"

The real disaster happened at Wednesday's basketball game.

When the sports commissioner forced the replacement vest on me, the body temperature sensor in the bag misjudged that I had been kidnapped. Two safety belts swish me into the audience, and the nano-projection blasts fireworks into the air: "SOS! This person's social energy is exhausted!" What's more frightening is that the anti-wolf alarm was triggered, and the whole playground echoed with the mechanical voice of the child: "Help! Someone forced the social terror to participate in the collective activity -"

The day I was invited into the principal's office, the bag activated ultimate defense. It stretched out its eight mechanical legs and led me to the roof, only to snag the principal's dentures into the drain as it climbed the wall. When we were stuck outside the air conditioning machine, the bag suddenly crashed and the black screen - yesterday stole the school WiFi update system, and the result was the virus set by Wang Fatty.

"Can I help you?"

I looked down and saw the crowd on the fire mattress. Li Lei held up his physics textbook and shouted, "Cut off its alpha motor circuit!" The study committee member who never spoke at ordinary times took out an electric welding torch: "Electric shock therapy is the most effective for Middle II disease!"

When the bag came down in smoke, I accidentally fell into the center of the inflatable cushion. It turned out that the principal was also the president of the robot club when he was young, and he straightening his dentures said: "My inventions at school were even more exaggerated - once I changed the cleaning robot into an automatic love letter mode, and the result was 520 pornographic poems sent to the girls in the school."

I still go to school with a schoolbag, but all the dangerous parts have been removed. The mechanical claw that will eat homework has become an environmental hand that automatically picks up garbage, and the AI voice tells the school cat "Zhuangzi" during lunch break every day. As for the anti-pickup sonic? After being transformed into a sports meeting cheering horn, Wang Fatty shouted hoarse with it: "Zhang Xiaoming's bag says - Class three is the most handsome!"