The New Math

Section 3-1

Suppose there was an ordered pair, Sine and Cosine, who found that each 1's set of elements functioned well. Their relation, however, seemed to be finite.

[TRANSLATED: Sine and Cosine were normal kids of the opposite sex. But it would never last.]

Sine, desperate, chose to have their common relation become an increasing function by extrapolating his expression in regions bounded by privacy and horizontal conveniences.

[TRANSLATED: Sine was very horny and pushed Cosine hard when they found themselves in a private bedroom.]

It seems profitable, at this point in our discussion, to--via addition--introduce Sine's set of parents. They were in the Venn diagram circle of income making up the smallest closed set, and they were quite able to make an addendum to Sine's progression by adding a vehicle by which Sine could easily choose an arbitrary point to make a tangent with the beautiful figure--Cosine.

[TRANSLATED: Sine's parents were in the highest income bracket, able to buy Sine a car so that he could hook up with Cosine.]

As seems intuitively obvious, once the decreasing velocity of the automobile had been terminated and a horizontal plane had been formed, Sine's extrapolation began. As the cycle of the function commenced, the limit of Sine's expression reached its maximum point, and the function became graphic.

[TRANSLATED: This doesn't require translation.]

Soon, Cosine approached the realm of real numbness.

[TRANSLATION: Neither does this.]

If and only if Sine had first checked the plot of Cosine's cycle, he could have avoided the error in his calculation; conversely, it follows immediately that it followed immediately.

The log of Sine.

[TRANSLATED: If Sine were familiar with Cosine's monthly cycle, he could have avoided making a big mistake, resuling in Sine getting pregnant.]

Despite Cosine's negativity and introduction of inverse elements of diversion, the function's progressive plot approached infinity. Ergo, by substitution, sex organs are commutative. For Cosine, Fibonacci thinking created a golden triangle that circled her apex.

[TRANSLATED: Despite Cosine not being happy about her pregnancy, and despite her trying to distract herself, their sexual function resulted in great expansion.]

All students should note that at this interval the function became continuous, with Sine and Cosine increasing the slope in population by adding one and only one. This tended to be an integral problem, as the span of intervals between times Sine would approach Cosine became longer and longer (as Cosine's volume increased without bound, i.e., 1 + 1 = 3).

[TRANSLATED: The pregnancy continued, destined to add a new person to the population. Unfortunately, Sine started to visit Cosine less often.]

We correctly assume that Sine, by definition of plane fear, left the entire graph for Cosine to navigate. The disassociation of his points in the function rendered him a zero-sum.

[TRANSLATED: Sine, irresponsibly, left the entire problem of Cosine's pregnancy to her. He was nowhere to be seen. Nada.]

Cosine's integral problem created a new little function, Secant, whose intersection with his father was less than or equal to the null set. Cosine wondered if and only if Secant were to meet a member of the opposite set would she avoid the seduction of imaginary numbers to avoid the inverse, simultaneous emotions involved in making the mistake of multiplying too quickly.

[TRANSLATED: Cosine's pregnancy spawned their offspring, "Secant," who never knew his father. Cosine wondered if when Secant came of age and met someone of the opposite sex, could he avoid empty promises, bullshit, and make-believe romantic myths offered as lies, thereby getting knocked up by a jerk who would ditch her.]

POSTULATE OF HORIZONTAL EXPRESSION: It is easier to add than to subtract.

[TRANSLATED: Once it's done, it's hard to undo.]

After this analysis, it is left to the student as an exercise to plot extrapolation to a point at which one might correctly postulate its safe expression.

[TRANSLATED: Don't be asshole. And...use protection.]