The Man of Steal — And the Masked Men

Scene: Mar-a-Lago private bathroom. Trump, in a too-tight Superman costume, red cape fluttering slightly from a nearby fan. His trademark red tie draped over the costume. He admires himself in the gold-framed mirror.

Trump (poses grandly, puffing out chest):“Look at this. The greatest superhero. Nobody’s ever seen a Superman like me.”

Mirror Trump (smirking, dry): “Oh, absolutely. The Man of Steal. Very on-brand.”

Trump (grins): “Super-TRUMP! That’s what they call me now. The rallies, HUGE rallies.”

Mirror Trump (tilts head, shifts tone — steering): “Speaking of your super plans… saw your ICE agents on TV. Full black masks. No names. Very… heroic.”

Trump (nods eagerly): “Yeah! Very strong look. Scares the illegals. We’re bringing back LAW and ORDER.”

Mirror Trump (eyebrow shoots up): “Since when do the good guys wear masks to hide their faces? Historically… it’s the bad guys who wear masks.”

Trump (waves hand): “Not true. Lots of great heroes wear masks. Very traditional.”

Mirror Trump (eye roll, heavy sigh): “Name one.”

Trump (grinning): “Superman!”

Mirror Trump (blinks. Slow, exaggerated head shake.): “Does. Not. Wear. A mask.”

Trump: “Okay, okay — Captain America!”

Mirror Trump (leans on mirror frame, mock patience): “Half-helmet. No mask. Full face exposed.”

Trump (frowning): “Wonder Woman!”

Mirror Trump (sighs audibly, pinches bridge of nose):

“No mask. No hood. Not even sunglasses.”

(Muttering to himself)

“You’d think her, at least, he’d remember.”

Trump (scrambles): “Iron Man!”

Mirror Trump (snaps fingers, sharp):“Helmet. Comes off anytime he’s actually being heroic. About every five minutes usually.”

Trump: “Thor!”

Mirror Trump (arms folded, dry laugh):“No mask. Ever. Gorgeous hair, actually.”

Trump (hands on hips, stubborn): “Don’t start with your gay comments again. You. Are. Straight. (Eyes light up) Batman! Batman wears a mask! There! See?”

Mirror Trump (eyeroll so large it’s almost theatrical): “Me thinks thou doth protest too much. Also, Batman is a vigilante, operating outside the law, often hunted by the police. Perfect roll model for your ICE agents don’t you think?”

Trump (pauses, thinks hard): “People like it. They say it looks strong. Very strong.”

Mirror Trump (slow head tilt, dripping sarcasm): “Strong… or fascist-chic? Because masked agents with no ID looks a hell of a lot more like secret police.”

Trump (grumbling): “Fake news. You don’t understand optics.”

Mirror Trump (smirks, exasperated): “The man in the mirror doesn’t understand optics? That’s rich. I understand optics just fine. You’re in a Superman suit — with a tie — defending masked goons. Optics? Crystal clear.”

Trump (awkwardly adjusts his too-long tie): “The base loves it.”

Mirror Trump (leans in, eyes narrowing):

“Oh, they love it, alright. Don’t get me started on what that makes them. And anyway, history doesn’t love the guys in masks.”

(Beat. Door creaks open. Enter White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, floor-length all-white dress, pulling an oversized white hood off her head, hair tousled. Muttering to herself.)

Karoline Leavitt (grumbling): “Damn hoods are stuffy and ruin my hair.”

(looks up, sees Trump in costume)

“Oh. OH. Do you mind if I use the mirror for a moment, sir?” (Hesitatingly) “Er…nice costume?”

Trump (eyes her up and down, grins lecherously): “Yes. It is isn’t it? Of course, honey. Mirror’s all yours. You know — back in my day, we liked our ICE girls white and easy to frisk. You’d fit right in.”

(In the mirror, Reflection of Karoline appears. Blank expression. Eyes empty. Silently, deliberately begins hiking up the dress.)

Trump (chuckles approvingly, oblivious):“Now that’s the spirit. Real American values!”

Mirror Trump (eyes shoot skyward — massive, theatrical eye roll. He mutters under his breath, dripping disgust):

“Jesus Christ… Just another day in the American Reich.“

CUT TO BLACK