The Art of Weight Gain

Dearly Beloved,

I have gathered you all around at our obligatory family reunion for a simple reason:

I am fat.

I have gotten fat. You all notice. I want to get this over with. In order to help you understand why we’re having this meeting I ask you to direct your eyes to the projector screen. This Holiday Inn was gracious enough to lend it to me, and I think that it’s vital we all follow along.

You will see some FAQ’s.

FAQ:

1) Why are you calling a meeting to tell us this?

Because you’re all talking about it anyway.

2) Not all of us-

Yes you are. It’s okay – we’re a judgmental family.

3) It’s not always about you, Kait.

Correct. But this, right now, is.

4) Well fine if you insist. Why have you gotten so…fluffy?

Because I like snacks. And because I’m happy.

5) Wouldn’t you be happier if you were thin?

No, but you would be. And that’s not really my priority.

6) What makes you feel happy looking so…fluffy?

For the love of good stop saying fluffy. Fat is not a slur.

7) Fat feels so dirty to say.

As fat person, I assure you, it isn’t.

8) God, well, okay. Why are you so okay being fat?

Ass: fat. Titties: Sitting pretty. I have no complaints.

9) But what about your health-

No one here is worried about the fact that Cameron does coke, so let’s not think that this is a concern for my health.

10) Are you planning to lose the weight?

Maybe! Maybe not! Jace still wants to fuck me so I’m not seeing a huge motivation.

11) That is SO inappropriate!

[shrug emoji]

12) Did you just say shrug emoji?

Yes

13) You just used to look so much like your mother.

Yeah well, she starved herself to death so not a great position to take there.

Thank you for enjoying the FAQ portion of the event! I see that few of you have actually indulged in any of the food in front of you. Most of you I can see, even from this stage, are chewing 30 times and taking sips of water between bites.

I would like to tell you all: It is okay to eat. That is something I am just learning because, frankly, no one in this family ever taught that to me. In fact, no one in this society ever taught me that. I have spent the last 32 years of my life measuring my bites and earning my food, and feeling convinced that the only worthwhile way to be was thin.

But, the thing is, I just wanted to be happy. And if that means being a “normal” weight, so be it. What is upsetting you all more than you care to admit isn’t the fact that I’m fatter than I was. If anything, I’d say you find that to be pleasing as it makes you feel better, because now there is one more person bigger than you. But what infuriates you, what really makes you give me those glares, is that I don’t mind that I’m fat.

All of you want, expect even, that I should be hiding this bigger body. That my tops are too cropped, my shorts are too shorts, and my belly is way to big for both of them certainly. Or, at least, you think so. Because you want those of us with bodies that aren’t so beautiful to not feel confident.

If I felt confident at this size, you’d have to ask yourself why you can’t feel confident at your size. Then you’d have to examine whether or not your size is actually the thing keeping you from confidence. Then you’d have to unlearn all the things you have learned to hate about yourself. If you unlearned all the things you hate about yourself, you’d need to find something new to do with all the time you’ll save by not fixating on your food and your exercise.

And, honestly, that sounds like a lot of work for you and sometimes it’s easier to just sit in your self-hatred than to do the work to unlearn that.

Trust me, I get it. I do. Do you know what I had to do once I learned that hating myself seemed like it took a lot of energy? I had to fill. My. Time. I have SO much more time now! I had to get hobbies. HOBBIES!

I had to start finding things I love that enrich me and make me a better person! I had to find things that actually made life feel worthwhile and maybe like I would want to live!

Ironically, you know what one of those was? Making food! Talk about a complete 180.

Anyway. I am going to give up the podium and the mic so we can engage in our yearly uncomfortable karaoke competition.

If you would like to learn more about the joys of being fat, try eating a food you like! Try doing it without thinking, “I have to walk this off later.” Try just kind of, like, existing in your body.

The universe is so big, and your body is so small. Try to give it some things that it will actually enjoy.