Swagger McDagger

Swagger McDagger has so much swag that you can't comprehend how much swagger he has. Let me break it down for you guys who have little brains. First off, let's start with his shades. People think to themselves: "Why does Swagger McDagger wear shades? Is he trying to hide his identity or what? And why is he wearing all black?" Well, let me tell you something: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION SWAGGER MCDAGGER AND ALL OF HIS SWAGNESS! WHO ARE YOU WITH NO SWAGGER QUESTION THE LIKES OF SWAGGER MCDAGGER!?

Anyways, along with his shades comes his swag hoodie. To a mere mortal man like yourself, you might think that Swagger McDagger's hoodie is just a regular black hoodie you see other homies wear walking down the street, but let me tell you something. Swagger's hoodie is more than a hoodie, it's his most important device. A device he can use to blend in the dark and hides like a vicious viper scouting it's next victim, then when the victim comes close, BANG! Swagger McDagger does what Swagger McDagger does best and takes out his two daggers from his sleeves and begins to stab his victim violently. Then, like a swag god, Swagger McDagger begins to take the victim's belongings and runs away never to be seen again.

Making sure he doesn't get caught by the cops, Swagger McDagger begins to run as fast as his swaggyness can carry him making sure that no cops or anybody for that matter finds him. It has been a good night for Swagger McDagger; he robbed 18 people today. He almost broke his record of robbing 20 in one night. Swagger McDagger continues to run through different alleyways and streets. He is almost to his destination. His destination is in sight; a sewer in the middle of the road. Swagger McDagger immediately begins take out the sewer lid and jumps in. It's a very deep sewage system as Swagger McDagger is continuously falling and falling through a series of tubes. Finally, the journey ends when Swagger McDagger gets out of the tube and jumps out into a pile a trash.

The stench of the trash pile is definitely not swagger as Swagger McDagger immediately jumps out of the trash pile. "Phew wee! That stinks man! Why did you think it's a good idea to put the trash next the the tubes you idiot!" Swagger McDagger says, holding his nose. Even though it's very hard to see his face because he's wearing a mask and his shades, Swagger McDagger's friend Shanker McDanker can tell he's staring him down with a disgusting look. "Hey, well maybe if you didn't eat so much sh%t, then maybe we wouldn't have trash in the first place!" Shanker McDanker has his ass stuck to his favorite recliner being the lazy bum he is. Shanker McDanker is holding a cigarette on his right hand while dangling a knife with his other hand. Swagger McDagger just sighs and shakes his head.

Swagger McDagger doesn't know what to think about his friend Shanker McDanker. Swagger McDagger only met him a couple months ago at a thrift store's parking lot. He was a homeless guy the first time Swagger McDagger met him and he had a shopping cart full plastic bags that were filled with God knows what. Anyways, the whole point Swagger McDagger is friends with him in the first place is because he saw how good Shanker McDanker fought off with the employees of the thrift store. There was about 10 employees on his ass and Shanker McDanker shanked them all in the split of a second. His stabbing was almost as fast as how Swagger McDagger stabs, but obliviously Swagger McDagger is faster because he is the fastest stabber there is. Anyways, after seeing how fast he can stab, Swagger McDagger decided to recruit Shanker McDanker to his team. Even though Shanker McDanker doesn't have the greatest swag in the world, in fact what he is wearing isn't swagger at all. Just some rugged down jeans, a messy gray t-shirt, and a dirty brown jacket. What is swagger about him is the fact that he can fight good and honestly that's the only thing Swagger McDagger is looking for in his recruits.

While Shanker McDanker is continuing to lay on his ass on his recliner smoking, Swagger McDagger decides to walk towards the big wooden table that's supposed to be their money table, but apparently that also has turned into garbage. Swagger McDagger looks at the table before dumping his stolen money on it and he sees that the table only has one penny on it...wait a minute...only one penny!? "Only one penny!? What's the big deal hear?" Swagger McDagger turns around to give a dirty look to Shanker McDanker again. Shanker McDanker just shrugs. "Hey, money is tough to come by."

"Tough to come by? Man, there's plenty of people out in the streets. You're just too lazy that you don't want to go out and you sit your lazy ass on the recliner all night." Shanker McDanker finally gets his ass off of his recliner after Swagger McDagger told him this. Swagger McDagger thought Shanker McDanker was going to fight him when he saw him pull out his knife. Swagger McDagger was about to pull out his dagger from his sleeve, but then Shanker McDanker just walks away. "Psh, I'm too tired for this. I'm going to the liquor store to steal some booze."

Swagger McDagger begins to calm down, when he sees Shanker McDanker walk away. Swagger McDagger puts his knife on the table and rolls up his sleeve to put his dagger-holding mechanism that was on his wrist on the table too. While he takes off his dagger-holding device, he looks at the dagger tattoo on his wrist. Swagger McDagger just stares at his wrist tattoo remembering all the good moments he had until he got this tattoo. "Hey, that's an interesting tattoo? Never seen one like that before? What's the whole meaning about it?" Swagger McDagger immediately jumps when he hears Shanker McDanker behind him. He turns around to see Shanker McDanker staring at his dagger tattoo rubbing his beard like he's interested. Swagger McDagger just looks back at his tattoo. "It's the symbol of my tribe, The Sicarii. There's a tradition in my tribe that requires every person to get a tattoo to help them distinguish the ones who have swag and the ones who don't have swag."

"Oh, so that explains why you're so obsessed with swag so much. Well, I gonna be honest. You're tribe is pretty weird." Swagger McDagger gets a little irritated when Shanker McDanker says this about his tribe's swag lore. What does this homeless man think he is judging the swagger of his swag tribe? "Yeah, well you're just lucky that your fighting is swagger. Otherwise, I would've killed you for making that comment."

Shanker McDanker put his hands up high like he's innocent. "Woah, listen. You can say all you want about you're swag cult, just don't force me to join it. The only reason why I'm with you in the first place is because we had a deal that you are going to split the money of the people we robbed and I'm going to help you destroy the Nation of Order."

"Only if you do your part to help, but it seems like you're not." Shanker McDanker gets provoked and points his finger at Swagger McDagger. "Hey, I'm doing my part! I'm not sitting on my ass all day, you know. I'm actually trying to get homies to join our team."

"Oh, really. Have you found any homies that are swag enough?"

"Oh, don't worry. I found the most 'swagger' homies I can find." Shanker McDanker says in a sarcastic tone. Shanker McDanker then looks up at the tube that Swagger McDagger came out of. "In fact, I expect one of those homies to be here any time soon after you just got here." Shanker McDanker begins to scratch his head. "Where the hell is that guy anyways?"

Suddenly, Swagger McDagger hears a bunch of clanking mcdanking going on near by. It sounds like someone is in the tubes and the sound is getting closer and closer..."Woooooooooooooooooooh!" All of a sudden, a homie just came out of the tube and shot out of it like a bullet. Swagger McDagger and Shanker McDanker both get into a defensive stance. They look at the random homie who just shot his way throw their crib. The random homie just starts rolling around on the floor making weird noises. "Wooh wooh wooh!" Swagger McDagger and Shanker McDanker just stare at each other wondering what the homie is doing rolling around. Finally, the random homie just stops rolling and jumps at Swagger McDagger. Swagger McDagger doesn't expect him and the homie just starts tickling him. "Hey! Hah hah! What are you doing? Hahahah!" Swagger McDagger continues to laugh as this random homie who just came to their crib out of nowhere and starts tickling him. Swagger McDagger is getting tired of this homie tickling him, it's not swagger anymore, so Swagger McDagger tries to push this homie away, but the homie doesn't want to get off of him. Swagger McDagger then decides to pull out his other dagger from his sleeve and tries to stab this random tickling homie, but the homie finally gets off of him and dodges Swagger McDagger's dagger. The tickling homie is quick Swagger McDagger gives him that, but him coming uninvited to their crib is not swagger at all. So Swagger McDagger decides to charge at this random tickling homie to test his swag, but then Shanker McDanker starts to intervenne and he blocks Swagger McDagger's way.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Swagger McDagger yells at Shanker McDanker for blocking his swagness. Shanker McDanker just grabs Swagger McDagger's hand that has the dagger. "Jeez, why do you try to stab everything you see? This is one of those 'swagger' homies I asked to come to our crib." Swagger McDagger frowns. "Psh, that homie isn't swagger enough."

"Oh, really. I beg to differ. Did you see how fast he dodged your dagger." Shanker McDanker points to the random tickling homie behind him. Swagger McDagger just stares at the random tickling homie. Now that Swagger McDagger can see him fully, he can see that the random tickling homie is very slim and tall. He's got some long fingers too, the longest fingers Swagger McDagger has seen from a homie. The tickling homie is just smiling and waving at Swagger McDagger. "Hi, wow you really are a feisty one are ya?" The tickling homie says.

Swagger McDagger ignores the tickling homie and looks back at Shanker McDanker who finally let go of his hand. "Psh, he's too friendly for my taste, but he's sure quick I'll give him that. Fine, he's worthy to join us." Swagger McDagger looks back at the tickling homie. "Just make sure you don't tickle me again, that wasn't swagger at all." The tickling homie just flashes his long fingers at Swagger McDagger. "No promises. Heh heh hehe." The tickling homie starts laugh like a maniac. Oh, great what has Swagger McDagger's life come to that he has to rely on half-swagged homies to help him on this quest to defeat the Nation of Order. If only there was fully-swagged homies he can rely on, like his tribe The Sicarii, but all of the people in his tribe are all gone. Swagger McDagger didn't know what happened to them after he came back to his swag village, but Swagger McDagger can only conclude the worst: that the Nation of Order killed them off. That's why Swagger McDagger will have his revenge and if that means relying on half-swagged homies then so be it. At least the swaggyness of his tribe is still inside him and he can use it to defeat these so called "Nation of Order".