HOW ON EARTH??

HOW ON EARTH?

You did what??

????

My dad always said that I was the only he ever knew that could trip over a hair pin (or bobby pin, whichever you call it). He was right.

My mom enrolled me in ballet class when I was four. She really wasn’t concerned if I learned how to dance; she wanted me to learn how to slow down and be more careful. Didn’t work. After two months, the dance instructor refunded mom’s money and politely asked her not to bring me back. I got too distracted, moved too quickly, and kept bumping into my dance classmates.

I’m still the same way. I move too quickly and don’t pay enough attention to what I’m doing or where I’m going. My brain keeps telling me that there is still too many things that need to be done. After all, there are only so many hours in a day!

My husband laughs when he sees the new bruises on my left leg. “How on earth? Huh, the desk didn’t move fast enough for you, did it?” I’ll stand with full intention of leaving my little home office and SMACK! CRASH! My left leg collides into the corner of my desk! OUCH! That hurt! Again!

My friend, Ellen, who moved out of state, lived across the street from me. El and I were and still are very close. That night as I walked down her front steps, a light in another house across the street distracted me. Yep, you guess it! I forgot about the bottom step and wham! Down I went! Flat on my face, and I do mean, SPLAT! FACE PLANT! I broke my nose. As Ellen wrapped her arms around me to offer comfort, she said, “You’ve been in my home how many times? How on earth did you mange to fall?” Yes, Ellen was upset.

In my whacky and weird existence on this earth, so far, I’ve broken (and not necessarily in this order), my nose, my arm, and three toes (the same toe twice).

You’d think those injuries would make me slow down? Oh hell no!

For the past fourteen years, I’ve been doing aerobic dancing. It’s fun and the dancing is a great way to exercise. So far (and I’m crossing my fingers), I have not yet fallen on my butt. Yes, I’ve turned too quickly and hit the wall, but I remained upright!

Last year, my friend told me about Zumba Gold. Maybe you could say, “Zumba with a twist!” The program isn’t like other Zumba classes I’ve seen. This is a bit milder form of exercise with much vigorous dance moves. It’s designed specifically for the older generation, like me! And yes, it’s is fun!

No, I haven’t fallen yet but I have stepped on my own toes – a number of times! Most of our “moves” require arm movement. I’ve lost count of how many times I punched myself in either my jaw or my nose! Thankfully, not forceful enough to leave a mark but hard enough for me to mumble, “Ouch!” That’s when my friend turns around and asked, “Again? How on earth?” And she giggles.

Our Zumba instructor looks at her and she just smiles as if nothing happened.

Yes, I’ve bumped into a few of my Zumba mates but by now, they know me and accept my klutziness. I have no problem if they laugh. I laugh! At least, as I said before, I still remained upright.

In a way, I would love to tell you that I’ve slowed down quite a bit, but that would be lie. Yes, I have slowed a bit but not quite a bit. The word “quite” got lost somewhere.

This morning, I got out of bed early so I could take a shower before work. My husbad looked at me when I put my robe on. “You’ve only been in there about seven minutes. How can you even wash your hair in that short amount of time?”

“Easy,” I said. “I wash my hair, rinse it, conditioner it then wash. Once I’m clean, I rinse my hair and my body at the same time. All done! Any longer than that, unless I’ve gotten really grungy that requires more washing, is a waste of time.”

He shakes his head in wonder.

One weekend, I had developed a severe ache in my back. My daughter-in-law suggested a hot bubble bath. I was in the tub for no more than five minutes. I sat there, drumming my fingers on the rim of the tub, wondering what needed to be done once my so-called relaxing bath was finished. I decided it was fiished then! I rinsed off, pulled the plug to drain the water, climbed out of the tub and toweled off.

Sitting still just isn’t something I can do successfully.

Tomorrow is Zumba again. Let’s hope I don’t whack myself in the nose again!