Don Shady

Parody of Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady”

Performance Notes Included

[Opening Beat / Spoken Intro — slow, mock-serious tone]

NARRATOR (deadpan, like a news anchor):

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the Real Don Shady please stand up?

…Actually — never mind. Please sit your orange ass down.

We’re gonna have a problem here.

(beat drops — full parody begins)

[Verse 1 – Energetic flow, keep rhythm tight]

PERFORMER (mocking but with Eminem-style bounce):

Y’all act like you never seen a conman before

Jaw on the floor like, “Wait — is he president more?”

Started wars on truth, now he’s golfing some more

Tweetin’ rage at 3AM like it’s civil decor

He’s orange, bloated, bloomin’ with lies

Sniffin’ Adderall like it’s apple pie

Brags about walls he can’t afford to buy

And says, “I’m the victim” while democracy dies

Built a cult outta red hats and fear

Sold steaks, fake schools, and Vladimir’s cheer

Tells coal miners they’ll rise again—

Then sells their pensions for golf and gin

He’s the MAGA Messiah, tanned like a Cheeto

With hands so small they vanish on keto

“Stable genius”? Please, that’s placebo

He’s the dude yellin’ “Fraud!” while riggin’ the bingo

[Chorus – Background vocal doubles or group chant effect]

CHORUS VOCALS (repeat with swagger):

’Cause I’m Don Shady, yes I’m the real Shady

All you other Don Shadys are just limp babies

So won’t the Real Don Shady please sit down, please sit down, please sit down?

’Cause I’m Don Shady, yes I’m the real Shady

Truth is just a game and my lies come daily

So won’t the Real Don Shady please sit down, please sit down, please sit down?

[Verse 2 – Get more animated, bring sarcasm up a notch]

PERFORMER:

Little Donnie’s back with a big new scam

Pitchin’ NFTs and some diet ham

Still claims he won when he lost the damn

And stares in the mirror like, “I am who I am”

Inject bleach, cure hate, build walls in your brain

Bans books, burns facts, but claims he’s sane

Grifted the rubes with a phony crusade

While funneling donors to legal charades

He’s a tantrum in a tie, a lawsuit in flesh

Bankrupted casinos and democracy next

Speaks like he’s reading off a Denny’s menu

And half the country still says, “We’ll defend you!”

Fox runs clips like gospel verses

While he mangles the Bible and threatens nurses

Hides behind lawyers, crimes in purses

Claims, “I don’t recall,” when the truth emerges

[Chorus – same as above, may want call-and-response or vocal layering]

CHORUS VOCALS

[Bridge Add-On – Slow slightly, emphasize final line. Sound pissed.]

PERFORMER (biting tone, pause before punchline):

And if you’re one of those folks still rockin’ that red hat too,

Still cryin’ “Stop the steal!” like that lie was true…

Here’s a message from the sane to your alt-right crew:

Trump lost. So fuck him and fuck you too.

(short beat drop or scratch before final verse)

[Verse 3 – Speed back up, ride the rhythm to climax]

PERFORMER:

He’s suing the wind for mocking his hair

Claims he never lied — except everywhere

Thinks nuking a storm is solid strategy

Still calls the press a travesty

He’s the king of chaos, the fraud in chief

Burnin’ the rulebook like a common thief

Golf cart dictator, MAGA bard

Flunked every quiz but still gets a card

So if you feel sick and tired of the clown

Screamin’ “Election fraud!” in a Burger King crown

If fascism wrapped in a bloated disguise

Makes you wanna crawl out of American lies—

Then stand up, speak out, raise hell and more

’Cause silence lets this circus encore

The Real Don Shady’s just a symptom, see—

Of a nation drunk on reality TV

[Final Chorus – add claps or crowd sounds, make it rowdy]

CHORUS VOCALS (last line slow, mocking):

’Cause I’m Don Shady, yes I’m the real Shady

And I’ll keep lying ‘til the facts betray me

So won’t the Real Don Shady please sit down, please sit down, please sit down?

Yeah, we’re all done, Shady.

Please. Sit. Down.

[Outro – fade to crowd booing, gavel bang, or news headline snippets]

Optional Voiceover (newscaster tone):

“This just in — the Real Don Shady has been indicted… again.”