D'invisible Dwarf

It was simple. I’d be go to the Brimbooze tavern on St. Patrick's day and get a brew…

“I’m afraid you’re not allowed. No, redheads allowed.” the lithe, cat-like owner purred. His intention clearly rang, happy to spread some suffering.

The rumors were true, the owner of the new tavern, Brimbooze, Purral—was red-headist.

I left, crossing the street. Looking up, I saw a freckle of light; there was a star outside. Just barely sunset, and a glimmer of something sparkled on the distant horizon. Could’ve been a aircraft, but I made the wish.

Man… I wish a dwarf could help me get some of that new mead—Brimbooze mead.

Suddenly, a burst of cerulean light appeared on the sidewalk. My sight blinded.

“Ye’ drinkin' alone tonight, lad?” a small, stout man appeared. He wore a white shirt marked by dirt, brown trousers, and two russet boots.

Thank the star.

“Not, unless you’d deny my company.” I replied.

“Well, let’s get goin’. Me’ name is Frizwick Starbeard by the name’s ground.” Starbeard began crossing the street.

“We can’t drink there. I’m not allowed. And I'm Leo.” I stopped Frizwick.

“R’rreally? Now, why is that? Did ye get piss drunk and pee in the owner's shoes? I’ve done that one.”

It was simple, “Owners a red-headist. Anti-redhead.”

The gruffness from his voice came next, “No, red hair in a tavern? That’s absurd, half the Starbeard clan is red because Daddy lied about what he did in the mines.”

Frizwick had black hair.

The Starbeard paused and lingered with thought. “Hmmm….” he pondered.

“It’ll be easier, if we get a leprechaun involved wi’ dis one. ”

My question rose, “Why would a leprechaun make this easier?”

“Aye, invisibility, we gonna rob de’ owner blind, right from under their whiskers. Ye’ mentioned they had whiskers, right?” Starbeard seemed oddly attuned with my plight.

“No, I didn’t say that, but that doesn’t make it any less true.” I gave up the truth.

“Aye, a cat fellow then. Bastard.” Starbeard concluded.

“Alrrright then, let's get clappin’ and dancin’. Ye gotta do it a certain way. Like this.”

The dwarf raised his right leg and clapped his two hands underneath, directly below the knee. After the clap, he switched legs, performing the clap underneath the opposite leg.

A random troublemaker from across the street yelled, “HEY! Look at the drunk midget!”

Starbeard halted his performance and yelled back red faced, “I’M A DWARF AND I AIN’T DRUNK YET, BASTARD! WANNA TRY DANCIN’, DO YA? I’ll ROB YOUR SOUL, LAD!”

The troublemaker just tskd and went inside the Brimbooze.

“Oh’ will need this too. ” Frizwick reached into his pocket and produced a gold coin swirled with silver. He dropped the coin. Strangely, it radiated rainbow light as he began starting the dance again.

More clapping and dancing continued. “Wh’at ye worried for, Leo? Don’t make me face the leprechaun alone. ”

I sighed, reconsidered my wish, but joined Starbeard’s clapping and dancing.

Frizwick’s deep voice began billowing out an incantation, “Four-leaf daisies makin me crazy!”

“Come on Leo, you gotta chant ‘er too!”

“Four-leaf daisies makin me crazy!”

“Rainbows makin me nasty! I bite for y’er gggold!”

“Rainbows makin me nasty! I bite for y’er gggold!”

The wind suddenly howled and a dark chill filled my bones.

“Hello,” said a man shorter than Starbeard, picking up the swirly silver-gold coin. Its rainbow aura faded into the leprechaun’s pocket.

Starbeard seemed to already know the stranger. “ ‘Ello, Murphy AleClover. We need… hmmm….how do I put this gently—the gloxberry drink. ”

“Yes, yes, the potion from puppy tears and baby burps. ” Murphy replied.

My stomach twisted.

“Invisibility comes at cost, Starbeard, be prepared. ” Murphy warned him and then eyeballed me.

“Has this one ever seen a goober?” He gestured to me. “ And do you think his constitution can hold the gloxberry drink? If yeh pukes, the invisibility goes away laddy. ” Murphy wondered and raised an eyebrow.

“A goober?” I asked.

“Aye, just don’t look it in the eyes.” Starbeard warned.

“They are horrific creatures that look like elongated humans, except they have a mouth filled with canine teeth and long black and grey hair. Their arms are usually five feet and when they move they prefer to crawl on the ceiling. They love watching. ” Murphy’s description ended with big eyes filled with warning, as if invisibility wouldn't be worth the trip.

Starbeard’s voice was now solemn, “True, they can only be seen if you're invisible, it's a freaky price I must say.”

“And their tongues go on for feet instead of inches!” Murphy shivered at the thought’s expense.

“Regardless, we steal the mead. Gloxberry, please.” Starbeard reached out his hand.

Murphy provided the strange glass container filled with purple liquid.

“We’ll need a froom as well. ” Starbeard kept his hand held out to receive more from Murphy.

“One pocket portal, capable of teleportation. ” Murphy took off his shoe and sock, handing the—strangely—massive sock to Frizwick.

“Eeeh, ‘ight now. Thank you AleClover. ” Starbeard recoiled but accepted the froom.

“Just save me some of this thefted mead, ” Murphy licked his lips and vanished—minus a froom.

“Kay, Leo you take the first drink. ” Starbeard handed me the gloxberry potion while he tucked away Murphy’s froom—teleportation sock.

I popped the cork off the bottle and took a swig. The drink's sourness surged my cheekbones, twisting my face. I forced the gulp down and thrusted the gloxberry back to Frizwick.

Starbeard took a swig as well.

We both became absent. Nowhere to be seen.

“Ale’right let’s bee’ headin in’ ”

… Tha' night...we shtole all of Purral’s mead. Every—ev'ry single barrel got teleported right into m'apartment through tha'...the wormhole activated by tha' froooom. Jus' rubbin' the barrel with tha' thing made it—poof—*burp*