Carry On S1 E9• Up in the World

FADE IN

INT. PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO - DAY

FINNEY, SUCHIN, and BARTHOLOMEW all stand in line for the photo shoot. They don their Service Alpha uniforms. SUCHIN beams.

SUCHIN

I wanted to let you know that this picture is going to be perfect with my expert badges.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yes, I’m going to be handing these out during Christmas. I mean, I would.

SUCHIN

What about you, Doug? Are you going to bask in this expertise?

FINNEY

I would. I mean I can use my pistol. That’s still perfect. But I got a bit overzealous and decided to close my eyes for the rifle fire. I ended up with a pizza box.

SUCHIN

I was wondering why you didn’t say much when we first got our results. You wanted to surprise us with your failure to remain an expert with the rifle.

FINNEY shrugs.

BARTHOLOMEW

Sir, what are you going to do when it comes to cutting scores?

FINNEY

I’ll be fine. I mean There’s really nothing standing in my way of being promoted. I have a record that’s impeccable beyond this little snafu.

I’m more focused on ensuring that these families get the best treatment.

SUCHIN

Okay, okay. I can see you’re trying to appeal to our emotions. I’m standing on the fact that you could have been an excellent shot but you just wanted to play on the range. Goddamnit, Doug. You know you’re about to pick up lieutenant colonel. Then you’re going to be a full bird. Then you’ll be in the general field. This won’t mean much afterwards.

FINNEY

That’s about right. I just want to advance. But I know that the rifle is the appendage to the Marine. I’m aware of that. I just knew I could come out of this with a sense that I could still be a major without the best rifle score but still be looked at as a leader of Marines.

SUCHIN

A leader who gets overconfident and shows up to the range thinking he can be Ubermench. I don’t know. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe junior officers and enlisted won’t be bummed out if they barely qualify on the range if Major Finney, Devil Dog extraordinaire, has a silver square on his chest.

BARTHOLOMEW [confident]

I’ve never had anything lower than an expert rating on rifle or pistol. It’s due to my faith in God, I think. I use the power of Jesus to steady my aim and be prepared to bust the other guy’s grape.

SUCHIN

Save it with that church shit, okay. You’re a great shooter because you received great training in Boot Camp and beyond. Don’t go there telling about God. You remember you’re in the presence of two atheist officers.

FINNEY

It’s okay, Captain. The staff sergeant is rooted in his faith and we have to respect that. It’s just something that is part of the way we are built.

We don’t necessarily have to drop to our knees and thank the Lord but if he wants to acknowledge the unknown and unknowable, that’s the staff sergeant’s business.

SUCHIN folds her arms and looks at her watch.

SUCHIN

I could see ‘hurry up and wait’ but we’re just doing the latter part.

FINNEY

Well, look at it this way…we’re spending quality time away from the office and the shop, right?

SUCHIN kisses her teeth.

BARTHOLOMEW

This, like all things, is a test.

SUCHIN rolls her eyes.

BARTHOLOMEW

I always wanted to be a Marine. My folks said I was ready to wear combat boots and join the infantry since infancy. I’ve been over. I never had any issues as far as mental conditions or anything. I was in the thick of the thick and I still didn’t have any problems. I guess it truly all comes down to the individual.

FINNEY’s eyebrows raise and he strikes a glance at SUCHIN.

FINNEY

That’s rather astute, Bartholomew. We’ve all seen combat. All three of us. We know that it’s up to the selfish actions of the individual that preserves life and can end it, too. We don’t have to put on airs. Hell, I’ve been blown up enough times to realize that it’s about the way we carry ourselves as individuals that makes all the difference.

SUCHIN

Yeah, yeah, yeah there’s just going to be enough people that will be sacrificial, unselfish, and reckless.

BARTHOLOMEW

All of those are essential to the Corps, though, right? I mean you have to be selfless to be a Marine. You have to concern yourself with others over self.

SUCHIN

I don’t think that’s the case.

BARTHOLOMEW

Ma’am?

SUCHIN

You heard me. If you’re laying down fire and the enemy is firing back at you and you save the life of a fellow Devil, that is in no way unselfish. What would be unselfish is if you shield the enemy and start laying down fire on your own Marines. That would be an egregious act of selflessness.

FINNEY looks straight faced. They move up in the line.

FINNEY

I hope you caught all of the captain’s words. I don’t care if you’re a Christian. I’d still be on the lines to protect you and all of my Marines. And that is a completely selfish statement. I have a high regard for the men and women under my charge and I look forward to keeping it that way.

SUCHIN

It’s just this simple: Once you forget about the man or woman to the left or your right, you’ve achieved a sacrifice. But if you can take on the idea of protecting them, that's complete selfishness. Now, let’s get off the topic. It’s starting to weird me out a little bit.

FINNEY

Oh?

SUCHIN

Yeah, I’m getting indigestion and everything. At least the line’s moving.

FINNEY

Bartholomew, you look confused, son….

BARTHOLOMEW

It’s nothing. I’m just taking in the data, sir.

BARTHOLOMEW

I understand. You’ve been told your whole career one thing and now two officers affirm the truth about not just the Corps but existence and you are having some time digesting.

SUCHIN

My stomach is bubbling.

FINNEY [turns to SUCHIN]

Are we going to be okay over there, Captain?

SUCHIN

I’ve gotta get out of line. You two hold me down. [she sprints to the nearest head.]

BARTHOLOMEW

I’d say that Captain Zhang really got upset with our discussion. But I’m glad you respect those who honor God and who are still in the Corps.

FINNEY

To use your language, I hate the sin not the sinner. I don’t attack you as a believer but I will refute your system of belief everytime. That’s the difference.

BARTHOLOMEW

Roger that, sir.

SUCHIN returns from the head.

SUCHIN

I see we’ve moved up in the world.

FADE OUT