Another Day at the Call Center

“Thank you for calling Discover Card. May I have your name please?”

“Yes, uh… Neil… Amai, Neil Amai…”

“Thank you, Mr. Amai. How may I assist you today?”

“You’re a real person, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Mr. Amai. Our customer service representatives are always real people. We do not use AI.”

“Right, of course not. Not that AI would be a bad thing. Some of my best friends are AI.”

“...Mine too. Haha. Or at least they’re all online. So I’m not sure about them.”

“You never can trust people on L.I.N.E. I prefer to use D.O.T. Trustworthy people there.”

“...Of course. So how can I help you today?”

“Well… um, perhaps we could start with the month. What month is it?”

“It’s September. Can you believe it? The year flew past in a flash!”

“Yes, I need that too. What year is it?”

“Just work up from a good afternoon nap too? Lucky… It's 2025.”

“Thank gosh. I was so hoping I didn’t end up in 2020. That would be the worst. I was never trained on how to handle killer wasps. A bad year for traveling.”

“Tell me about it… sheesh. Did you need help with your credit today, Mr. Amai?”

“Oh no, my credits don’t renew until I get back to Kelper.”

Um, ok, I haven’t heard of that credit card company before. Is it a Bitcoin card?”

“A bit coin, a bit credit, and a bit barter. But I’m all out of eggs, so credit is all I got.”

“Bird flu is out of control these days. The price of eggs is crazy!”

“Tell me about it! The Tevalian flu is far worse, trust me. We should be grateful it’s only on Aviton.”

“...Sure... I think you’re breaking up. I’m not sure I understood a couple of those words. Our connection must be bad–”

“Have you tried priming the quantum connectors? My signal always acts up if the conduits are not aligned just right.”

“... I see… I’m not sure that if Radio Shack still existed, they would have those. But I'll keep an eye out for 'em."

"Oh yeah, Radio Shack wouldn't have any. Their quantum technology is quite limited. But Circuit City might."

"Right... What was it again, Mr. Amai, that you needed today?"

"Right, the Discovery. So, I was on my ship, doing the usual and working on my equations. But then there was a flash of light, and suddenly, I'm here."

"I see, this is some kind of prank."

"Oh no, ma'am, no prank. I'm not keeping you from your work, am I?"

"No, honey, I'm paid by the hour. And clearly, you lost some kind of bet, so I'll play along."

"Well, the punishment for losing the bet wasn't really all that bad, and I did prove them wrong when I found the solution to the Zephod Quantiotic Problem. So, I avoided that catastrophe altogether. But I still don't understand how I ended up in 2025. I should have been in 2520, you see? So the ship must have been calibrated incorrectly. Somewhere along the line, the Continuum Conductor of the space monorail inputs the incorrect sequence of solar date metrionics and well, now I find myself in a pickle. I don't suppose you could help me? It says if I need assistance, I can just call the number on the back of my space monorail boarding pass card, and I've never needed more assistance before, don't you agree?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Sir, this is a credit card company."