Zombie

I dyed my hair red today, and as the color bled across my fingers, I thought of dyin or killin, of how to live. I thought of all the time and space between me and then, about how much drama, it takes sometimes to live.

I thought of blues and saturated tones and the smell of skin.

I thought of Jesus, the Nazis, and sun, of hate, of liaisons and the zodiac. I thought of starry nights and fresh air of being loved and feeling cute.

I cried.

I sang.

I heard a thousand thoughts pulling me through .

All of the moon and earth and gravitational pulls could not have held me,

I thought again of my new favorite movies, I thought of writers block and zombies.

These are the things I thought of, as the dye set.

Not a permanent gesture, the hair dye was semi, but I found myself addicted.

Addicted to the shock of it, the candy of color that dazzled my senses and lightened the dull depression that a lack of color and human light and warmth had embedded in my phyche.

A morale boost and a lovely unnatural shock of lovely that made me feel alive and attractive again. And yes, I am utterly addicted.

I must skip ahead and tell you that as I savored the red, my mind spun ahead, to other colors, purple and blue and cotton candy like the nurse in a promising young woman.

I love the fact that I skipped the burgandy, the Scarlett, and went red, bright fire engine candy red. And while I used to believe that dyed hair and unnatural colors looked cheap and unnatural, I now found that it looked brilliant and felt like love.

The end.

Brief Update. I have since tried blue, and purple with pink and magenta which I am currently waiting for the fade out . I am sure I could express an essay of thought for each but for now just a few sentiments.

Red was lovely, a complete morale boost. I felt sexy for the first time in months of drudgery.

The purple came from an attempt at blue, I wanted a comic book blue, you know, a blue so dark, you can only see it as blue in the sunlight.

But purple it was, with stands of light blue and pink, like frosted cotton candy. I felt like a beautiful candy colored unicorn. Absolute magic.

And magenta, a complete and deep fuscia. What a vibrant shock of color, and how timely to my depleted psyche.

And now of course as the powers that be have deemed my self expression to bright and spent the last month undermining, degrading, and capitalizing off of my creations of light, I have moved on.

I chose sapphire blue but had been dreaming of green. After the bleach, and dye, here we have it, a beautiful green.

Before I end this little poetic bit of a narrative,let me tell you, the reader a bit about myself. I am a writer, I love e photography and cinema and have voraciously read and studied the majority of my life, I love noir, and art and trends and style. I am often over or underdressed. I have little ability to conform to social norms ( perhaps it’s care) and even when I do, I find that to be even more unacceptable or outrageous to those around me, so I am learning to enjoy myself. So if you dear reader find some enjoyment or happiness or beauty from observing the artistic process of myself, feel free to offer support, encouragement, or financial. All is appreciated.