You don’t owe your parents anything, anything at all

Very heartfelt and reassuring.

This was powerful and so needed. Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt but struggled to express. Loving our parents shouldn’t come from guilt—it should come from freedom. Your honesty is a gift.

Wow

My mother had a very bad childhood and so when she had me, she lived vicariously through me and I genuinely hated that. I did what she wishes she could have done during her own childhood.

I think the attitudes of the parents are driven by their own sense of choosing to raise children over perhaps pursuing their own dreams. My Mom had 6 kids which left no time for her to pursue anything for her. She made our clothes, cooked meals every day and never complained. Bless my Mom.

Even my Indian culture expects kids to be obedient, how manipulative the parents might be.

Someone I used to date had guilt-trip parents. I honestly couldn't stand being around them with their whining. They even complained if they thought any gifts they received weren't valuable enough. Needless to say, their son couldn't stand them either. He was always jealous of the close relationship I had with my parents, who never once made me feel guilty to be their daughter.

I totally agree with what you've said here. They are the ones who chose to have us. My childhood (even adulthood) too was filled with manipulation and guilt tripping. But I'm learning to break out of it and heal. Congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

Good article with indescribable words that touches deep down

This is too relatable and very honest, we need to be more careful how we relay our trauma, our load and our emotional backwash to our kids

Good article, and very relatable. I'm adopted, so even more so than other kids, my parents chose to have me. They never said I should be grateful because I'm adopted, but they did make me feel like I was inconvenient. A source of bills and work. And because of that, "children should be seen and not heard" and "do as you're told." They were very much part of a culture embodied by other parents I knew, and schools, in which kids had no rights, no opinions. Any opinions we expressed were subject to mockery. That kind of stuff will either crush you, or embody you with an attitude of "I'll show you," sometimes to the level of overkill. These are not good feelings.

Nice story

This was an interesting read. There’s a lot to digest here. I will only speak on my personal experiences in regards to this topic. I was born at the tail end of 1959 so it was raised in a much different culture and environment versus the children of today are being raised in and even the children of 20 years ago. There wasn’t any guilt shaming done by my parents. But I was taught the value of everything that we are given or have gained in our lives. Understanding that value. Being educated to understand that value has helped to foster an appreciation and gratitude for what I have in my life. I understand unconditional love. This is something that I have known and learned about from a young age. My loved ones, which includes my parents, are people that I love unconditionally without guilt or without expectation. I will do anything for my people because I love them and care about their well-being.

I find this awfully familiar. Parents sometimes fall into this trap of feeling that their children owe them a living because of all they have done to support them. To a large extent, gratitude is necessary; on the other side of the coin, as you say, children don't have a choice, so it is their responsibility to raise them without pinning obligations of them.