With Love From Me to Me

Frome Me to Me

My Anti-Valentine Playlist

After a lifetime of failed relationships, at the ‘getting on a bit’ age of 60, I finally came to my senses – or a major realisation anyway. Yep, it took me a long time – I’m not usually such a slow learner – but the realisation was as simple as it was obvious. I didn’t actually NEED a man in my life in order to be happy in my life.

God knows, I started the quest early enough. I had my first ‘real’ boyfriend at the age of 14, who incidentally later became my 2nd husband. But that, as they say, is a whole different story!

Valentine’s Day for me, as a child and teenager, was always anticipated with a sliver of hope whilst also threatening to be a day of utter dejection and rejection. Not receiving a card, which was the most frequent outcome for me, saddened me as much as the receiving of a card gladdened me. Thus, the annual day of love-pledging was more often than not, a non-event for me.

If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell her to just go to her record player and play Cindi Lauper’s, “ Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”, forget about the opposite sex and buy herself a box of chocolates. Job done. Till next year...

Of course, this would only work for a day and so I would then have to just advise her (me) to prepare for a roller-coaster ride of a love life that would go on for decades. In my search for Mr Right I would hook up with more Mr Wrongs than my mother could ever possibly warn me against.

Amongst the worst of these would be a violent, arrogant man that would actually turn out to be the father of the only child I have. And much as this was a match made in hell, the birth of my son meant if I had to go through all of it again, I would.

If I were to come up with a collective noun for most of my previous male partners, it would be an ‘arrogance’ of men. What I first perceived as confidence and self-assurance, gradually morphed into narcissism and bullying.

And so, at this point, two marriages and two engagements later, I would then tell my younger self, to go and put a cassette into her walkman and play Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson. Yes, I know this song wasn’t even a twinkle in Kelly’s eye at that time but I think they call it ‘artistic licence’...

And so, after kissing (and getting engaged to) my final frog to find out he was just another arrogant, frog, I decided to call it a day. Singledom and celibacy were calling and I was answering that call.

I moved in with my mother a couple of years later and five years later, we are living together in more harmony than I’ve ever managed to replicate in a romantic relationship. Which brings me to my final anti-valentine song choice.

Roar! By Katy Perry. What a song for every woman who has ever been put down and who has got right back up again. If you don’t know all the words, look them up.

“You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder, gonna shake the ground

You held me down, but I got up

Get ready ‘cause I’ve had enough

I see it all, I see it now”

Well, Katy, I see it now alright. I’ve been seeing it for the past six years.

Singledom and celibacy work for me! And as an aside, I am writing this last line on, you’ve guessed it, Valentine’s Day...