Wine Stains

Lucy walked into the house and felt her way to the kitchen before turning on a light. She dropped her bag and poured herself a glass of cabernet. She thought about the Friday nights when she would come home to Jake and a glass of wine waiting for her. The house felt warmer when he was home. Then she thought about what she would wear for her first date with someone new.

She walked over to the thermostat and turned on the heat before she dragged her feet into the bedroom. She opened her closet door. The plastic covering her wedding dress rustled and caught her eye. “I guess I can’t wear that.” Her clothes were organized by occasion now that Jake’s clothes were gone. She pulled out a long-sleeved, black dress and placed it on the bed. She kicked off her work flats, unzipped her black pencil skirt, and unbuttoned her white collared shirt. “Perfect time to put on sweats, but you decided a blind date would be better.” She wiggled into the black dress and it hugged her curves. The plunging backline was a frame for the birds flying across her skin.

She dug for her black strappy heels and placed them on her feet. She finished her outfit with diamond teardrop earrings Jake bought her on their fifth anniversary. She stared at herself in the mirror, her dark curls in a messy ponytail, her hazel eyes permanently fighting tears. “I should just cancel.”

She grabbed a clutch and called an uber. She finished her wine as it arrived and released a heavy sigh before entering the car.

“How’s your night?” The driver asked as she settled into the back.

“It’s fine. Thank you.” Unwilling to waste what little conversation she could muster for the date.

They arrived at the restaurant. A steakhouse. She thought about the time she and Jake first tried to go vegan and feasted at a steakhouse as their last meal. “Do we really need a 32ounce prime rib?” She asked.

“We have to make it count!” Jake encouraged.

They only lasted a month with no meat the first time.

Lucy walked into the restaurant. She peered through the glow of the dimmed lights and candles and saw her date sitting with two glasses of wine. She walked over, “Ethan?

He stood to greet her. “Lucy, hi.”

“Hi. I recognized you from the photo Dana sent.”

“Yeah, she sent me one too. Of you though. Obviously. You look beautiful.”

She grinned and slid into her chair, “Thanks.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but I ordered Merlot. I know Dana drinks it, so I hope it was a safe choice.”

“It’s her favorite.”

“I thought we could cheers to her for bringing us together.”

She raised her glass, “In Dana’s Honor.”

Ethan was nothing like Jake. Clean cut, glasses, wanted to talk about art and he enjoys wine. She could hear Jake’s voice, “This guy Lucy?” Jake tolerated all those things, but he didn’t like people who felt superior for liking them. Jake was 6’4, with solid muscles covered in tattoos. The one on Lucy’s back was his idea. He had dark eyes and dark hair which he only did when he found it necessary. His suits were for work and special occasions. Most people didn’t believe he was a lawyer when they met him. He and Dana hated each other, maybe this was her chance to introduce Lucy to someone she likes.

“Do you want something different?” Ethan asked.

She looked up at him, then down at the glass swirling in her hand. “No, sorry, this is great.”

“So, do you have any awful dating stories?”

“I would have to think back to my twenties.”

“That long?”

She squinted her eyes, “Yeah. I figured Dana told you I was a widow.”

“No sorry, she sent me a photo and I jumped at the chance.”

She chuckled. “You know nothing about me. That’s refreshing and terrifying.”

“Why terrifying?”

“Because you have no idea what to expect.”

“That’s the exciting part.”

“Terrifying part.” Lucy insisted.

“What do you know about me?” Ethan asked.

“You’re a good guy who is divorced and works in finance.”

“Not too much more to it than that.”

“I originally said no. She pumped out info until I agreed.”

“Don’t feel obligated because we’re both friends with Dana.”

“It’s not like that. It’s just my first date since Jake died eighteen months ago. I haven’t been eager to join the land of the living, but I am glad I came, even if just to get out of the house.”

“I can be good for that.” He smiled and sipped his wine.

“Let’s hear one of your horror stories,” Lucy suggested.

“Okay. I had a date who drank one glass of wine then started dancing and stripping on the table. Still not sure if she was drinking beforehand or her tolerance was severely low.”

“That’s horrifying!” Lucy laughed.

“The restaurant called the cops. I paid the bill and slipped out.”

“Did she ever call?”

“No. I doubt she remembered I was there. I felt bad though.”

“Why?”

“I could have pulled her down and called a cab. But it was thirty minutes into our first date and I didn’t think it was my responsibility. She was going to jail anyway and I didn’t want to make a statement or get attached to the crime. Am I an asshole?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Thanks.”

“I hope my transition to dating is easier than that. I don’t even know what I want.”

“Would you remarry? I’m not proposing.” Ethan laughed.

“I don’t know. Divorce allows for some sort of closure. Even if it isn’t mutual, there is a finality to the relationship. There’s no closure when a spouse dies. Even worse because I don’t know if it was an accident or intentional. How do you move on from that? How do you love the one you lost and someone else at the same time?”

“What happened?”

“I was away with friends and he had too much to drink and too many of his pills. He chocked. On his vomit.” Lucy avoided Ethan’s gaze.

“Did you find him that way?

She nodded. “We don’t bother each other if one is away with friends. I never suspected anything was wrong. I walked in expecting a ‘welcome home’ embrace.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah.”

“I hate to pry, but why would it be intentional?”

“We were trying to have a baby only to find out I couldn’t carry and he couldn’t produce viable sperm. He didn’t take it very well.”

“It doesn’t mean it was intentional.”

“There’s also no proof it wasn’t.”

Ethan reached for Lucy’s hand, “I think you’ll have to make peace with the unknown to get closure.”

Lucy exhaled. “I didn’t mean for this conversation to get this heavy.”

“Let’s order,” Ethan suggested.

He made eye contact with the server and motioned that they were ready. “I will have the filet mignon, medium rare, creamed spinach, and another glass of merlot.”

“I will have the same but a glass of cabernet instead.”

“I knew you wanted something different.”

“I finished the merlot with no complaints, for Dana.”

“Fair enough.”

“I think it’s your turn to unleash your secrets.” Lucy joked.

“Fourth date info on the first date.”

“We’re in our late thirties, we don’t have to pretend we’re perfect anymore.

“What do you want to know?”

“What caused your divorce?”

“It was more than one thing. But her affair was our moment of clarity. I don’t blame her though, I thought about it too. We didn’t do the work and I didn’t want to be around her anymore. I found any hobby to keep me from going home. She wanted to have a baby to fix the relationship, but I refused. She stopped taking birth control, so we stopped having sex.”

“That’s awful. Who was the guy?”

“A coworker. They had a baby together a few years ago.”

“She got what she wanted.”

“I did too. Another chance. I ignored the signs, but there were stop signs from the beginning.”

“Love and sexual organs aren’t into logic.”

Ethan laughed, “Sexual organs.”

The server bought their dinner.

“How’s your steak?” Ethan asked.

“It’s my first one in a few months, so great.”

“Did you give up meat?”

“I went vegan a couple of times when we were trying to conceive and again when Jake died, just trying to have some kind of control. It doesn’t help.”

“I’ll eat both steaks if I need to.”

“No way, I’m eating this all.” She pulled the plate closer.

The server cleared the plates and offered the dessert menu.

“I couldn’t possibly, but another glass of wine sounds good,” Lucy stated.

“Two please,” Ethan confirmed and the server went off for the wine.

“I should go to the restroom.” The server returned and placed the wine on the table as Lucy stood up. The glass tipped over and red swallowed the white tablecloth. “I am so sorry,” Lucy exclaimed.

She slipped away to the bathroom and cried in the mirror. She could hear jake, “No use crying over spilled wine.” They just moved into their new house and she knocked a bottle of cabernet onto the white carpet. “I already ruined our house.” She cried. Jake covered the spill with a towel and kissed her. “We’ll get hardwood floors.”

Lucy returned to the table. “Are you okay?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah, just a little too much.”

“I know.”

She picked up her new glass of wine. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I paid the check in case you’re ready to leave.”

“Let me Venmo you.”

“No, not necessary.”

“You can’t pay for every date.”

“Oh, I don’t. But tonight, I want to.”

They finished their wine with little conversation. Lucy focused on the ground, avoiding stares from the server as they walked out to her Uber.

“I know you’re still working yourself out, but if you ever want to drink wine you don’t like, eat food outside of your diet and get too deep again, I would be up for it.”

“I’m not on the worst date list?”

“Not by a long shot.”

Ethan embraced Lucy. She climbed into the Uber and gave a final wave. When she got home, she poured a glass of cabernet, sat on the hardwood floor, and played the song she and Jake danced to at their wedding.

She thought about their first night in the house again.

“This is our home.” Jake squeezed her.

Lucy’s smile consumed her face. “Our home. I love that.”

“I love you.” Jake declared.

“How long will you love me?”

“Always, darling. If I ever have to take a breath without you in my world, I hope it’s my last.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

“Damnit Lucy, you better.”