Widows should be respected and not preyed upon

In the movie THE FIVE HEARTBEATS, the character Big Red (Hawthorne James) attends the funeral of Jimmy Potter ( Chuck Patterson) the man that he had murdered. If that were not bad enough after viewing the body he goes over to Jimmy's grieving widow Eleanor (Diane Carroll) and instead of offering condolences, he propositions her right there in the church. Eleanor is so outraged that she slaps him in the face. This is one of those movie moments that remain in the psyche of many who watched this film.

This art was imitating another great work RICHARD III by William Shakespeare. Hawthorne said he asked for the funeral scene to be inserted because in the play Richard kills the king then makes advances on his wife Lady Ann in front of the casket during the funeral. Hawthorne loved Shakespeare and how Richard won Lady Ann and ended up marrying her because of what was said in front of the coffin. The actor put himself in character regarding Eleanor and began thinking She’s mine. This is a perfect time for me to get her [Eleanor] back. At the funeral.’”

Richard ended up with Ann for his bride but Big red did not win the woman he desired and instead was hit in the face. There are men, who think like these fictional characters and believe they can score by approaching a woman right after her spouse has passed away. I have been surprised by the number of widows who have admitted that they had been propositioned by men soon after their husbands died. In some cases, it has been friends or neighbors.

Each woman who shared such a story in person, via telephone, or online, indicated that she (like Eleanor) was not flattered but appalled by the way some men behaved. People are going to be who they are and therefore not every man is going to respect a grieving widow. There seems to be an assumption by some males that because the husband is gone, the wife who had been used to intimacy is now in need of someone to immediately fill her spouse's place in her bed.

Some widows who were married for many decades say they don't want another man, period. They had a season of love with their spouse but now that he is gone that season is over. They do not wish to marry, date, or have male friends with benefits and choose to remain celibate. Many newly widowed women are shocked that anyone especially a friend or acquaintance would approach them so soon after the death of their spouse.

A few men who knew my husband had passed away made subtle advances towards me beginning 3 months after his death. It's true that once a husband dies the marriage is over and if a woman moves on the next day that is her prerogative but it should be her choice. Men should not make assumptions that every female whose husband dies is on the make. Some like myself were never on the market in the first place because their husband was their one and only for decades.

Men should not be looking for signals and trying to figure out whether or not they can score with a grieving widow. Lusting after a woman because she is widowed brings to mind the cartoon wolf with tongue hanging out and bulging eyes. These eager beavers should consider that if a woman does decide to move on after her husband's death what makes that man believe she would do so with him? The death of a beloved spouse is a shock to the entire body, soul, and spirit. There is a connection forged over time for most couples and you do not realize how strong it is until it is severed.

A number of couples, (but not all) who have remained together for many years have shared a lot, both good and bad, and the marriage and become stronger and they have grown closer, This goes beyond sex and is more about being joined as one and being friends and companions. Not everyone has this dynamic but many women have said they did and considered their husband a soulmate. They have also added that no other man could ever replace their spouse.

Television and movies often portray widows as " hot to trot" and chasing after other women's husbands. There have been stories on crime shows of new widows who have male neighbors coming to their homes to fix things and end up having affairs. These things do happen but every widow is not looking for another partner, especially right after her husband has passed away. Each situation is different and every woman has the right to date again or not without pressure.

When a man approaches a new widow in the manner that Big Red stepped to Eleanor he is saying that her life with her husband did not matter. This male is assuming that having been used to sex on a regular basis she must be horny as a dog in heat and just waiting for someone to provide relief. Grieving is a process and women who have not indicated that they desire to date again should be left alone.

Females who have recently experienced the death of their husbands should be respected and not preyed upon. What these ladies are missing is what they had with the man they were married to for so many years and a quickie will not replace that. Step to these women correctly or you might get slapped and shut down like Big Red. Grieving widows like everyone else who experiences the death of a loved one are hurting. They should not be taken advantage of based on false assumptions. A woman truly lamenting the loss of her soul mate is not interested in meaningless sex.