Why Is It Hard to Have a Relationship with a Narcissist?

I recently wrote an article about what a narcissist is. If you haven't had a chance to check it out, you can read it right here. 

Whether you have been dating for a few weeks, months, or even married, you may not realize that you are in a relationship with a narcissist. They are really good at hiding it in the beginning. In fact, they go above and beyond to make sure that you feel completely special and loved.

However, once his or her narcissistic tendencies start to come out, you may find yourself wondering whether or not you should continue the relationship. The truth is that it can be possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality traits, but you have to know what you are getting in to. 

Here are some things that make it difficult to have a relationship with someone who acts like a narcissist. 

Narcissists struggle to show their partners how vulnerable they are. When they were young, they may have been punished for showing their vulnerability or even crying. Many men grow up being told they shouldn't cry, so they struggle to hold their feelings inside! 

Instead, they learn to push their feelings down, meaning they project their feelings onto their partner. Instead of being vulnerable and hurt, they may push their partner away. You may feel like your partner is hiding things from you, and won't talk about anything important, because he or she doesn't want to open up. 

It can be difficult to have a disagreement with a narcissist because he or she will turn it around and make it all your fault. They don't handle criticism well, and will find a way to turn the blame on you. 

You may get tired of feeding the ego of a narcissist. Since a narcissist has low self-esteem, you are going to have to go out of your way to make sure that you acknowledge all of the good that he or she does. You will have to make sure that he or she constantly feels special and well-loved. 

In fact, the narcissist often tells everyone how he or she is the victim. They play the "poor me" if they aren't treated as well as they think that they should be.

Narcissists have unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships. They feel like they are perfect and will expect the same from their partners. This is easy enough to keep up at the beginning of the relationship. 

However, the more time that you spend with them, the more you will see his or her narcissistic qualities. Imperfections (both yours and theirs) will come up, and the narcissistic person may not be able to handle anything less than perfect.

Living up to this perfection can be hard for anyone. Narcissists expect their partners to be the best and won't take anything less. This means that their partner often feels like they are walking on eggshells. They don't want to do or say the wrong thing because the downfall is not worth it. Living in the fear of the next outbreak can be really hard on anyone. 

You can also get hurt in other ways. Narcissists don't like to feel down and will do whatever it takes to make sure that they are happy. This may mean having affairs or dealing with addiction. This can only make the relationship worse. 

Partners of narcissists often bow to the needs of the narcissist. They may doubt themselves and decide that they really don't know anything and are worthless.

Most people can't deal with a narcissist. After they realize that their fairy tale isn't quite what they thought, they may start to figure out that they need to show him or her with love and attention. Then, they need to aim for perfection. Nothing else will work. They also can't argue with a narcissist. They simply can't win. 

For most people, it can be very hard to live on eggshells. They need to do everything that they can to make sure that he or she is happy at all times, no matter what it does to you.

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Previously published on Medium and/or Newsbreak.