Why “He Goes to Therapy” Is the New “He’s 6’2”

Once upon a time, the ultimate green flag in dating was “He’s 6’2.”

Now? It’s “He goes to therapy.”

We’re living through a shift. Emotional intelligence isn’t just respected anymore—it’s required. According to Match.com, 75% of singles say that being able to talk about mental health is now seen as a green flag. That’s not just a trend. It’s a turning point.

Vulnerability used to be something people avoided, something hidden until it exploded or got in the way. Now, it’s desirable. And it makes sense. The way we date has changed—because the way we connect has changed. In a world that constantly pulls our attention in a million directions, emotional presence has become a rare and powerful trait.

“He goes to therapy” says a lot in just a few words. It signals that someone’s done the work. That they’re self-aware enough to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. That they don’t crumble when things get complicated. That they won’t turn silent or defensive when a real conversation begins.

What people really mean when they say they want a partner with emotional intelligence is this: someone who can stay calm when things get hard. Someone who can listen without interrupting, speak without manipulating, and take ownership without spiraling into shame. That’s not fluff. That’s skill. And it’s become one of the most attractive qualities in dating.

As someone who leads a luxury matchmaking firm, I see this shift every day. The couples who go the distance aren’t the ones who match on paper or have the perfect first date. They’re the ones who know how to have hard conversations without shutting down. The ones who understand that connection isn’t just about chemistry—it’s about emotional safety.

This shift isn’t just happening in dating. It’s showing up in leadership, too. The same traits that make someone a great partner—empathy, self-awareness, regulation, and communication—also make them a great leader. Emotional intelligence isn’t just helpful in business. It’s strategic.

Gone are the days when leaders were praised for being stoic and distant. The most effective people I know, in both love and work, are the ones who can read a room. Who can regulate themselves under pressure. Who can own a mistake and move forward without ego. They build trust, not tension. And that’s what people respond to—whether you’re running a company or raising a family.

What’s interesting is how hard these skills are to develop—and how easy they are to overlook if you’re focused on the superficial. It’s easy to spot good looks or a sharp résumé. It’s much harder to see emotional maturity. But once you’ve experienced it, you don’t want anything less.

That’s why “he goes to therapy” hits so different. It means someone is at least trying to understand themselves. It doesn’t mean they’re perfect. It means they care enough to grow. And growth-minded people are attractive—for the long haul.

There’s a term psychologists use called “earned security.” It refers to people who may not have started out emotionally secure but learned how to become that way through intentional work. In a lot of ways, that’s what therapy is. It’s not just healing—it’s building tools. Tools to love better. To lead better. To live better.

So, what’s the takeaway here?

In 2025 emotional intelligence is more than a green flag. It’s a filter. It’s how people are deciding who gets access to them. Not based on image or income—but based on whether someone can actually show up. Consistently. Respectfully. Openly.

That’s the flex now. It’s not height. It’s not charisma. It’s someone who can sit with hard emotions without shutting down or lashing out. So if someone tells you they go to therapy, pay attention. Not because it’s trendy. But because it’s one of the clearest signs that they’re not just dating to be impressive—they’re dating to be present.

And in the end, that’s what we’re all looking for. Not perfection. Not performance. But someone who’s emotionally equipped to build something real.