Why does having you read my writing make me feel naked?

To pass the time and racing thoughts I paint, I knit, I write. Those are my main outlets, followed closely by sewing, baking, and clay molding. A variety of outlets that open you to criticism, such as the quality and mastery of your craft. How straight your seams are or how neat your edges are. How lifelike your art is. To create is a bold and scandalous act. It takes guts to pour your soul into your work and to bring into existence the noise or “flow” that comes from your mind.

On top of opening up to the criticism of others, we also open up to the harshest critic of all. Ourselves! The person who knows where all the little mistakes are, where the smudges or knotted stitches are. Sometimes that noise is so heavy that we cannot even accept a compliment on our work. The lens of perfectionism fades all clarity on the piece. So to circle back, why does creativity feel so intimate?

I think it’s because you met the unfiltered reflection of yourself. Just like sex where you met all pleasing and unflattering parts of yourself you have the choice to accept it and have a good time or feaster in your harbored thought never to savor the fruits of putting yourself out there. Artist are always hesitant to call themselves that because who other than yourself validates that statement? To be an artist is to be bold. Just like no one else can invalidate what feels good to you no one can truly invalidate your perception of art.

That’s close and deeply personal; now as far as that naked feeling, I think it’s because we consciously or subconsciously fear rejection. Just like we would if we were to hear we’re sexually unpleasing to hear our food is bad, or our art is weird or poor opens us up to crushing and devastating feelings about how adequate we are. All this dually amplified by the fact that with a few clicks we can see world-class members of our outlet of choice. People who can afford handsome investments into their art or have been practicing till mastery for decades. We’re able to compare ourselves and face trials of adequacy before even starting.

How unfair is that that we put so much pressure on ourselves to compare rather than to create and to do so from a place of wanting to express yourself Instead of proving yourself. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable allows for space for you to grow and discover yourself the only way to really push past this is to you at a proficient level to satisfy your personal demands for your art. There’s power in the vulnerabilit. In allowing and opening ourselves up to critique we’re able to develop, redirect, and gain fresh perspective that can really help bring you back to reality.

With that knowledge in hand, I wanted to set a personal challenge for myself to write 600 words every day here on vocal and on Substack. Not sure for how long, maybe 30 days but I’m looking to exercise my writing. My goal with this is to become more comfortable both creating and sharing. I get to let you into my world and hopefully at the end of this grow significantly as a writer and content creator. The only rule is 600 words minimum every day so that there are no rigid rules to keep up with. then hopefully after some time I won’t feel so naked and exposed or perhaps would at least be okay with you looking at my art.

warmly and openly,

Maria