(It’s the night of Thanksgiving, right after a huge Thanksgiving dinner. The camera pans through a modest, dimly lit house. First, panning through the kitchen of the home, we find dirty dishes laying everywhere......on the counter...in the sink...etc. As the camera passes through the disarray of the kitchen, the camera passing right by an old man napping in the recliner, with the television on ‘static snow’. Then, we find the camera wondering upstairs, passing the kids toys, the camera continues to roam, finally arriving in the bedroom of married couple, Tim and Rita Manford. Both are in the bed. Rita’s sound asleep, as Tim looks somewhat puzzled, he is deep in thought. Then, Tim turns on his side, looks into the camera and that’s when it happens......the ‘wettest, longest and loudest’ sounding fart ever known to man. Rita wakes up out of her peaceful sleep......and looks none too happy at Tim.)
Rita:
“Are you freaking kidding me?”
Tim:
“Babe, I was just thinking...”
(As Rita tries to return back to her restful spot, she answers)
Rita:
“Great, you’ve been thinking. What did you come up with at 5:30 in the morning Einstein? Please tell me that you realize that the kids will be up soon”
(Tim picks up a Capri Sun that he has had next to the bed on the nightstand)
Tim:
“You ever notice that...?”
(As the pokes the straw of the Capri Sun into the pouch and takes a sip)
Tim:
“Everything about a Capri Sun is so much well put together and sexier than other sodas.”
Rita:
“That’s because it ‘s a ‘soft drink’ and not a soda, you idiot.....”
(Tim continues talking to himself, not paying real attention to Rita’s comment whatsoever )
Tim:
“ We don’t mind the kids drinking Capri Sun because there’s little chance of leakage around the house. The straw fits into the pouch like a hand in glove. This is so much different than a can of Pepsi and straw. With kids, can soda designs leave us open for disaster. Vulnerable to hidden spills in the carpet, plenty of stains...and not to mention, slip and falls. This in turn, leaves us open to infestation of bugs and critters lavishly enjoying the unexpected liquid treats. This hidden delicacy could go on for days without any acknowledgment. I tell you babe, thank God for Capri Sun. Even as I drink it, there’s no sound whatsoever. You can drink and drink and drink and there’s no gulping sound or air pockets whatsoever to be heard of?”
( Rita still not listening, positions for a coma-like sleep. This sleep is a much deeper sleep than that that she has been in during Tim’s soliloquy. She shuffles to get comfortable, turning her back to Tim )
Tim:
“There is only one flaw that I can see in Capri Sun, and it’s not quite as bad as a straw in a Coke can or anything, but it definitely is a flaw.”
(He takes his last sips at the end of the drink, making a huge sound as the pouch collapse)
Tim:
“See, there is it’s only flaw,babe. The loud sound that it makes when you finish drinking all the contents. I despise that sound. I mean that sound irritates me even when the kids do it. I don’t know why, but that sound makes my skin crawl just as bad as........”
(Just as Tim is finishing his sentence, the loudest, wettest sounding fart, ever known to man, interjects deafeningly!)
Rita:
“ Goddamn it, Tim! I am trying to get some sleep”
(Rita is so upset that she doesn’t even turn around to look at Tim. She keeps her back to him pissed!)
Tim:
“ Babe, I’m sorry.......I am sorry that I have to tell you this....... but, that was not me....... and it wasn’t me earlier....”
(Rita opens her eyes confusingly, still half asleep with her back to Tim. Tim lifts up the blankets in disgust and shakes his head.)
Tim:
“ And this time............I think you shit the bed?”
(The camera zooms at Rita’s face)
(Scene)
About the Creator
Tyronn Rahda Monroe
poet, violinist, musician, short story writer, furniture builder, artist, photographer.....etc....and recently trying to write screenplays. Covid has dictated that I must travel down exciting, new roads of prosperity to survive financially.
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‘Merlot’ From NC
As a simple and uncomplicated black man from the Outer Banks of North Carolina, my unexpected career opportunity in London, England was frightening. Yet, that being said, still a beautifully explorational process to explore. See, ever since I was a child, ‘knee-high’ to a grasshopper, I fixated with the idea of once in my lifetime visiting, ‘The Big Smoke’. I longed to hear ‘proper’ English spoken the way it was designed to be approached into the ear cavity. I dreamt of devouring ‘fish and chips’, in a newspaper, by the River Thames. Now, as a fairly young man, not only am I getting that chance to visit this ‘gem of a city’, I have also acquired the opportunity to work and reside here as well. And now that I am a little older than that ‘dreaming kid’, I may even partake in a hefty pint of beer, to accompany my ‘street food’ by the river? My arrival at Heathrow airport was hectic to say the least. Never in my life have I ever been to a city so grand and I must also be completely frank with you; never in my life have I even witnessed a subway system, and now I find myself hopelessly and clumsily trying to navigate this elaborate system alone, with a plethora of Samsonite bags. (Later, I would find out from someone that arriving at Heathrow airport was much less of a hectic struggle than the further away, Gatwick airport.) Nevertheless, I found my way to my small, yet, stylish ‘flat’ near Trafalgar Square, in central London. I was greeted by a ‘smartly’ dressed doorman. (And yes, as luck would have it, I lived but only a minute walk from my apartment to my beloved river below!). Greeted by the doorman, he says, “ It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Frankfort. Here are your keys to your new ‘flat’. Would you care for any help with your bags, sir ”? I answered him puzzled.... “ How did you know my name and who I was? “ He answered back in a deep British accent, “ Sir, this building is own by your company and 100% of the tenants in this building are occupied by your corporation’s counterparts. It is my job to know every face and name of each individual residing here and to make sure that each person is provided for adequately. And if there is anything you need, do not hesitate to ask.” I replied gratefully, “ Ok, I appreciate that, but I am just going to go upstairs and rest a bit....but, thank you.” As I was tirelessly inching toward the elevator, the doorman briskly walks up to me from behind and utters, “ By the way, sir, forgive me, but I forgot to give you this letter and a bottle of perfectly-aged merlot left for you. I replied, “ Kool, probably just a ‘welcome gift’ from the corporation or something, thanks? ” As I made my way into my apartment, I gazed out of my window at the perfect view of the River Thames. As I sat down and placed the bottle of wine on the counter, I glanced at the letter. It read, ‘ Welcome to London, ‘Merlot’. You not only have you followed your dream and claimed it, you have surpassed ever aspect of this said dream. This was a dream that most could not even fanthom coming from a tiny city on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Someone as beautifully, ‘dark and smooth’ as a merlot, should only sip on the best of such. After you freshen up, meet me downstairs at the bar with the bottle of wine, I will posses the wine glasses for us to drink and ‘catch up’. I will be anticipatingly waiting on your presence, ‘Merlot’❤️ ‘. Now, two things that you may not know about me, is that I don’t know a soul in this city and most importantly, the nickname given to me by my much older cousins, as that kid dreaming of a life in London, was affectionately known as, ‘Merlot’. ( This was because of the dark rich complexion of my skin. Only someone from my neighborhood would know of this nickname? ) So, I hurriedly showered, dressed and gotten on an elevator to the bottom floor. At the entrance of the door of the bar downstairs, wearing my favorite black suit, I grasped this great bottle of wine and the notion of whom this could be? Then, right there, at the end of the bar with two wine glasses, sat ‘Monica’, my very first ‘crush’ in middle school. She looked beautiful as ever and smiled seductively as she said, “Good evening, ‘Merlot’. I guess that you are wondering what I may be doing here in London? I know that it has been a considerable amount of time, since we communicated with each other last. But, when I ran across your name and picture on your resumé, I had to have your talent and friendship on my team. I have lived here in London for quite some time and to have someone that I care for from home, here on my team, would be an absolute blessing.” Still confused, yet pleasantly surprised by this meeting, I asked, “ Monica, wow.... I really missed you and where have you been all of these years? Wait... and how did you come across my resumé ? ” She smiled even bigger as she answered, “ Well, I am not the CEO of the company, but I have a little pull here. Two things, that bottle of Merlot that you are holding in your hand, is not only made by the company that you work for, but it is partly owned by me. Strangely enough, I too had desired dreams of far away lands. I am the ‘majority’ stockholder of the company, ‘Merlot’.” Winking at me she says, “ So, why don’t you have a seat next to me, find us a corkscrew and let’s drink, catch up and celebrate? ” I asked her jokingly, “ Is this finally going to be considered our ‘first date’ or is ‘fraternizing’ not allowed in the company? ” She replied as she grab my hand, “ I own the company, ‘Merlot’, so, we can call this whatever we like and I would love the idea of this being considered our first date. I missed you deeply ”. I just shook my head, realizing that the world is much smaller than we know.....and unfathomable dreams can actually become reality.....if you just believe in the ‘dark richness’ of it all.
By Tyronn Rahda Monroe5 years ago in Humans
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