What is Love

What really is love? Such a small word with such big meaning. But do we really know what it is? Is there really such a thing of unconditional love, or loving someone too much or not enough? Who is the person that determines if the love is true or not? Is it the church, your parents, social media, news, internet, or random strangers?

I bet if you ask people what love is, you get numerous meanings and answers. Some will enrage you and others might just surprise you and warm your heart. You see, some people get married because they think they are in love, and then it turns out they aren’t. And on top of that, despite not being in love, won’t end the marriage because of religious reasons, family or feelings of being trapped. Some people marry and think it’s love when their spouse is beating the shit out of them.

“He or she only beats me because they care, or it only happened a few times and they promise it won’t happen again”. Everyone knows they always do it again and again. There are people who cheat on their significant others and claim “oh, it’s just sex with them, I make love to you and that’s it”. Meanwhile, the one at home knows that them being with someone else hurts deeply. I have heard numerous women say all men cheat, and that as long as they don’t get anyone pregnant or bring anything home, their relationships are good. Other people think love is controlling their spouse’s every breath and move. Not letting the person be able to pick their own friends, not hanging out with their friends or family, monitoring their every move. That other person cannot even take a shit properly without the say so of their spouse. Then there are those famous words that some people say and mean, “if I can’t have you no one can.” The words when heard bring fear and not comfort, make a person lose sleep. Forcing them to stay at home with their parents or either in a relationship that is not wanted, because if they leave, they are afraid they will be put in harms way by the other person’s hands. Making a person feel trapped and helpless like there is no way out so they won’t lose them.

Is love from a parent really supporting you and sticking by you no matter the consequences? Or is it disowning a child and not speaking to them because of a disagreement? There are parents who lock their children away in an attempt to save them from all the bad in the world. In reality, they are hurting their children by keeping them from experiencing life and learning what they need in order to survive. Even though there is good in the world, there is evil in the world as well, some parents that think they run out of options on protecting their child thinking that killing them will help them. Or the parents that have nothing -no money, no food, barely the clothes on their back- and leave the child to disappear without a trace, leaving the child to wonder what they did wrong or why they were never good enough. Then, we have the parents that stay, but are nothing but hell abusing whether it’s sexual or physical or emotional. They think that not giving up a child is what love is, but little do they know the child would have been better without them.

Call me naïve, but I’ve always believed in unconditional love. The kind of love that neither spouse cheats nor physically hurts one another. The love that is full of honesty and trust. They can go on vacations with or without each other and not worry about who and what they are doing. The kind of love that I don’t have to monitor their every move because I know that they won’t deceive me, but love, honor, and protect me. And I would do the same in return. Where we cherish each other instead of living in fear of being hurt. If we feel either of those it’s because something bad happened to someone in the relationship. We can count on one another without even asking. The kind of love that we both put our all in the relationship and build something together. Not just our relationship, but building a home, family, career, and more. Now, I am not saying that love will be easy, because everyone knows it’s not. Yes, there are people who write books about how to love, but if you were paying attention to anything I have written so far you know it is useless. As time goes on, you and your partner are willing to work it out instead of calling it quits. That no matter what or how bad an argument or disagreement is, at the end of the day you two realize why you fell in love in the first place.

Being there for your child, nurturing them, making sure they are getting a proper education, food, medical, and just being an ear when they need it. Every child wants to fit in and be loved, and being a parent is accepting them with open arms no matter what. Well as long as they’re not a serial killer, or a danger to everyone around them. Will you make mistakes as a parent? Yes, everyone does, but that is to be expected as long as you’re not selling them or worse. There are many things that we know we are not supposed to do as a parent, the things that are forbidden to even think about. As long as you don’t go near that forbidden imaginary book filled with vile things that shouldn’t be done to your child you will be doing better than most. Also, listen to your child when they are speaking and not interrupt them or degrade them. Another thing stop lying to your child thinking they’re too dumb to remember or know better. This will only make them develop trust issues for them to work through their whole life. Stop thinking you know your child more than they know themselves. Worst of all, you will find that you were too busy thinking that you knew them, when in reality, you really don’t.

Now I am just one person. I know I am not a parent, nor a wife, but I am a daughter that was and is always misunderstood. I am a friend of many married and divorced couples that should have never been together in the first place. I am not saying I know everything, and I am not saying everyone has to think and believe everything I wrote is right. We all are different and have every right to our own opinion. This is nothing but observations and how I see some of the world. But the next time you say or hear the word love, I want you to think - and honestly think- what does love mean to you? How serious of a word is it? You don’t have to have an automatic answer and I don’t expect you to. It may take you awhile to come up with the answer and even then, you may not think it’s all the way true. But ask yourself what does love mean to you and you just might not only surprise yourself but someone else too.