What Is Going On In Every Relationship

I just witnessed the joining of two compatible people who are attracted to each other, they have similar backgrounds and sincere intentions. The man bought a dozen roses. The woman cleaned.

Right away, though, the relationship became a death match power struggle for control. The woman was vocal about what she disagreed with in her mate and expected him to change. The man withdrew approval and expressed anger; inspiring fear of abandonment as punishment for perceived errors on her part.

These are two nice people who have reliable jobs and are in all likelihood, not actually going to kill each other. But they are already in a dynamic; her of certainty that she is going to win, and he in the certainty that he's going to do whatever he wants and she's just not going to know about it.

The only solution I know of is one these nice folks are definitely not going to do - which is just to let go of everything completely, both do everything they want to do and while completely allowing and forgiving what the other person has done, respond in complete compassion towards themselves and the other person with whatever the next step is: commitment, a break up. A new job, a change of any kind.

What if we allowed completely? What if we allowed the person we love to be whatever they were at that moment, unconditionally if they were with us or not? At least then, we would find out who the other person really is and what they are actually like and not just a projection of our own hopes and dreams.

What most people do when they approach a relationship is an effort at control, control of the status quo. Not just in the relationship, but in their lives in general. Challenging people to generate a creative response for every single thing which they'd like to change is probably going to devolve into sexual infidelity just because most people aren't aware enough of the cultural context in which they live or aren't connected enough to make changes to everything.

That's excluding the very real possibility that They Are Actually Being Who They Want To Be Already. A dangerous possibility that someone is just so complacent and so comfortable that they're willing to just be a train car moving relative to wherever the rest of the train is going. And that's a perfectly legitimate way for them to be *if they so choose*. It's also perfect for the mate who wants to be the engine and motivator of the relationship without any interference.

So, what about the mate who wants to have a say in where the train is going? My friend, that kind of person is not on a train.

Until next time, gentle reader. Bless your path and your journey.