What is a soul mate?

Empathy, in plain English, is the ability to take another's place and feel empathy, which in psychology we call empathy. Let me take a simple example. For example, when you see a stranger accidentally fall down on the road and cut his hand in X, do you feel a little pain? Although it is not you who is bleeding X, you may not know this. I want to ask princess huanzhu, and you may have seen princess huanzhu inside that let mammy take needle crape myrtle, you imagine the picture, do you have his shivering in, feel a little pain, even unconsciously rub hands, this is empathy, this is between you and the stranger common to feel a kind of mood, so you can understand well.

Then come back to the feelings inside, a lot of husband and wife is living, the day has changed without emotional resonance, imperceptibly to the other side of the communication bridge to close, that how can become soul mate? Imagine that this man wants to share his deepest, most intimate things with you, and not only do you not understand it, but you kind of twist it and say, why are you saying this, what's the point of saying this, that's pushing the man away.

Now that we're done think about whether there's any empathy between you and your husband? There is no the No relationship, today to teach you how to improve empathy, first, we need to understand the feelings of others sincerely, expressing empathy, not to say that simple a few words I had said, sometimes need to learn to stand in the other person's point of view, more comprehensive action to guide each other, you can simply move your mouth, can't be sure.

I'm going to ask you a question that you can interact with, and this is something that we used to do in our counseling sessions. Think about it if you are a psychologist, and there is a strange person in your clinic, he thinks he is a flower, of course, this must be a psychological disorder, and do not eat or drink, how would you guide him? Ordinary people may be very boring, give him reason to say to him, get up, you are not what flower, and even directly drag him up, but psychological obstacles, do you think so useful? There won't be a big reaction. So what do we do as counselors?

The easiest thing to do is to just lecture him, not to reason with him, because he's in a situation where he's not going to listen, but to learn what we just talked about called empathy. For example, you can sit there with her, next to her, and then you stand up and walk. The patient might ask, you're a flower how can you move? Then we would say that flowers can move, and he knew one thing in his heart: flowers can move, and he would move with you. And then you start eating something else, he might as well spend how can he eat? Well, you can tell him, how can flowers bloom without eating? That other people feel right also began to eat, slowly this person became like a normal person.

At this moment, do you feel as if you did not cure the patient, but the patient also made you sick? In psychology, this kind of leadership and empathy will make the patient trust you very much at first, and will do things at the same pace with you. Second, lead him in this way, and gradually he will feel out. We're not going to talk about this psychological stuff, but we're going to talk about empathy.

Empathy is very simple. It's not about putting out our thoughts and feelings. It's about emptying ourselves and waiting for others to express their feelings to you.

Second, take the other person as you are. Let me give you an example. Most of us have traveled. As soon as you get on the tour guide atmosphere began to give you a guide, the car group activities, singing and so on, play games, and guide in the process, he is easy to do, think of yourself as the others, because he knew that actually come out to travel, lots of people are pressure is bigger, want to relax, happy, so he will go to adjust the atmosphere.

If you can sense this intention in a relationship, you can treat yourself as someone else, feel their feelings, and apply them to your feelings as well. When something happens, it's better to imagine yourself as him and ask yourself if I were him, what kind of emotion would I have? This is the perspective-taking we talked about above.

The third is the concrete and practical method that you can use right away, usually starting with the words "I want to know". Let me give you an example. If a man says something to you for no reason, there will be a lot of assumptions in your mind, right? Did I do something wrong? Who are you to judge me? And then either hate him, or self-guess, or even make some contradictions intensified, conflict behavior, so this is not the best choice. If we can think more, is there any other possibility, or directly ask my husband I want to know, I want to know why you said I am not good today? What do you think I should do? That's what "I wonder" brings in.

On the one hand, they can reflect on their own behavior and get angry when they see you inexplicably. On the other hand, they can also understand the real reason of things. "I want to know" is a very important word in the communication process of couples, you can try to use it.

In the end, when we can accurately understand and respond to each other's emotions, we can become each other's soul mates, and then we can have a stable relationship.