What Happens in Italy, Stays in Italy

What Happens in Italy, Stays in Italy?

Chapter 1 – Hotel Morning

The morning started out like any other, of course, the light was blinding me directly in the eyes from the corridor. ‘Seriously’, I thought to myself annoyed. Bringing myself out of bed, I traipsed toward the bathroom. Time to get ready for another fun filled day in Italy. Still, the way the hotel rooms door let in so much light! Being so early was causing me to slumber suicide. Sighing, I contemplated, ‘Five Thirty is way to early for a vacation wake-up call, I’m totally supposed to be relaxing.’ Angerly brushing my tongue.

Fumbling the toothbrush in one hand; Brush in the other, there is no use to argue the hotel was considerably cheap. Cannot get any better than this! Stumbling into my skinny jeans, which, are two sizes too small. Tripping, my backside hits the bedside. Luckily, I did not fall onto the floor again. Sheepishly grinning to myself. ‘That was close!’ I giggled reaching for my international rent-a-car keys. ‘Time to grab my purse and out the holy lighted doorway!’ Who knows, maybe the extraordinary shining light of doom is a blessing in disguise. It got me out of bed, bright and early to fully enjoy the vacation. Of course, that is looking at the bright side of the poor craftsmanship in this lousy run-down hotel; in my opinion should be considered more like a motel.

Passing by me in the hall, was this interesting couple with a dog. The creepy animal that looked like Freddy Krueger met Sally. ‘Why on earth would someone own a creature so detestable to the eyes?’ Shaking my head in disbelief. Luckily, I had gotten to press the door close button of the elevator to keep them out of my way. No room in this elevator for Freddy Krueger’s mutt. ‘Isn’t this hotel animal free?’ Wondering how they got away with that one.

Entering the Lobby, which, looks like it has gone through a bit of a spell. Cracked tiles, vinyl pealing from walls, and a grungy old lady. Rachel looks like she is about to beat you with a stick in an orphanage. Her stern looks could pierce your soul from a mile away and make you wonder if any unredeemable sin was committed! I turn to the right, escaping to the exit of this garish medieval meet’s Willy Wonka doorway. My eyes lit up as the dashing bellman, no older than 18 maybe 19 at most gave me the most heavenly smile. His bright white teeth glistened in the sunlight that peered through the clouds above.

“Good Morning, Ma’am.” Alexander said through his gorgeous wavy locks covering across his eyes.

“Well, it is good morning now!” I flirted with a grin. “Ill, be staying for the next week, call me, Beverly.”

Alexander decided to play along and flirted, “How about I call you Bev?”

“I wouldn’t mind that at all.” Biting my lip intriguingly. “Well, I’m off to the beach! Catch yah later!” Striding past the young man towards my vehicle.

‘Man, the men in Italy are utterly gorgeous!’ Peering over her was a man in his mid-thirties holding the daily newspaper. His green eyes, glistening, as if they were not from this world. ‘Maybe he is a vampire!’ She joked to herself. Starting the car on the opposite side, unlike America, is going to take some getting use to! Walking would have been easier, but then it would take two hours to get to the beach. Reaching behind me, I check to see if my bathing suit was inside my tote. ‘Great, can’t wait to finally put this baby on!’

It took about 15 minutes to navigate the roads to find the beach, until I rolled up to the most magnificent view of a crystal deep blue sea. You can see the oceans snow crashing in the distance all-across for miles. Put on my favorite lucky shades and its time to go change. All around me was fit and tanned bodies men and woman alike. Some women were tourist with blond hair and sunburned skin, while others were with thick dark wavy hair and deep olive skin.

I could not help but notice the brown eyed, beauty standing beside the men’s bathroom pathway. Giggling to myself, I entered the women’s, which surprisingly was a decently kept bathroom. It did not at all smell as bad as it looked from the exterior. Must have been remodeled inside not so long ago. Taking off my jeans, they always get stuck on my ankles -- the repercussions of waring two sizes too small clothing. ‘Ah, its worth showing off the backside.’ I thought. “Finally!” ‘Oops, I said that out loud’, hoping no one heard me talk to myself, as I hung the pants on the hook.

Peering into the mirror to consider myself a model! ‘Yes! I bought the perfect suit to show off my cleavage without looking like a total skank!’ I mused to myself admirably at my sense of fashion choices. ‘Off to catch some waves, after all eight-thirty is my surf lesson! I hope I get a sexy Italian man!’ As I exited the bathroom entrance the strapping lad was still gazing over at the ocean in front of the men’s room pathway. ‘Man, look at those glorious traps and shoulders, wonder if he could pick up me up with one arm!’

Chapter 2 – Surfs Up

Two hours of sunbathing past, of course I was blessed with an Olive skin tone to prevent sunburn. ‘Ah, thank you, Italian ancestors!’ Time flew by so quickly; it was finally time for my surf lesson! On to the next destination it is! I skipped on over to the little shack at the end of the beach. Standing in front of me was the most intense seductive eyes that have ever beholden mine. His hair was straight, and bangs swayed to the side of his blueish green eyes. Almost angelic like in appearance. His body was well-toned, and abs were an eight-pack! I could not help but notice the tiny freckles hidden under his cheek bones. He must be mixed blood with some type of Irish descent because a tiny hint of natural copper highlight peered through his perfectly styled hair.

“You must be Beverly Wonderland; you are a couple minutes early.” He said as he shuffled through his desk notes and files. “Ah, here it is, just need you to sign this waiver, can’t have you suing us in the case of any accidents to occur.” He was flirting with his sweet grin. ‘Was every man in this country a big flirt as I was?’ I smirked back with a scoffing snort.

“Yes, but you can call me Bev, I was just dying to sign my life away on a piece of paper!” I retorted, “Besides, I have surfed before, piece of cake, if you ask me!”

“Well then, I guess you don’t need my lesson?” He asked curiously.

“Not entirely, I just wanted a good old fashion tourist experience; with a hot babe surfing beside me.” I poked at his peck that was ever so peering at me from behind the desk.

Flattered at this Americans confidence he let out a bellow laugh, “Careful now it just might break your finger, Miss!” Grabbing a key from the drawer, he states, “Call me, Gregory or Greg, whichever you prefer.”

“I think I’ll Call you Gregory, I like the way it rolls on my tongue.” Totally insinuating on that comment, pleased with my comeback.

“Well then looks like I will be calling you Beverly too, so it can roll of my tongue as well.” He grinned arrogantly.

I thought to myself, ‘Well I guess I lost this battle, yet I won’t lose the war!’

We hopped over a log that was on the way to the dock, which was holding all the surfboards from thieves. I watched as he opened the gate with the keys in his hands. ‘Man, since when do men have such lovely hands.’ I was almost in a daze hypnotized by the perfection of them when I noticed him lift-up one of the surfboards over his shoulder. He lifted it so effortlessly. “Come this way, Miss Beverly.” He pointed to an opening between two crowds of people that was marked off with ropes. I enjoyed the walk behind him as his hips swayed side to side, not one ounce of fat jiggling and his ripped muscles tensed holding the board.

Close to the shore he opens his phone to shut it off and places it inside a waterproof pouch around his neck for safety. “You ready for some waves?” He asked excitedly, you can tell he really loves his job.

“I sure am! Let us hit this!” Of course, I was excited more so, then he was! I grew up surfing, but it has been quite a few years. ‘Man, I hope I didn’t bite off more than I could chew.’

The feel of the water was warm, yet the scorching sun beaming on my back was relieving. He sat me right on the middle of the surfboard and told me to imitate him. I laid my body across the board and prayed my muscles would not give out before I reached our destination. ‘My God! Are my arms on fire; it is a nice view watching his arms push that water so elegantly!’ I peered at him, as he came to a holt in our location to start surfing. Finally! I could rest a bit.

“Now the waves can sometimes be vicious so be careful, Follow my lead. Since you stated you are not a novice, I assume you can just follow behind me.” He had a more serious, yet sincere tone with his statement. “I’m going to catch this next wave two behind this one, okay?”

“Okay...” My voice drifted away. Somehow my confidence melted, and my arrogance now left me suddenly in a basket of fear. ‘Okay, maybe I should have been honest and told him, it’s been 10 years since I surfed as a kid. But he was so hot, I could not help but brag… well maybe I could of. Too late now!’ Now time to roll with the punches.

I watched as his manly exterior hopped up on that board and jaw strikingly glazed across the blue waters, also splashing up the oceans snow onto his chiseled body. I could not help but notice he had some back dimples. ‘What I would kill if we could exchange numbers!’ I thought as the next wave past me bye.

I saw him wave that it was my turn. “Okay Bev, you got this, you can do it! I believe in you!” Hopping onto the board encouraging myself; out loud since no one was near me anyway. The wave unexpectedly came in an instant. I stumbled. I was not ready! I tried to catch my balance but failed.

Chapter 3 – Schiaffo Di Cazzo

The force of the wave combined with my unbalanced posture, resulted in my body being flung face forward in seconds. ‘Too late!’ I thought as my life flashed before my eyes. Instantaneously my head hit the end of the surfboard directly. “OWWWWW!” I screamed in terror and excruciating pain coming from my left eye. Like a washed-up whale awaiting its death door on the seashore, I laid there in agony. ‘Mom, Dad, here is my will! Give my kitty Mr. Squashers at my funeral!” You think, I would be talking about actual brain-damage death. Nope. I am talking about humiliation casualty type of death!

My face was in my hands. I laid on my belly hiding as if it would cover up how embarrassed I felt. There came running the most handsome man with worry written all over his Brad Pitt structured face, as I peeked between my fingers. “Miss! Are you alright! That was quite a trapeze artist show!” He half-heartedly joked.

“I am okay. Was just a small hit after all. Nothing to worry about.” I got the courage to lift my gaze into Gregs stare. When he burst out in incredible laughter. “WHAT!” I asked in a hostile tone. “What is so funny!”

“You have what we call a Schiaffo Di Cazzo.” Pointing to my left eye and showing me in his phone as a mirror. “You hit your eye pretty hard.”

Defeatedly, I pondered, ‘So much for winning the war, I got a giant bump on my face, so unattractive. “Oh, well I guess I am going to end my lesson today.” I had lost my drive and did not want to humiliate myself anymore.

“Well in that case, I find you extremely magnetic, could I have your number so we can connect tonight?” He gave a hopeful smile despite the situation. “I admire your confidence, even if you face planted.”

Wow, I am literally swollen eyed and had no hope to get his number, but it worked out after all. “Sure!” Taking his phone, I entered my cell digits with my name and clicked save. “I am going to go back to my hotel for a while though.“ I grabbed my change of clothes and walked back to my rental.

I could not understand what went wrong I did everything I remembered as a kid. ‘AH! That is right, I stood up straight, instead of crouching like it was a skateboard.’ I facepalmed myself as I stepped over a rock in my pathway. A lady just near my vehicle was staring at the blood coming down my cheek. “Excuse me miss.” She said in an Italian accent attempting to speak English correctly.

“Yes?” I asked the lady that was now digging in her purse for something.

“Ah, here it is!” She handed me a wipe packet found from the outer pocket of her vintage purple purse. “You can wipe the blood. What happened to you?”

“Schiaffo Di Cazzo.” I stated remembering what Gregory had called it, I figured to try explaining it in her own language. To my dismay, she began to laugh extremely hard. ‘Gee, didn’t think my pain is a joke.’ I rolled my eyes “What is so funny!?”

“Nothing Miss, you have a good day now.” She stated before I could press anymore while walking away from me.

This is totally not the day I expected. First woken up by a blasting light in my eyes. Then Embarrass me in front of a total hottie. Now, I am being laughed at by total Italian strangers. ‘What a day. Only great thing is I gave my number to that stud!’ Trying to find some reassurance to myself to brighten up my day.

I drove back to the hotel and there stood the young barely legal hottie smirking at me from afar as a I parked my car on the side of the street. ‘Oh, now he has to see my face. He is totally going to ask what happened’ I considered because we had flirted before I left. Slamming my door shut in frustration of my circumstances. ‘I am supposed to be the total American Hottie and now I look like a buffoon!’

I saw his chin resting on his hand as he leaned over onto a yellow pole by the walkway. ‘His chin is very nicely shaped.’ I thought to myself. “Hey Alexander.” I stated in a sulking tone.

He looked up from the ground out of his deep thoughts. Then, his eyes went wide like a frog hitting boiling water! “Ma’am! What happened to you!” His voice was genuine and concerned. He seems to be a very well-mannered young man.

I tried to recall what Gregory had called what happen to me. ‘Oh, yah that is right,’ I suddenly remembered and said, “Schiaffo Di Cazzo.” Once again, a face full of concern turned into a laughingstock. He stood there chuckling for a good minute or two before he caught his breath. Only because, his boss started to stare at him with her stern evil look.

I was kind of angry, yet another person was finding my situation a need to laugh at. So instead of saying anything more. I turned my heel and walked past him back into the hotel. ‘Right, if you going to laugh at me, then I chose to walk away!’ I said to myself with certainty. Right when I almost tripped over the broken tile flooring that was three steps from the entrance. ‘Great, another bump is all I need.’ I was kind of miffed and upset so I walked up to the front desk to Allison. She was a young beautiful young maiden, yet extremely shy.

“Excuse me, Allison, may I talk to your manager please.” I asked.

Briefly mumbling barely audible, “Yes, Ma’am.”

Out walks the head warden of the state prison with her stern, going to slap you over the head face. “Yes, Miss Wonderland.” Her gaze then shifted to my left eye. Rachels stern face turned into an inquisitive expression. “What happen to your face?”

“Never mind my face, I came to complain about the trip hazard over there!” Pointing to the spot. “Which, I just almost slipped and fell!” I said with pride, arms crossed, back straight and chin up. ‘Fake it to display your own authority!’

“Ma’am, it is being fixed tomorrow by our construction company. Did you not see the sign saying trip hazard next to it?” She pointed back over my shoulder.

I turned around to see. Sure enough, six inches from where I tripped, was a yellow sign with tripping person drawn on it. ‘Well, now this day keeps getting more embarrassing.’ I silently turned back to the old lady. And sheepishly said, “oh…”

“Ma’am, is there anything else I can do for what happen to you face?” Sincerely asking despite my arrogant attitude toward her.

“No Rachel, it was just a Schiaffo Di Cazzo.” That was my final straw. When stern mother Teresa’s face turned into hysterical laughter. Seriously, the humiliation. ‘Even an old hag will laugh at my situation! Is it that uncommon to fall off a surfboard?’ I grumbled inside my head, as I walked into my hotel room. I fell face first onto the bed. “OWWWW! UGH I totally forgot about my face.” I said out loud. Annoyed I then decided It was time to take a nap and wake up in a better mood.

Chapter 4 – Dick Slap

Ring… Ring… Ring…. Waking up, I wipe my sleepy eyes and stared at the phone. Did not know this number, so I answer. “Hello?’

“Hey Beverly, Its Greg, I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner tonight at eight?” He requested in a bright happy tone.

“Hey! Yes, I would love to. Where would you like to go?” I asked unsure of restaurants in the area.

“I have the perfect place to take you, I will pick you up at Seven Thirty.” Click.

‘Well, no goodbye! Sheesh very directive.’ I pondered about his locks swaying in the beach breeze. ‘So handsome.’

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He pulled up in a red Ferrari. ‘Man, I didn’t expect a beach boy to be rich! Now this is a bonus!’ I smiled with my plump lips and hair half-up messy style with a cute little black cocktail dress. Stepping inside his car was scent of cologne and sleek black leather seats, which hugged me from behind. Taking control, he took my hand in a lock and said “Dear, are you in for a treat. How is your head?”

I gave a smile at the first part and quickly scowled. “Well, it feels better, but every time I told someone what happened they instantly burst into laughter. Like my pain was amusing!” So, I peeked out the window to hide my blushing cheeks from embarrassment.

He thought eagerly for a few seconds then spoke. “What exactly did you tell them about what happened?” Lifting his lips in a half pucker.

“Well… I told them exactly what you told me happened.” Scratching my head in a bit of angst.

He turned his head with a smirk deeply in contemplation. Then, began to speak, “Did you tell them Schiaffo Di Cazzo?”

“Well, I believe that’s how I pronounced the saying you stated.” Wondering what he was thinking about. The car came to a stop in front of a cute little cottage next to this vast amount of acreage. In the distance you can a mansion the size of two 4-bedroom houses. On the side of the house was a field filled with vineyards.

I did not notice Gregory got out of the car, while I was admiring the beauty surrounding us. Greg opened the door like a true gentleman. Handing me his hand says, “Milady.” It felt like I was in some fantasy meets romance fairytale as his hand grasped mine. We walked to the entrance of the cottage which had a tent and fake candlelight dimming lighting. Walking inside I could not help but notice we were literally the only people in the building! Aside from the young woman in her mid-twenties waiting for us to sit down at the table she directed us to.

As we sat down in our assigned seating, an elderly man in his fifties came out from the back and greeted Gregory with a bow. “What may I serve you with today, Sir.” Respectively requesting from Gregory, a response.

“Hi, Benjamin, my lady friend would like your special and I would like the meatball sub.” He beamed at the older man.

“With pleasure, right away sir.” He told us as he turned back through the back door.

“This is my dads’ restaurant.” I am guessing Gregory saw my perplexed look at an older man having such respect to a young man.

“That explains what I was thinking.” I reached for the glass of water not knowing what else to do.

Just then, the door opened and a gentleman in his late 40s walks in almost more handsome than Gregory. My eyes widen. “Who is that?” I push for information.

Gregory smirks and state, “You’ll see.” As the man walks up to our table.

Examining my face obviously. His head turns slightly cocked. “Young lady, whatever happen to your face?”

I trying to impress his mysterious man by speaking Italian I tell him, “Schiaffo Di Cazzo.”

Like unison the older man and my date looks at me and begins to burst into laughter! ‘Great again they snicker! I urge, “I do not get why this is all so funny today…” Perplexed and embarrassed I turned my cheek to the windowsill next to me to hide my left eye.

Suddenly a soft voice begins to speak, “Honey, did my son tell you that’s what happen to your face?”

I told him, “Yes, right after I fell from my surfboard. Why?”

Giving his son a look of amusement. Turns to me and explains, “It was a pleasure to meet you, Beverly. My name is Gregory Emerison Regal the Third, I believe this is a question you must ask my son.” With that he proceeded to leave the building, turned, and spoke. “Behave Son.” Smirking as he disappeared into the night.

A little livid now seeing it has all to do with the Italian phrase I been telling everyone I finally proceed to enquire. “So, Gregory, fess up! What does it mean!?” I stare into his melting eyes.

“Okay! Okay! It means Dick Slap or Cock Slapped!” Bursting once again in an almost unending bellows of joy.

I could not help smiling at his cute laugh and his twinkling moonlight eyes. Though every inside of me was in embarrassment. I was somewhat comforted by his presence. I yearned this feeling that no matter how arrogant, cocky or stupid I was that day. Somehow this attractive man still found an interest in me. When I thought that this trip could get worse. It just got incredibly better as he reached across the table, and grazed my bangs behind my left ear. Sweetly said, “You’re beautiful.”

I wondered, “Hey, how did your dad know my name?”

“I told him about you and that I’m going to marry you someday.” He flirted.

“So, Gregory Emerison Regal the Fourth huh!” I replied in a flirt.

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Epilogue

I sat on the porch on a stool looking over the countryside. The man of my wildest dreams, picks of a small three-year-old boy and tosses him up in the air. His body still toned as I recalled those years ago. Tan skin with sweat glistening in the sunrays bouncing off his chest. Recalling the day, we met and the embarrassment that began our connection. ‘What happens in Italy, stayed in Italy.’ I thought as I glanced yet again at the gorgeous vineyard