WANTED: SWM

WANTED: SINGLE WHITE MALE

There is the most handsome man at my new job. He sits only a few desks away from mine. His name is Kevin Huntington and has gorgeous short dark blonde hair with the eyes that are bluer than the Caribbean Sea. I am guessing his is at least 6’2” and I would lay money that he played sports all through high school and college. He reminds me of the perfect “Ken Doll” that I use to dream about when I was a little girl. He dresses like he could step up and walk a fashion run way at any moment. All the girls in the office do whatever they can to get his attention and he doesn’t even notice them. I personally think it is really pathetic seeing all the office skanks throw themselves at him. I at least have some sort of class when I am attracted to somebody. I also remember to play it cool when I am the new girl in the office. But I can tell the other women in the office already see me as competition. I got wicked looks from them when he set a cup of coffee on my desk this morning, and thanked me for helping him catch up on all of his filing. He even knew my name! I wonder if he had asked somebody who I was or if it was the stupid name tag that I had to wear my first week of training.

I made sure to stick a large post-it note to his desk lamp before leaving today.

Hey Kevin,

Thank you so much for being so friendly and polite to me at work. It is tough being the “new kid” when moving to a new city. So... I appreciate you showing me around the office! I look forward to working with you and getting to know you better!

Your new co-worker,

Tammara

I overheard Kevin talking to one of his friends on the phone this afternoon at work about getting together tonight to watch a baseball game at some bar downtown. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear him say what bar he was meeting his friends at but I knew this was my chance to hang out with him outside of work. I had to go to five different sports bars downtown before I finally walked into the right one. Of course I was going to play it off as a coincidence and also pretend that I am a huge baseball fan. I even bought a Baltimore Orioles t-shirt after work at the corner gift shop to wear. I made sure to pick a spot at the bar that was within his line of sight and made sure to act mesmerized by the game that was blaring from every TV in this smoked out bar. I definitely stuck out like a sore thumb here since the only other women in the bar were over 50 and playing cards at the table under the neon window bar sign.

“Tammara?” I finally heard the familiar voice I had been waiting for.

“Hi, um Kevin right?” I responded, acting like I hadn’t said his name in my head a million times since I had met him.

He invited me to sit with his friends that had already positioned themselves on the other side of the bar in front of the obnoxious big screen TV. I must admit that I enjoyed sitting at a table with a bunch of good looking men despite the cheap watered down drinks being served. I made sure to sit in the empty seat next to Kevin. I didn’t have any interest in anyone else that was sitting at the table, even though I knew deep down that none of them would turn me down if I offered. The rest of the night I tried to act as though I was a hardcore baseball fan the best I could. I made sure to look up on the internet some random facts about the team so I can impress Kevin and his friends with my new found sports knowledge that I acquired right before I got there. I even tolerated the obnoxious yelling and cursing every time points were scored by either team. I endured the stale smell of cheap cigars and beer and acted like there was no place else I would rather be. Kevin chatted with me between game breaks and commercials and seemed like he was even flirting with me towards the end of the night. However, I was surprised that he didn’t offer to give me a ride home at the end of the night. I started to wonder if he had a girlfriend that he had failed to mention during my cab ride home.

“Well if he does, he won’t for long.” I thought to myself soothingly.

Dear Kevin,

It was really fun running into you and your friends at Smiley’s Bar Friday night. I guess Baltimore really is a small town after all! I hate watching baseball alone and how lucky am I that I ran into someone I know? Maybe we can go catch a home game sometimes together (of course, as friends) since I already have tickets for the next one!

Your friend,

Tammara

I made sure to slip the note underneath Kevin’s computer keyboard before anyone came into the office. The rest of the day I waited for him to come and say something about going to the game with me. He smiled every time he walked past my desk on the way to the file room or supplies closet, but he didn’t say anything. Maybe he didn’t want to say anything in the office. I immediately regretted not putting my phone number on that note. I didn’t think about the fact that I actually did not have tickets to the next home game. Of course that was a lie. I went home today feeling defeated on this round but even more attracted to him. I love the hard to get game.

Dear Kevin,

Did I do something to upset you? I feel like you have been avoiding me at work and noticed that you haven’t been eating lunch in the café downstairs. Are you feeling ok? I have the best recipe for soup that will cure anything! I will make you some when I get home from work and bring it to you tomorrow. Call me if you need ANYTHING! 702-888-3443

Feel better soon,

Tammara XOX

I didn’t plan on waiting for him to call me so I hacked into the human resources employee computer files to get Kevin’s address. I decided that I would just surprise him by bringing the soup to him tonight instead of bringing it to work the next day. On the way home from work I even stopped and bought a sexy outfit.

“Food and new clothes, how can I go wrong?” I reassured myself. “Who could resist me?”

Good morning Kevin,

I am really sorry if you are still upset with me for showing up to your house unannounced. I know you were surprised that I had your address, but I didn’t think that you would get so mad. I also didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner with your parents; on the other hand I wanted to bring you the soup that I made for you. It is just much better when it is first made! Hope you liked it.

Still friends?

Tammara

Kevin brought my soup pot into the office today. It was sitting next to my desk, perfectly clean with a small post it note on top when I came into the office this morning. The other girls in my office had to be curious because I felt jealous eyes on me when I picked up the note he left me.

T-

Thanks. It was good.

K.

Kevin is acting like nothing happened last night and seems to be going about his work like he does on any other day. I watched him out of the corner of my eye making sales calls and getting up to copy contracts. He didn’t seem to be acting any differently towards me. I still got the usual movie star smile when he casually walked past my desk but nothing else. Is he that oblivious to the fact that I like him? He must have a girlfriend. Why else would he not call me or even ask me out on a date?

Hey Kevin,

Hope you still aren’t mad at me. I don’t want things to be awkward between us at work. I just wanted you to know how much I like you and would love to get to know you better. I made you a music CD of some songs that reminded me of you for your IPOD as a peace offering. Just in case you lost it, here is my number again. 702-888-3443

Your friend always,

Tammara

I left the note and CD in the top drawer of his desk after everyone left today. I just don’t understand what his problem is! Every day he is always nice and polite. He smiles at me and tells me hello. But he never says anything about the notes that I leave him and he has never called me. I looked around his desk to see if there were any clues or hints that he may have a girlfriend. The only picture he has on his desk is a group photo of his friends on a sailboat. I was at least expecting maybe a woman’s phone number posted somewhere, a photo, something! I noticed that he marked on his desk calendar that he was going to a concert this weekend.

“Looks like I need a ticket to see The Cult.” I joked to myself as strolled out of the office and headed home.

Hello Kevin,

What a great concert! I didn’t know you were a Cult fan too! It was great bumping into you and your best friend John at the show. You seemed really surprised to see me there. Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you! Ha!

XOXO Tammara

Today I noticed that Susan Mire bring Kevin coffee and a muffin and put it on his desk. What the hell does she think she is doing? I wonder if that is why he hasn’t been responding to my notes or called me! She has been taking them! I saw her glance over at me and smile like a Cheshire cat as she walked back to her desk. That must be why he doesn’t like me! It is her! She probably tells him all sorts of stories about me! That has to be why he looked so surprised when he saw me at the concert. Well if this is a contest, she is going to lose. I am always the one that comes out on top. Ms. Susan Mire better watch her back!

I watched Kevin walk up to his desk a few minutes later and smile. He looked over to Susan and thanked her immediately and actually offered her money for what she had purchased. The rest of the day Kevin was the usual office gentleman. He remained focused on his work despite Susan and the rest of the desperate females in the office practically gyrating at him every time he came near them! They are so pathetic!

The next morning I walked into the office with my best outfit on. That’s it. I am going to get this over with and just ask him out. I made sure my make-up and hair were perfect. How could he say no? We have so much in common! As I approached my desk I immediately noticed an invitation. My heart was beating so fast. I recognized Kevin’s handwriting on the front.

Because your love and friendship have helped us become who we are we invite you to share in our joy with a celebration of love and commitment of

Mr. Kevin Huntington and Mr. Paul Mason.

Please join us St. John’s Cathedral in Baltimore, Maryland.

December 31st, 2013 at 10:00pm.

Bring in the New Year with us as we start our lives together!

I had to re-read the invitation twice and then pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“Oh my god!” I caught myself saying aloud.

I looked across the room at Susan who had the same invitation. She was already in tears crying. Actually I think every female in the office was.