Waiting On Your Soulmate

After three long-term relationships, in my life, I have become quite the expert in what to do and what not to do. I have also learned about three different personality types as well as how my own personality has changed over the years. It's the pretty typical story of a lifetime of relationships. Puppy love, twenties partying, secure "final." Although, that secure "final" relationship was anything BUT either of those words, for me. Thank goodness.

The puppy love relationship taught me to not try to rush things, about the physicality of relationships, about meeting the parents and starting careers. It was four years invested that ended with cheating and losing an apartment. He was into drugs and I realized, at 21 years old, that I wanted, I NEEDED more and better. I left with a duffel bag of clothes and lived with a friend until I could be independently on my feet. I should have put my foot down sooner, I should have saved money. I should have asked for help. Stubborn, 21 year old Erin could never have done that. So, I moved on.

The twenties partying relationship lasted only two years. We met at a bar, drank a lot, moved in together WAY too soon. We both wanted that "settled down" life but, truthfully, neither of us were ready. We were both jealous people, which ultimately lead to the demise of the relationship. This was the first relationship that I can say I suffered from abuse in. I am a strong, successful woman. How could I allow that to happen? It's crazy what love does to your brain. I literally had blinders on. I dealt with being screamed at when I found he was looking a male porn on our computer or I bought a new purse without telling him. Screamed at to the point that the neighbors called the cops. I was picked up and held against the balcony railing in our 11th story apartment with threats of being thrown. I knew, then, I had to leave. This time, I landed at my Dad's house. In my high school bedroom. Talk about tail between your legs...

Then, I met who I thought was "the one." He was handsome, very financially secure, a leader in his career field. We initially didn't get along but that quickly lead to flirting and a quick-building relationship. It began too soon after my previous relationship ended. I didn't realize at the time, but can look back in retrospect and see that this was a very obvious rebound. However, this rebound lasted 16 years, brought us a suprise after 2 years (our amazing daughter), two homes, four cars, a cross-country move and LOTS of toxicity. Two weeks into the relationship there were red flags, but again with the blinders. Put downs, name calling, bullying. Classic narcicism, at its best. It wasn't until about 14 years together that I began to realize that he was NOT "the one" and I had to really think about what I wanted in life. What was best for my child. Our future. The final chapter of our relationship ended at about 4:30 one morning when, totally unprepared for the conversation, I told him I wanted to leave. When I had to explain to our daughter "this is not how a man is supposed to treat a woman," I knew it was time to go. It was a couple of months after that when I was finally able to make the move. This time, I was more financially prepared and got my own condo. My priority was our daughter, and still is, every day. Best decision I've made to put her and myself first.

Fast forward a few months, and I get a DM on social media from someone I have never met. Now, this was a common occurence since I switched my relationship status to SINGLE. Oh, boy, did I get a lot of DMs. I had to make my account completely private. However, this guy had a mutual friend. My cousin's wife, to be precise. I decided to open it. It was a completely platonic question regarding food and drinks in the area. I was so relieved that it wasn't a proposition for sex (yes, that really happened) or some lame compliment. So, I responded. I don't know why I didn't just delete it. I had no intentions of anything other than giving him restaurant recommendations. At that point, I was not interested in dating, meeting men or anything related. I'd rather be alone than be unhappy. Plus, I had my daughter. She was all I needed.

The conversation escalated quickly. We got into deep conversations and discovered how much we had in common. We truly enjoyed this bit of conversation. Two days later, after texting all day, both days, we decided to meet. I was just getting over being sick, so he just brought over a pizza. I can say this now, and it sounds crazy, but it truly was love at first sight. Our conversation, that evening, was amazing. Everything was amazing. It was a night that neither of us was expecting. He brought me flowers, the next morning. Where did this guy come from ?!?

We planned the next day that we would spend a few hours together on New Years Eve. My daughter was with her dad and his kids were with a sitter. We had about five hours together. It was a long five days in between our first meeting and NYE. We talked or texted all day, every day. Learned so much about each other. Feelings grew strong, quickly. Within a couple minutes of him (arriving with more flowers) to cook me rack of lamb and wilted spinach (what???) he told me he loved me. I responded with the same. How could this happen? Is this real life? Does this stuff really happen? YES! Both of us had been through a lot of BS in our lives; romantic relationships or otherwise. We both had a lot of baggage and accepted each other's with grace, patience and a willingness to work together. We committed to it, to our future, that night.

I have never met anyone like him, in my entire life. He fulfills everything I never knew I needed or wanted in a man and a partner. I waited 39 years and 284 days to find my soulmate and twin flame. That sounds silly to say or type, I know. I don't have any other explanation for it. We literally are meant to be. I don't like to have regrets, in my life. So, I don't regret the relationships, trials and tribulations of my past. They were all preparing me for him. The one. The love of my life...and he was worth every second I spent waiting for him. Yours is out there.