Wait, What About the Illuminati?

It's honestly really hard to describe it. When someone asks me what I do, I never have an answer. I just have a list that I rattle off until they pick something they like. I never wanted to limit myself to “a thing”. I love to label things, yet I haven’t got a truly defined label myself. No particular look, no set group. You get it. I’m just me. It draws people in, you know?

I think what people like the most is I read Tarot. They don’t always love that I’m a life coach even if they need that. Others are more in it for ME and get down with the modeling. And with modeling comes photography. Not to mention all the other artistry: drawing, painting, pouring, recycling, editing, styling—anything. My brain produces more thoughts than my body could ever keep up with. I just try to follow along the best I can, truly. Did I mention writing? I’m always working on a minimum of three books, four screenplays, two novels, poetry, and these contests! Anything, really. I mean it. I kind of have a news-style web show? People kept telling me they like my voice so much, they keep calling me, so I’m thinking, “There’s gotta be a podcast there.” Too much for a day.

The most difficult part about the process has nothing to do with the process itself. It’s always some kind of extenuating circumstances that interfere with the process. The prime example of course would be none other than money. Investing in quality shit is the best thing an artist can do for themselves but I’m always ballin’ on a budget. 25 years in the making and I’m still using cheap, old, or otherwise gifted supplies. And to take time out of this life to have to work can be a real drag sometimes. I know a lot of people do have their salary-paying jobs or have fully booked books but I am not there yet. I deal with this uncertainty in real time as I battle the negativity I project unto myself; so I avoid self-sabotaging, as I do any time I have mild success at anything. Now I just hurt, man. Whole nother story.

I hate the idea of showing my art to people in a way, too. It was always a coping mechanism for me, especially before I realized there was therapy (which will never replace creation, just sayin’). I get a little too in my head about it and think I must seem like a raging narcissist if I force people to appreciate my work. I went to school for business. I more or less know what I’m doing. But it can be hard to want to do it. I know art comes to us intentionally and we are meant to share it as a means of healing. But also, narcissism, no? Either way, I’ve more or less accepted that people are curious as to what it is I do.

I’ll just be the first to tell you that I have been notoriously bad at holding jobs of many varieties. I was pretty badly injured a couple months before the pandemic and then that happened so I more or less just dove into my own thing for the first time in my life and it’s going! I struggle a bit with commitment, confidence, and interest because with so many things in my head it can be difficult to pick which would be best. One day I’ll make a dozen or more Tarot videos and the next week I’m suddenly not convinced of Tarot. If I’m having a week where all I wanna do is write, it ends with writer’s block. Sometimes, it takes months for me to go back to a project. It just depends on how I feel that day. In a way, it’s becoming clearer that I’m less capable of doing a “regular”, hourly job in favor of being the mastermind of my own chaotic schedule. To add, I’m completely nocturnal.

Well, I’m interesting. I can say that. It’s true! I have to stop caring how it sounds to say stuff like that. My favorite thing in this world is conversation. I make sure every word is full of wonder, theatrics, and controversy. I spend none of my time bored while also making ample amounts of time to relax but simultaneously working all the time. I love it. Some might view this as mentally unstable and while that could be true, I’m just vibing. I just want to be me. I want to be the person who gets to be the Jack of all trades and the Queen of Spades. I want to be able to do these things that I am good or even great at. Being funded as an artist would allow me to go through these motions and stop stressing about where my money is going to come from. If my wallet is at ease, as is my mind. I don’t hate working, I hate capitalism. You get it. Artist.

Anyway, hey. I’m here to entertain. I want to make people laugh, and move them to tears, and whisper loving things into ears. I want to be honest, and charming, and many things to many. I want to spread love, truth, conspiracy, good health, and share wealth. At the end of my day, my dream come true is making others’ dreams come true. Seriously, it all boils down to this overly gigantic non-profit fantasy I’ve been concocting in my head for many years.

How can I help you?