Ukraine Means Something to Me

Two years ago, I traveled halfway across the world to ask two seventeen-year-olds if I could be their mom. I spent nearly six months traveling back and forth to Ukraine a total of five times. I spent a lot of time exploring the country. I have been from Lviv, to the tiny town of Oleshky and many places in between. My children grew up in this amazing country. They were essentially adults when we came home, so it is THEIR country.

Two days ago, Russia invaded their homeland. My daughter, now 20, keeps getting messages from her friends and family who are still in the country. The orphanage she grew up in was on fire yesterday. Her friend Sasha sent her a video of the fire and the bombings. You can see this happening right behind the building that was her home for as long as she can remember. He showed her the tanks running all over the place. We saw footage of the Russian soldiers tearing up her homeland.

We haven’t heard from Sasha today. I have no idea if he is ok. I have no idea if any of the orphans are alive. This particular orphanage was for disabled children. Some were evacuated early yesterday morning, but we know some were left behind. Did they survive the fire? We don’t know. So many of her friends and family are sending her messages, videos, pictures. We are in shock watching this unfold from the perspective of Ukrainians who are there right now.

My son and daughter are struggling to understand why this is happening. Quite frankly, so am I. I’ve heard incredibly hurtful things saying Ukraine wanted this because their government wasn’t caring for them properly. I can assure you, that is untrue. Ukraine doesn’t want this. They are a sovereign, democratic nation of people, proud of their independence.

I have had people messaging me, reaching out to let us know our family is on their mind. They are broken for us, for my sweet babies. I have had people asking for me to clarify for them why this is happening. I can’t. It is senseless. I know there are all kinds of reasons being floated around. There is a reason. I’m just not sure Ukrainians are entirely sure what it is. All I know is this invasion is wrong. People are dying. I have had people asking me how they can help Ukraine. I have no idea. Pray for them. Talk about them. Stand with them.

As a mother, I am trying to figure out how to walk alongside my children as they watch their nation burn. There is not a parenting book on the shelves that can help me. I am struggling to know what to say. My daughter spent most of yesterday in the fetal position on the couch with my husband holding her hand. As much trauma as she has already suffered through in her life, I have no idea what this will do to her. She is in shock, I think. How do I comfort her?? How do I make this ok?? How do I support my children with this loss?? I am genuinely asking. If anyone has any ideas, I am all ears.

We are half a world away, watching places and people we love be destroyed.

I saw a video on Facebook of a group of Ukrainians in Kyiv hiding from the bombs singing hymns and praying. It brought me back to two years ago when I stood in that exact same spot. There was a group of older men playing for tips. I laughingly took my husbands hand and asked him to dance for a minute. The men smiled at us with a glimmer in their eye. They encouraged the Americans, picked a slow polka, and played for our silly moment of romance. Now that same spot is filled with men, women, and children hiding from the bombing. Praying they will somehow survive.

One day when we were in Kherson, we walked down to the ocean. There was a monument there to the soldiers who fought for Ukrainian independence. I remember looking at the names etched in stone, standing there to remind the people what they lost, and reminding them to honor what they had gained. That little town is now under Russian control. My mind is angry imagining the Russian soldiers laughing and mocking the monument. Have they destroyed it? Did they smash it all as they laughed at their dominance?

There was a little crepe stand in a tiny little town that had the most spectacular crepes for only one American dollar. The apartment we were renting for the week was just across the street. I went every single day to buy a crepe. I am ashamed to say, sometimes I went twice a day. The owner of the stand was so proud I liked his crepes. He talked to me about his business plan. He desperately wanted to impress the American woman with his success. I was impressed. His product was delicious, ingredients were fresh, the menu was streamlined, and the price was on point. I saw a picture today of the sidewalk with a tank barreling down it. The concrete crumbled beneath its weight. I did not see the tiny crepe stand.

Our adoption facilitators had drivers as part of their team. The drivers did more than drive, they helped with the relentless paperwork, showed you how to get around, made sure you had what you needed, and pointed out the best local dives in the city. Our favorite driver’s name was Yuri. He was passionately patriotic. He would go on for hours about Ukraine’s rich history and his feelings on every political matter. He jokingly called me Lady Buckles, a nod to how down to earth I seemed to him. He told us we didn’t act like the other Americans. We became very good friends. He is now trapped in Kyiv, and may be drafted into the war, a war he already saw when he was younger.

I know these experiences are so small. I fell in love with this country when I was there. I came home to my big, beautiful house in America, leaving Ukraine all just a dream I once had. I know my pain is nothing compared to the Ukrainian people. Nothing compared to what my children are feeling. Nothing compared to the men, women, and innocent children hunkered down in fear for their lives right now. It is easy for us to distance ourselves from this. Afterall, most Americans have very few ties to the country of Ukraine. I want you to see the pictures and watch the videos coming out of Ukraine right now. Pray for these people. Bring yourself just a little bit closer to this. Let your heart feel how heavy this is.

Half a world away people and places are being destroyed.