Twin flames

So I thought I was crazy for the longest time. I was crazy for these two guys and I could swear there was something really real and connected between me and both of them (Not all together). This just made it even more complicated. It even seemed like they felt it too, but weren't saying it. This made it even harder for me. I thought I was imaging the whole thing.

I dedicated almost a whole poetry book to how I was feeling because I didn't know what else to do with how I felt. Do you know how many hours I spent going to see them where they both worked? (They worked at the same place) Lots! Do you know how much money I spent just to be near them more? So much!

Apparently I'm part of this soulmate cycle which I knew nothing about. I only recently learned about this when I took respite from the world to start aligning my life and discovering my purpose. I was focused on that and then one day I watched this tarot reading (Steve's Tarot) and my whole perspective on things started to make sense. I wish I would have known what was going on earlier! I felt so alone in how I felt for so long. So, basically The Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine in the soulmate cycle are either in deep soul connections or Twin flames connections. I didn't even know what a Twin flame was till recently. Many people probably know, but a Twin Flame is when a soul gets split into two bodies.

In my own soulmate cycle the Divine Feminine have been on a journey of learning self worth in the recent past. In my own experience this connection lead me to learning my self worth after expressing how I felt and then feeling rejected. I just left the situation behind because it hurt too much to think about anymore. However, I'm so grateful for it at the same time because with learning my self worth I have healed so much.

My situation is a little bit different because it involved 2 soulmates. The first was not my Twin flame but led me to my real Twin flame. Both were still part of my cycle up to recently. I have made the intention to cut karmic ties with the 1st. The cycle is ending. I don't know what that means for the long term future if we don't come together now, but I have let my Twin flame know how I feel about him yet again. I always knew from the beginning that I loved him. I knew just by being in his presence. But I won't chase him anymore. I will let it go. It's up to him to decide what he wants to do. Will I be with my twin flame soon? I really don't know. I feel like spirit is telling me yes. In Divine Timing. He still hasn't said a word to me though. Although I feel like he is was still watching me recently and I sometimes find myself having conversations with him in my head. I need a 3D relationship now. My energetic blueprint is very much designed for thriving in the physical experience. I feel like the longer I let this relationship exist in the 5D only the worse for my soul.

On the night before the 1111 portal (November 11th and the day of twin flames) I started having a sexual experience I never had before. It was very intense. I can feel this intense sexual pleasure from my vulva and into my sacral chakra where it's like an inner convulsion starts to happening and I can't control it. I'm not touching myself or even fantasizing. It's not like any orgasm I have felt. It could feel so strong at times that I didn't want to feel it but also really wanted to at the same time. After experiencing it, it feels like no other sex would satisfy me. Maybe that is the evil plan (Just kidding).

I don't know what's going on with him in his life now. I was watching a lot of tarot readings to try and understand. Sometimes they make me feel good, like when they say he loves me and he is going to communicate. Other times they just make me feel worse. I really can't watch them that much anymore. However I have found out some major life changing information from them, so I'm very grateful. I don't know if we will ever see each other again and I try not to get my hopes up, but part of me feels like it wouldn't be satisfied unless I heard from him what his experience has been. Being in a Twin flame connection feels like it could be both very soul fulfilling or just devastating to me. All I can do is get on with my life. Although, it isn't proving easy.