Traditions

I was never much of a fan of christmas, the death of family members and funerals leaks over all the memories. I was young when it happened, nobody taught me how to grieve. It was always just a "they're with god now," and "my condolences." It's not like I was close with my grandparents, they lived far away and I rarely ever saw them. My dad's mom left us on my brother’s birthday and her funeral was December 24th, that was my first ever green christmas. Five years later, my mom’s dad passed away on December 24th. So, as I said before, death and funerals were my biggest memory about christmas, since I was quite young.

When I got older, I stopped liking christmas for the consumerism aspect. Who can get the biggest most expensive gift? It seemed so shallow and empty. Christmas time should be about family and connecting with those you love. Though, with my family, it is like that, but it is also based around their religion, which I am not a part of.

I recently moved back home after being away for 6.5 years, and now the good memories, before my mind turned into a dark mush of death and decay, are surfacing.

December at my parents is always filled with so many delicious treats and the smell of pine as the tree gets put up. Soon the smell of fresh baked goodies will fill the house everyday. Christmas treats that only get made once a year will be stocked up.

One of my favorites is in the picture at the top: oliebollen.

I wake up on a cold winter morning. A fragrant smell fills my nostrils as I walk up the stairs to find my mother in the kitchen baking. The doughy smell and the sound of the deep fryer tell me exactly what she is making; a Christmas special: oliebollen!

The ball-shaped dough is our Dutch heritage traditional doughnut. My mom has 2 separate bowls, one with raisins and one without for those that don't like raisins. Fresh out of the deep-fryer, I burn my fingers trying to grab a few with no raisins. I take the bag of icing sugar and put some in the bowl so I can sit down and dip my oliebollen.

I sink my teeth into the soft warm dough; the sweetness of the icing sugar counteracts the savory flavor of the oliebollen. A smile fills my face as my eyes close to enjoy the bite.

This is the first christmas I'm going into feeling a little bit excited in a long time, every time we have christmas as a big family, we draw names. It has been 2 years since I've been home for christmas and this is my first christmas I'm alone in 6 years.

Thinking about that puts a smile on my face, because I get to spend time with my family. We'll have turkey dinner as we always do, and we'll give each other our gifts.

This year is a little different though, I made pillows for my family members. Not all of them, just the immediate ones; my mom and dad and 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I also have an extra one, I haven't decided whether or not I keep it, or if I should give it to the person who's name I have.

Family is the only part of my life that has never faded into nothing, I have spent long periods of time away without visiting. Understandably, because it is so expensive to travel. But now, I am here and want to enjoy each precious moment with them before I move on again. I know that they will always be here for me to come back to. While friends and other things have ended, my family is mine, until death 💛

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This writing feels more like a journal than anything, so thank you for indulging in my little traditions.

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Challenge: The Ritual of Winter